Grief
Grief and Loss, 1 May 2016
Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief and Loss
Series: Go Deeper
Matthew 26:31-44
Series Theme “Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea: Jesus was a man who expressed His emotions of grief and loss, setting an example for us to follow.
Introduction
We’re in the middle of a series entitled Go Deeper. Our lives are like an iceberg. We expose only a small portion of our real selves to others. Some of us live in denial about that which we know is true beneath the surface. Perhaps another way to say, “Go Deeper” is to say, “get real.” Get honest. Until we face reality, we will never be able to heal from the pain, overcome the addiction, or strengthen the weakness.
Last week we talked about how we can’t avoid trials. In this life, we will and do have trouble. We want to go over, under, or around but we must journey through the wall. Despite the courage involved, there are benefits to testing.
- God uses trials so we will look out…to others.
The book of Romans plainly says
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15)
We are to
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
In addition,
- God uses trials so we will look up…to Him. He is with us…always. That’s a promise.
At the Wall, God asks some tough questions.
“What would you do without Me?”
“What will you do without My blessings?”
“Will you continue to seek Me?”
“Will you seek the ‘Other’ instead?”
At the Wall we learn a single truth that gets burned into us: life isn’t about us; it’s about God and His glory.
You were created by God.
You were created for God.
You were created for God’s glory.
On the Other Side of the Wall
The Wall always changes us. We can be bitter…or better. The Wall offers us an opportunity to move
- From pride to brokenness and humility
- From pleasure to appreciation and contentment
- From impatience to patience, able to wait for God
- From more to enough
- From immaturity to maturity
Grief & Loss
When we get to the other side of The Wall, it’s tempting to ignore the grief and loss that often accompany such a journey. Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death. How cheery! How true.
Loss
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss are done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God. Here’s one famous passage:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…(Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4)
Perhaps you were told, “Big boys don’t cry.” Maybe you heard the message emotions should not be expressed. Those are clearly not biblical ideas. Perhaps nobody demonstrated His feelings—especially grief—like Jesus.
Matthew 26:36-46
I think many people find themselves in the midst of suffering and wonder where they can find God, how God could possibly understand their circumstances, how He could just watch those He says He loves go through such pain and agony. He understands…and He is with us…always.
Jesus’ followers were shocked to see the Messiah suffer, but His agony was prophesied centuries earlier. The prophet Isaiah said:
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
That’s our God! He is familiar with grief and suffering, loss and pain. One of the most vivid examples is found in the Garden of Gethsemane, a place you can visit today in Jerusalem.
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Jesus knows sorrow.
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
He pleads for Plan B. He wants to go over, under, or around this Wall. Luke records this moment by saying
And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (Luke 22:44)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
Last week we noted the value of community, of support, of family. What do you do when those you need most aren’t there for you in your moment of greatest need?
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
He asks again for Plan B!
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Three times He begs the Father for a shortcut, for another path. He’s all alone. Can you imagine?
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed, distressed, and sorrowful. Can you relate? The book of Hebrews says:
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
In the Garden Jesus falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords!
One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
Many bury their pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control. It’s just like satan to tempt us into something, only to turn around and accuse us of the very action!
PTSD
These four letters together were not recognized until 1980 when the American Psychiatric Association added Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to the third of edition of its manual of mental disorders. Grief and loss—especially if not processed appropriately—can wreak havoc in our lives. Traumatic events can impact us beyond our ability to cope…and affect us long after the experience.
Biblical Grieving
I want to offer a few suggestions to those of you who are grieving.
Pay attention
Don’t live in denial. Jesus was very real in the Garden. He held nothing back. His emotional burden was so great it had physical manifestations as He sweat drops of blood.
Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
No matter what grief and loss you may be experiencing today, tomorrow is a new day. The story is not over. It’s SO hard to wait—for anything—but we can take hope knowing God is in control.
Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
Many of us find limits frustrating, but they are part of God’s plan. They cause us to rely upon Him. Paul had a “thorn in the flesh” God refused to remove. Undoubtedly it was to keep him on his knees, dependent upon God. Remember, life is not about us, it’s about God’s glory. When we are weak, He is strong and gets the glory.
Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
In the sixth century, St. Benedict introduced the idea of a twelve-step ladder for growing in the grace of humility. Here’s a modified version of it:
Step 8: Transformation into the Love of God (no sarcasm, arrogance; content)
Step 7: Speaking Less (“The wise are known for their few words”)
Step 6: Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners” (recognize our sinfulness)
Step 5: Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults (quit pretending)
Step 4: Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3: Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others (surrender power)
Step 2: Doing God’s Will (not your own or that of others)
Step 1: Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him (He is present)
Where are you at today? I’m working on Step 1! Humility is a rare virtue. Most of us struggle with pride, manifested through arrogance or insecurity. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less. When our focus is on Jesus, we don’t have to impress others, mask our emotions, or fear failure. We don’t even have to be “successful” in the eyes of the world. We simply have to be obedient and faithful to God, His Word, and His will.
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt. Jesus understands…and He is with us through the Holy Spirit.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
We continue to celebrate the Resurrection, not merely one day of the year but every day. Jesus’ story did not end in the garden or on the cross. Death always precedes resurrection and new life.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
The trash of the grief may smell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Questions for Discussion
What does this text tell us about God?
What does this text tell us about ourselves?
What significant losses/disappointments did you experience
How did you respond to each?
How did your family deal with grief and loss when you were growing up?
Share one recent loss in your life. How has it affected you?
After leaving everything to follow Jesus, how did Peter react to Jesus’ shocking prediction in Matthew 26:31-36?
What are some of the reasons that Jesus is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” in Matthew 26:38-44?
How does He deal with grief and loss?
Which of the common defenses do you use to protect yourself from grief and loss?
The central message of Christianity is that death and suffering bring resurrection and new life. How have you experienced this? Be specific.
Credits and Stuff
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Series: Go Deeper
Matthew 26:31-44
Introduction
We’re in the middle of a series entitled Go Deeper. Our lives are like an iceberg. We expose only a small portion of our real selves to others. Some of us live in denial about that which we know is true beneath the surface. Perhaps another way to say, “Go Deeper” is to say, “get real.” Get honest. Until we face reality, we will never be able to heal from the pain, overcome the addiction, or strengthen the weakness.
Last week we talked about how we can’t avoid trials. In this life, we will and do have trouble. We want to go over, under, or around but we must journey through the wall. Despite the courage involved, there are benefits to testing.
- God uses trials so we will look out…to others.
The book of Romans plainly says
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15)
We are to
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
In addition,
- God uses trials so we will look up…to Him. He is with us…always. That’s a promise.
At the Wall, God asks some tough questions.
“What would you do without Me?”
“What will you do without My blessings?”
“Will you continue to seek Me?”
“Will you seek the ‘Other’ instead?”
At the Wall we learn a single truth that gets burned into us: life isn’t about us; it’s about God and His glory.
You were created by God.
You were created for God.
You were created for God’s glory.
On the Other Side of the Wall
The Wall always changes us. We can be bitter…or better. The Wall offers us an opportunity to move
- From pride to brokenness and humility
- From pleasure to appreciation and contentment
- From impatience to patience, able to wait for God
- From more to enough
- From immaturity to maturity
Grief & Loss
When we get to the other side of The Wall, it’s tempting to ignore the grief and loss that often accompany such a journey. Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death. How cheery! How true.
Loss
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss are done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God. Here’s one famous passage:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…(Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4)
Perhaps you were told, “Big boys don’t cry.” Maybe you heard the message emotions should not be expressed. Those are clearly not biblical ideas. Perhaps nobody demonstrated His feelings—especially grief—like Jesus.
Matthew 26:36-46
I think many people find themselves in the midst of suffering and wonder where they can find God, how God could possibly understand their circumstances, how He could just watch those He says He loves go through such pain and agony. He understands…and He is with us…always.
Jesus’ followers were shocked to see the Messiah suffer, but His agony was prophesied centuries earlier. The prophet Isaiah said:
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
That’s our God! He is familiar with grief and suffering, loss and pain. One of the most vivid examples is found in the Garden of Gethsemane, a place you can visit today in Jerusalem.
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Jesus knows sorrow.
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
He pleads for Plan B. He wants to go over, under, or around this Wall. Luke records this moment by saying
And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (Luke 22:44)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
Last week we noted the value of community, of support, of family. What do you do when those you need most aren’t there for you in your moment of greatest need?
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
He asks again for Plan B!
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Three times He begs the Father for a shortcut, for another path. He’s all alone. Can you imagine?
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed, distressed, and sorrowful. Can you relate? The book of Hebrews says:
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
In the Garden Jesus falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords!
One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
Many bury their pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control. It’s just like satan to tempt us into something, only to turn around and accuse us of the very action!
PTSD
These four letters together were not recognized until 1980 when the American Psychiatric Association added Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to the third of edition of its manual of mental disorders. Grief and loss—especially if not processed appropriately—can wreak havoc in our lives. Traumatic events can impact us beyond our ability to cope…and affect us long after the experience.
Biblical Grieving
I want to offer a few suggestions to those of you who are grieving.
Pay attention
Don’t live in denial. Jesus was very real in the Garden. He held nothing back. His emotional burden was so great it had physical manifestations as He sweat drops of blood.
Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
No matter what grief and loss you may be experiencing today, tomorrow is a new day. The story is not over. It’s SO hard to wait—for anything—but we can take hope knowing God is in control.
Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
- - physical body
- - family of origin
- - marital status
- - intellectual capacity
- - talents and gifts
- - material wealth
- - educational opportunities
- - raw material (personality, temperament)
- - time
- - work
- - relationship realities
- - spiritual understanding
- - ministry
Many of us find limits frustrating, but they are part of God’s plan. They cause us to rely upon Him. Paul had a “thorn in the flesh” God refused to remove. Undoubtedly it was to keep him on his knees, dependent upon God. Remember, life is not about us, it’s about God’s glory. When we are weak, He is strong and gets the glory.
Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
In the sixth century, St. Benedict introduced the idea of a twelve-step ladder for growing in the grace of humility. Here’s a modified version of it:
Step 8: Transformation into the Love of God (no sarcasm, arrogance; content)
Step 7: Speaking Less (“The wise are known for their few words”)
Step 6: Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners” (recognize our sinfulness)
Step 5: Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults (quit pretending)
Step 4: Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3: Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others (surrender power)
Step 2: Doing God’s Will (not your own or that of others)
Step 1: Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him (He is present)
Where are you at today? I’m working on Step 1! Humility is a rare virtue. Most of us struggle with pride, manifested through arrogance or insecurity. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less. When our focus is on Jesus, we don’t have to impress others, mask our emotions, or fear failure. We don’t even have to be “successful” in the eyes of the world. We simply have to be obedient and faithful to God, His Word, and His will.
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt. Jesus understands…and He is with us through the Holy Spirit.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
We continue to celebrate the Resurrection, not merely one day of the year but every day. Jesus’ story did not end in the garden or on the cross. Death always precedes resurrection and new life.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
The trash of the grief may smell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Questions for Discussion
What does this text tell us about God?
What does this text tell us about ourselves?
What significant losses/disappointments did you experience
- - when you were age 3-12?
- - as a teenager?
- - as a young adult?
- - as an adult?
How did you respond to each?
How did your family deal with grief and loss when you were growing up?
Share one recent loss in your life. How has it affected you?
After leaving everything to follow Jesus, how did Peter react to Jesus’ shocking prediction in Matthew 26:31-36?
What are some of the reasons that Jesus is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” in Matthew 26:38-44?
How does He deal with grief and loss?
Which of the common defenses do you use to protect yourself from grief and loss?
The central message of Christianity is that death and suffering bring resurrection and new life. How have you experienced this? Be specific.
Credits and Stuff
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
Enough, John 11:1-37, 10 March 2013
Big Idea: Do you trust God because of what He does or for who He is? Is Jesus enough…or is your love for Him conditional?
Song: I Give You My Heart by Rueben Morgan
Do you trust God? Completely?
LORD, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
With every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
LORD have Your way in me
What would lead You to so fully surrender your life?
Is it because Jesus died for you?
Is it because God created you?
Is it because you have experienced His presence and power?
Is it because you have witnessed answered prayer?
Is it because someone told you it’s the proper thing to do?
Or is it simply because you love and want Jesus for who He is?
Introduction
We continue our series on the Gospel of John, a biography written by one of Jesus’ best friends. His purpose in writing can be found in chapter 20:
Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (20:30-31)
The first ten chapters have presented Jesus as a controversial figure, attracting great crowds through miracles and teachings while creating great hatred among the envious, legalistic, judgmental religious leaders.
It’s easy to skim through familiar stories, but as we read the narrative, imagine you had never heard it previously. Imagine that you have no idea what follows and each word is a choice morsel in your ears. I’ll warn you: we are not going to finish the story today. You may know the ending, but suspend that information and absorb just today’s Scripture with me.
Much like a stage play, this story has several scenes.
Scene One: The Death of Lazarus (1-16)
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” (1-3)
There are three siblings. They are not especially wealthy as Beth-any means “house of the poor.” Martha was a busybody who we’re told in Luke 10 worked around the house while her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. Jesus loved Lazarus their brother and he was sick.
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. (4-6)
The Father is glorified through the glory of the Son.
I’m sure they were relieved to know that Lazarus’ sickness would not end in death. Still, if Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, why did He linger for two days? Most likely He was praying, praying for Lazarus and wisdom. Remember, everything Jesus said and did had tremendous consequences from both the crowds and critics. He was a wanted man, in two different ways.
Then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.” (7)
“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews tried to stone you, and yet you are going back there?” (8)
Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.” (9-10)
Jesus is the light of the world.
After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” (11)
His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. (12-13)
Death has a new name for the believer: sleep. Only the body dies. The soul does not. Resurrection always refers to the body. Our bodies do not have souls. Rather, our souls have bodies.
So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” (14-15)
Jesus was glad? Jesus had spent time with the Father and obeyed His plan. God would redeem this tragic death and use it for His glory.
Then Thomas (called Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” (16)
Thomas was hardly an optimist but at least he was willing to die. If you recall, Jesus is a wanted man and His followers would also be a threat to the religious authorities.
Jesus rarely follows conventional wisdom. When Lazarus was sick, He stayed away. When He said sleep, He meant dead. He said to go in the daytime to avoid tripping in the dark. N.T. Wright notes,
“If you try to steer your course by your own understanding, you’ll trip up, because you’ll be in the dark. But if you stick close to him, and see the situation from his point of view, then, even if it means days and perhaps years of puzzlement, wondering why nothing seems to be happening, you will come out at the right place in the end.”
Scene Two: The Resurrection and the Life (17-27)
On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. (17-20)
There is a small crowd here. Many Jews were there to comfort the sisters.
Four days in the tomb was significant because the rabbinic teachings believed that when a person died, their spirit hovered over the body for three days so if the body was resuscitated, the spirit would return to it. After three days, the spirit was gone and there was no hope for the body.
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” (21-22)
Martha says, “If only…”
Perhaps the tone (we don’t know) was, “You’re too late.”
Have you ever felt like that? God, if only…then…
Why didn’t you intervene? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why did I have to experience…? Why didn’t you do a miracle for me? Why didn’t I get chosen to win the lottery?
Notice her faith, though. She knew the Father would do whatever Jesus asked. She held out hope for a miracle. Jesus tells her to look forward to the future rather than remaining stuck in the present moment.
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” (23)
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (24)
There were two popular religious tribe, the Pharisees who believed in the resurrection and the Sadducees who did not.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (25-26)
This is a great declaration! It is the fifth of seven “I am” statements Jesus will make in John. When He says He is the resurrection and the life, He is saying that He is the very power of God unto life. He is life for all of His people. If you believe in Him, you will never die. He doesn’t say He can perform resurrections, He says that He is the resurrection…and the life. Jesus is life (John 10:10)!
“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” (27)
This was the testimony of Simon Peter, too.
Scene Three: Jesus Goes To The Tomb (28-37)
And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. (28-31)
There is something powerful about the presence of friends in the midst of grief. It can be frustrating when we comfort others. What do we say? What do we do? I have learned that often words are unnecessary. “I’m sorry for your loss” and possibly a hug are enough.
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (32)
Mary says, “If only…”
Perhaps the tone again (we don’t know) was, “You’re too late.”
It’s better for us to have the Holy Spirit than to have Jesus in the flesh.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. (33-34)
There are two words here that need to be clarified. In the Greek, the word translated “weeping” is better stated as “loud wailing and crying.” The word “troubled” in the original Greek was more accurately translated “irate.”
When Jesus saw her wailing, and the Jews who had come along with her also wailing, he was outraged and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. (33-34; edited)
Jesus saw everyone around Him weeping and He groaned in anger. Why? The sisters’ lack of faith? I believe it was the reality of death. He created our beautiful universe and sin has been slowly destroying it. This world is not the way it’s supposed to be. Sometimes I get angry at death, at cancer, at disease, at injustice. In Jesus’ case, He knew that in a few days He would encounter death.
Jesus wept. (35)
There it is—the shortest verse in the Bible!
Jesus, the Son of God, the eternal Word of God, cried. Why? He lost a dear friend, but knew that loss would be reversed. Was it because of their unbelief? Most likely He cried as He grieved with Mary and Martha and their great loss. He could’ve said, “Hey! Stop crying! Watch this!” Instead, He has empathy and shares their heartache and pain.
Death is a horrible reality in our broken world and we need to grieve. Jesus grieved. Perhaps you’ve been told to ignore grief and sadness since “all things work together for the good” but that is to deny the emotions given to us by God and experienced by God. Romans 12:15 tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (36-37)
It was obvious that Jesus loved Lazarus. The Jews asked a fair question, and of course Jesus could’ve kept Lazarus from dying, but God’s ways are higher than our ways. His plans and purposes and timing far exceed our imagination. I think it’s perfectly appropriate to ask, “Why, LORD?” The Scriptures are filled with God-fearing men and women that asked questions of God.
Ultimately the question is do you trust God?
It’s rather audacious for us to think that we know better than God. Last Sunday night we watched the first episode of The Bible on The History Channel. It was a violent, bloody show depicting many Old Testament scenes that caused many to question how God could endorse the slaughter of first-born Egyptians, the destruction of Sodom, and let’s not forget the complete annihilation of every living creature that failed to get on Noah’s ark.
Doubt and questions expressed with humility and respect are one thing. Shaking your fist at God, judging Him, is quite another. After Job’s life was all but destroyed, God provided some perspective beginning with the 38th chapter.
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? (Job 38:3-5)
“Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? (Job 38:12-13)
“Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting? (Job 39:19-20)
The LORD said to Job: “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!”
Then Job answered the LORD: “I am unworthy — how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer — twice, but I will say no more.” (Job 40:1-5)
If you judge God, remember that God himself got out of His judgment seat to become the chief of sinners and be judged with you and by you. God feels our pain more than we can imagine because He suffered and died…for us and for our sin. Nobody knows and understands pain like Jesus.
God is sovereign and in control.
God is omnipotent and all-powerful.
God is omniscient and knows all.
God is omnipresent and everywhere.
Again, I think it’s appropriate to ask questions of God, but making demands of Him is ludicrous. He’s God and we’re not. We can rejoice that He is not only all of those “omnis” but also that He is slow to anger and abounding in love, gracious, merciful and compassionate. We can celebrate that we don’t get what we deserve, for we have all offended the Holy God and fall short of His standards of righteousness.
This does not mean that we should turn funerals into parties and dance for joy in the midst of tragedy. It does mean, however, that God has a plan. He always has a plan. His timing can be trusted. His ways can be trusted. Yet knowing He is sovereign and in control and watching Him ignore or delay our cries for help necessitates and even increases our grief, but it is a hopeful grief—a very, very bitter but hopeful grief. The bottom line is not happiness, but His glory. LORD, be glorified!
I’m in the midst of one of the most urgent seasons of prayer in my life, begging God to heal my girl. The medical experts thought she should improve after three weeks of intense treatments, yet more than six months later she remains unable to walk.
What is your plan, LORD? What are You waiting for? I know You can heal her. Show Your power. The doctors gave up so now You can get all of the glory. We’ll even post her healing on Facebook for all of the world to see!
I believe with all of my heart that she will walk again. For months I have been wrestling with God about the timing! This week I cried, “Uncle!” and surrendered it to Him. Until I start to worry and get impatient again!
The story is not over. Your story is not over. There is more to come. An exciting future awaits us. In the meantime, we must trust God and wait patiently (Psalm 40).
One of my favorite musical artists, Kirk Franklin, posted this on Tuesday:
So if God has my problem already worked out, why do I still go through it? Because what He DOESN'T have worked out yet is your attitude...That's what the problem is for. Go.
Do you trust God because of what He does or for who He is? Is your love for Him conditional...or is Jesus enough?
You can listen to the podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
Song: I Give You My Heart by Rueben Morgan
Do you trust God? Completely?
LORD, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
With every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
LORD have Your way in me
What would lead You to so fully surrender your life?
Is it because Jesus died for you?
Is it because God created you?
Is it because you have experienced His presence and power?
Is it because you have witnessed answered prayer?
Is it because someone told you it’s the proper thing to do?
Or is it simply because you love and want Jesus for who He is?
Introduction
We continue our series on the Gospel of John, a biography written by one of Jesus’ best friends. His purpose in writing can be found in chapter 20:
Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (20:30-31)
The first ten chapters have presented Jesus as a controversial figure, attracting great crowds through miracles and teachings while creating great hatred among the envious, legalistic, judgmental religious leaders.
It’s easy to skim through familiar stories, but as we read the narrative, imagine you had never heard it previously. Imagine that you have no idea what follows and each word is a choice morsel in your ears. I’ll warn you: we are not going to finish the story today. You may know the ending, but suspend that information and absorb just today’s Scripture with me.
Much like a stage play, this story has several scenes.
Scene One: The Death of Lazarus (1-16)
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” (1-3)
There are three siblings. They are not especially wealthy as Beth-any means “house of the poor.” Martha was a busybody who we’re told in Luke 10 worked around the house while her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. Jesus loved Lazarus their brother and he was sick.
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. (4-6)
The Father is glorified through the glory of the Son.
I’m sure they were relieved to know that Lazarus’ sickness would not end in death. Still, if Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, why did He linger for two days? Most likely He was praying, praying for Lazarus and wisdom. Remember, everything Jesus said and did had tremendous consequences from both the crowds and critics. He was a wanted man, in two different ways.
Then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.” (7)
“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews tried to stone you, and yet you are going back there?” (8)
Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.” (9-10)
Jesus is the light of the world.
After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” (11)
His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. (12-13)
Death has a new name for the believer: sleep. Only the body dies. The soul does not. Resurrection always refers to the body. Our bodies do not have souls. Rather, our souls have bodies.
So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” (14-15)
Jesus was glad? Jesus had spent time with the Father and obeyed His plan. God would redeem this tragic death and use it for His glory.
Then Thomas (called Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” (16)
Thomas was hardly an optimist but at least he was willing to die. If you recall, Jesus is a wanted man and His followers would also be a threat to the religious authorities.
Jesus rarely follows conventional wisdom. When Lazarus was sick, He stayed away. When He said sleep, He meant dead. He said to go in the daytime to avoid tripping in the dark. N.T. Wright notes,
“If you try to steer your course by your own understanding, you’ll trip up, because you’ll be in the dark. But if you stick close to him, and see the situation from his point of view, then, even if it means days and perhaps years of puzzlement, wondering why nothing seems to be happening, you will come out at the right place in the end.”
Scene Two: The Resurrection and the Life (17-27)
On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. (17-20)
There is a small crowd here. Many Jews were there to comfort the sisters.
Four days in the tomb was significant because the rabbinic teachings believed that when a person died, their spirit hovered over the body for three days so if the body was resuscitated, the spirit would return to it. After three days, the spirit was gone and there was no hope for the body.
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” (21-22)
Martha says, “If only…”
Perhaps the tone (we don’t know) was, “You’re too late.”
Have you ever felt like that? God, if only…then…
Why didn’t you intervene? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why did I have to experience…? Why didn’t you do a miracle for me? Why didn’t I get chosen to win the lottery?
Notice her faith, though. She knew the Father would do whatever Jesus asked. She held out hope for a miracle. Jesus tells her to look forward to the future rather than remaining stuck in the present moment.
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” (23)
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (24)
There were two popular religious tribe, the Pharisees who believed in the resurrection and the Sadducees who did not.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (25-26)
This is a great declaration! It is the fifth of seven “I am” statements Jesus will make in John. When He says He is the resurrection and the life, He is saying that He is the very power of God unto life. He is life for all of His people. If you believe in Him, you will never die. He doesn’t say He can perform resurrections, He says that He is the resurrection…and the life. Jesus is life (John 10:10)!
“Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.” (27)
This was the testimony of Simon Peter, too.
Scene Three: Jesus Goes To The Tomb (28-37)
And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. (28-31)
There is something powerful about the presence of friends in the midst of grief. It can be frustrating when we comfort others. What do we say? What do we do? I have learned that often words are unnecessary. “I’m sorry for your loss” and possibly a hug are enough.
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (32)
Mary says, “If only…”
Perhaps the tone again (we don’t know) was, “You’re too late.”
It’s better for us to have the Holy Spirit than to have Jesus in the flesh.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. (33-34)
There are two words here that need to be clarified. In the Greek, the word translated “weeping” is better stated as “loud wailing and crying.” The word “troubled” in the original Greek was more accurately translated “irate.”
When Jesus saw her wailing, and the Jews who had come along with her also wailing, he was outraged and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. (33-34; edited)
Jesus saw everyone around Him weeping and He groaned in anger. Why? The sisters’ lack of faith? I believe it was the reality of death. He created our beautiful universe and sin has been slowly destroying it. This world is not the way it’s supposed to be. Sometimes I get angry at death, at cancer, at disease, at injustice. In Jesus’ case, He knew that in a few days He would encounter death.
Jesus wept. (35)
There it is—the shortest verse in the Bible!
Jesus, the Son of God, the eternal Word of God, cried. Why? He lost a dear friend, but knew that loss would be reversed. Was it because of their unbelief? Most likely He cried as He grieved with Mary and Martha and their great loss. He could’ve said, “Hey! Stop crying! Watch this!” Instead, He has empathy and shares their heartache and pain.
Death is a horrible reality in our broken world and we need to grieve. Jesus grieved. Perhaps you’ve been told to ignore grief and sadness since “all things work together for the good” but that is to deny the emotions given to us by God and experienced by God. Romans 12:15 tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (36-37)
It was obvious that Jesus loved Lazarus. The Jews asked a fair question, and of course Jesus could’ve kept Lazarus from dying, but God’s ways are higher than our ways. His plans and purposes and timing far exceed our imagination. I think it’s perfectly appropriate to ask, “Why, LORD?” The Scriptures are filled with God-fearing men and women that asked questions of God.
Ultimately the question is do you trust God?
It’s rather audacious for us to think that we know better than God. Last Sunday night we watched the first episode of The Bible on The History Channel. It was a violent, bloody show depicting many Old Testament scenes that caused many to question how God could endorse the slaughter of first-born Egyptians, the destruction of Sodom, and let’s not forget the complete annihilation of every living creature that failed to get on Noah’s ark.
Doubt and questions expressed with humility and respect are one thing. Shaking your fist at God, judging Him, is quite another. After Job’s life was all but destroyed, God provided some perspective beginning with the 38th chapter.
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? (Job 38:3-5)
“Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? (Job 38:12-13)
“Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting? (Job 39:19-20)
The LORD said to Job: “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!”
Then Job answered the LORD: “I am unworthy — how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer — twice, but I will say no more.” (Job 40:1-5)
If you judge God, remember that God himself got out of His judgment seat to become the chief of sinners and be judged with you and by you. God feels our pain more than we can imagine because He suffered and died…for us and for our sin. Nobody knows and understands pain like Jesus.
God is sovereign and in control.
God is omnipotent and all-powerful.
God is omniscient and knows all.
God is omnipresent and everywhere.
Again, I think it’s appropriate to ask questions of God, but making demands of Him is ludicrous. He’s God and we’re not. We can rejoice that He is not only all of those “omnis” but also that He is slow to anger and abounding in love, gracious, merciful and compassionate. We can celebrate that we don’t get what we deserve, for we have all offended the Holy God and fall short of His standards of righteousness.
This does not mean that we should turn funerals into parties and dance for joy in the midst of tragedy. It does mean, however, that God has a plan. He always has a plan. His timing can be trusted. His ways can be trusted. Yet knowing He is sovereign and in control and watching Him ignore or delay our cries for help necessitates and even increases our grief, but it is a hopeful grief—a very, very bitter but hopeful grief. The bottom line is not happiness, but His glory. LORD, be glorified!
I’m in the midst of one of the most urgent seasons of prayer in my life, begging God to heal my girl. The medical experts thought she should improve after three weeks of intense treatments, yet more than six months later she remains unable to walk.
What is your plan, LORD? What are You waiting for? I know You can heal her. Show Your power. The doctors gave up so now You can get all of the glory. We’ll even post her healing on Facebook for all of the world to see!
I believe with all of my heart that she will walk again. For months I have been wrestling with God about the timing! This week I cried, “Uncle!” and surrendered it to Him. Until I start to worry and get impatient again!
The story is not over. Your story is not over. There is more to come. An exciting future awaits us. In the meantime, we must trust God and wait patiently (Psalm 40).
One of my favorite musical artists, Kirk Franklin, posted this on Tuesday:
So if God has my problem already worked out, why do I still go through it? Because what He DOESN'T have worked out yet is your attitude...That's what the problem is for. Go.
Do you trust God because of what He does or for who He is? Is your love for Him conditional...or is Jesus enough?
You can listen to the podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief And Loss, 29 January 2012
01 02 12 Filed in: Sermons | Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Theme
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzeros’ book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The fourth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to enlarge your soul through grief and loss.
Loss
Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death.
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss is done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Job
Few understand loss and grief more than Job. He’s not the only one, though!
Matthew 26:36-46
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed and sorrowful. He is distressed. The word in the book of Mark means horror.
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
He falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords! One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
We love to bury the pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control.
Biblical Grieving
1. Pay attention
2. Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
3. Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
- physical body
- family of origin
- marital status
- intellectual capacity
- talents and gifts
- material wealth
- educational opportunities
- raw material (personality, temperament)
- time
- work
- relationship realities
- spiritual understanding
- ministry
4. Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility
Step 8 Transformation into the Love of God
Step 7 Speaking Less
Step 6 Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners”
Step 5 Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults
Step 4 Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3 Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others
Step 2 Doing God’s Will (Not Your Own Or Other People’s)
Step 1 Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
Book by Philip Simmons, contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 35.
The trash of the grief may spell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
Jesus knows and understands life. He knows temptation (Hebrews 4:15) and suffering.
Patient Trust
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is a law of progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstance
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzeros’ book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The fourth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to enlarge your soul through grief and loss.
Loss
Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death.
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss is done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Job
Few understand loss and grief more than Job. He’s not the only one, though!
Matthew 26:36-46
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed and sorrowful. He is distressed. The word in the book of Mark means horror.
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
He falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords! One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
We love to bury the pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control.
Biblical Grieving
1. Pay attention
2. Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
3. Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
- physical body
- family of origin
- marital status
- intellectual capacity
- talents and gifts
- material wealth
- educational opportunities
- raw material (personality, temperament)
- time
- work
- relationship realities
- spiritual understanding
- ministry
4. Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility
Step 8 Transformation into the Love of God
Step 7 Speaking Less
Step 6 Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners”
Step 5 Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults
Step 4 Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3 Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others
Step 2 Doing God’s Will (Not Your Own Or Other People’s)
Step 1 Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
Book by Philip Simmons, contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 35.
The trash of the grief may spell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
Jesus knows and understands life. He knows temptation (Hebrews 4:15) and suffering.
Patient Trust
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is a law of progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstance
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.