Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief And Loss, 29 January 2012
01 02 12 Filed in: Sermons | Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Theme
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzeros’ book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The fourth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to enlarge your soul through grief and loss.
Loss
Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death.
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss is done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Job
Few understand loss and grief more than Job. He’s not the only one, though!
Matthew 26:36-46
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed and sorrowful. He is distressed. The word in the book of Mark means horror.
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
He falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords! One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
We love to bury the pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control.
Biblical Grieving
1. Pay attention
2. Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
3. Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
- physical body
- family of origin
- marital status
- intellectual capacity
- talents and gifts
- material wealth
- educational opportunities
- raw material (personality, temperament)
- time
- work
- relationship realities
- spiritual understanding
- ministry
4. Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility
Step 8 Transformation into the Love of God
Step 7 Speaking Less
Step 6 Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners”
Step 5 Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults
Step 4 Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3 Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others
Step 2 Doing God’s Will (Not Your Own Or Other People’s)
Step 1 Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
Book by Philip Simmons, contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 35.
The trash of the grief may spell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
Jesus knows and understands life. He knows temptation (Hebrews 4:15) and suffering.
Patient Trust
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is a law of progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstance
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzeros’ book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The fourth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to enlarge your soul through grief and loss.
Loss
Adrian Rogers said that everything in life relates to sin, sorrow and death.
All of life is about loss. We lose the safety of our mother’s womb, youth, dreams, control, illusions, and ultimately our health.
Grief and loss is done differently in various cultures and families.
Two-thirds of the Psalms deal with grief. They are called laments. The books of Job and Lamentations are also filled with grief and loss.
Scripture has been called the music of God.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Job
Few understand loss and grief more than Job. He’s not the only one, though!
Matthew 26:36-46
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38)
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41)
He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. (Matthew 26:43-44)
Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:45-46)
Jesus is depressed and sorrowful. He is distressed. The word in the book of Mark means horror.
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
He falls to His face to the ground. He is prostrate on the ground. His sweat was like drops of blood (Luke 22:44). He is experiencing loss, preparing for the loss of His life and, even worse, the loss of His connection to the Father. He will become sin, taking our sins upon Himself. He will bear the wrath and judgment of a holy God. He will lose his friend Judas. He will lose the support of His followers who will abandon Him. His creation will crucify Him…all in the name of God!
This is not an attractive image of the King of kings and LORD of lords! One element of the Scriptures that lends to their credibility is the raw, honest portrayals of the “heroes” of the Bible. The writers are never afraid to tell it like it is, warts and all!
This is not happy, successful, popular, wealthy Jesus!
This is our perfect model of what it means to be fully human.
Reactions To Pain
Divorce, death, breakups, failures, disappointments, shattered dreams, painful memories, and other forms of grief and loss invade our lives. Common reactions/defenses to grief and loss include
- denial
- minimizing (admitting something is wrong, but not acknowledging its impact)
- blaming others (or God)
- blaming yourself
- rationalizing (offering excuses and justifications)
- intellectualizing (analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness/feelings)
- distracting
- becoming hostile
- medicating
We love to bury the pain of grief with addictions that are followed by guilt and shame as we lose control.
Biblical Grieving
1. Pay attention
2. Wait in the confusing in-between (Ps. 37:7)
3. Embrace the gift of limits
In addition to loss, we are faced with limits in our life. Limits in our life include
- physical body
- family of origin
- marital status
- intellectual capacity
- talents and gifts
- material wealth
- educational opportunities
- raw material (personality, temperament)
- time
- work
- relationship realities
- spiritual understanding
- ministry
4. Climb the ladder of humility
The word humility comes from the Latin humus which means “of the earth.”
St. Benedict’s Ladder of Humility
Step 8 Transformation into the Love of God
Step 7 Speaking Less
Step 6 Deeply Aware of Being “Chief of All Sinners”
Step 5 Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults
Step 4 Patience To Accept The Difficulty of Others
Step 3 Willing To Subject Ourselves To The Direction of Others
Step 2 Doing God’s Will (Not Your Own Or Other People’s)
Step 1 Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him
Listening To The Interruption
Jesus doesn’t deny his grief. Why do so many Christians?
Jesus is real and authentic. He feels. He expresses His emotions.
He listens to the interruptions of His life.
Have you ever felt so bad that you could just die? That’s how Jesus felt.
This passage is difficult for some people who want Jesus the superhero. For the rest of us, it is reassuring that He understands our struggles and trials and agony.
It is human to feel and hurt.
Learning To Fall
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24)
Book by Philip Simmons, contracted Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 35.
The trash of the grief may spell, but there are diamonds in the mess that God can use.
When we listen to the interruption and learn to fall, our souls will enlarge.
a. our self-will breaks
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus had a human will. He was fully God but also fully human. His humanity did not want to obey the Father. He did not naturally obey the Father. He wanted out. He submitted His will to the Father’s will.
Jesus prayed three times for the Father’s will.
You learn obedience through the struggle of grief.
You lose control at the wall (last week’s message).
Life is more than a series of problems we need to solve. Life is a mystery.
b. we learn about prayer
Prayer is the center of our life with Christ. David, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus grieved with God through prayer.
c. we create space for God
In emptying ourselves, we make room for more of God. When we give up control, we can lean into God.
Resurrection
The beauty of dying to ourselves is the opportunity to be resurrected in Christ. This is beautifully illustrated in the water grave of baptism.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
Jesus knows and understands life. He knows temptation (Hebrews 4:15) and suffering.
Patient Trust
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is a law of progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstance
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.