Relationships
The "S" Word, 22 October 2023
19 10 23 Filed in: Sermons | Ephesians: Our True Identity
The "S" Word
Ephesians: Finding Our True Identity
Ephesians 5:21-33
Series Big Idea: The book of Ephesians reveals our true identity…in Christ!
Big Idea: We are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Although my primary identity is found in Christ, I’m a citizen of the United States. I love this country. There’s a spirit of creativity, innovation, and risk-taking that has made us a world leader in business, education, science, military, and entertainment. But every strength has a weakness, and one of the negatives about our pioneering spirit is we are almost certainly the most individualistic nation in the history of the world. Rugged individualism has value, but also a huge downside. You may recall God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone” in Genesis. Is it any wonder so many today are lonely? Cancel culture has run amok, divorce has split many families, and in our “pursuit of happiness,” we are tempted to ignore those around us.
As we continue in our series on the book of Ephesians—a letter written by Paul to a church in modern-day Turkey—we will see what is possibly the most offensive word in our individualized culture.
Before we dive in to our text, I want to remind you of the ending of Pastor Mike’s text from two weeks ago.
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:15-20, NLT)
This is all possible when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, controlled by the Holy Spirit, surrendered to the Holy Spirit. Now we begin.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, NLT)
There it is! Did you see it? Submit! How does that make you feel?
The original Greek word, hupotasso (hoop-ot-as’-so) means, “to subordinate; to obey; subdue unto, submit self unto.” In other words, it means what you think it means!
Submission is not popular in our culture. It was hardly popular 2000 years ago in the midst of the Roman Empire when Paul was writing. Although racism and discrimination are very real today, we live in a nation that, at least in writing, believes “all men are created equal.” There was not such philosophy in Rome. Abuse was rampant. Women were slaves. In fact, going much farther back to the opening chapter of the Bible we read,
Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. (Genesis 1:26a, NLT)
Notice the Trinity, the plural, us…one God in three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God created the first man, Adam (which means “man” in Hebrew) and woman and all was well until the Fall when Adam and Eve sinned. Hierarchy emerged after the Fall when God said to Eve,
And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16b, NLT)
Do you see the tension? Ever since, men have been trying to domineer over women (and men). Women have been striving to even the score. Humans have been trying to get others to obey, to submit. We love power and control, don’t we? Sin is so common, we often don’t even recognize it when we commit it.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, NLT)
But notice Paul didn’t just say, “Submit!” In fact, he didn’t even say, “Submit to God.” He says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
We’re going to see how this related to marriage in a moment, but note this verse is not addressed to couples. It’s for all of us. We don’t blindly submit to one another, but in our quest to glorify God and revere Christ, we love one another and submit to one another. The Greek word for reverence, phobos, is where we get the word “phobia.” It means to be put in fear, alarm or fright, to be afraid. This doesn’t mean to avoid, but to recognize the power of, to be in awe of, to revere. We are to be in awe of Jesus, to make him LORD and Master of our lives. To fear someone or something often involves terror, causing us to run away. Fear of the LORD means awe and wonder, drawing us closer to God like the awe and wonder of the Grand Canyon. To put it simply, what you fear is your God.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, NLT)
Did I see some women wince? Remember, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Yield to each other out of love. It’s not about hierarchy or power but bringing God glory in and through our relationships. One commentator says, “All it asks is that wives give up self-centeredness, take seriously their mutuality with their husbands, and promote the benefit of their husbands.”
In Paul’s day, women were considered not only inferior to men, but also impure.
For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:23-24, NLT)
Tragically, this passage has been abused by men seeking power. Ladies, this does not mean be a doormat, tolerate abuse of any kind, or engage in sinful behavior (which would not be out of reverence to Christ).
Listen to N.T. Wright on this text:
Paul assumes, as do most cultures, that there are significant differences between men and women, differences that go far beyond mere biological and reproductive function. Their relations and roles must therefore be mutually complementary, rather than identical. Equality in voting rights, and in employment opportunities and remuneration (which is still not a reality in many places), should not be taken to imply such identity. And, within marriage, the guideline is clear. The husband is to take the lead - though he is to do so fully mindful of the self-sacrificial model which the Messiah has provided. As soon as 'taking the lead' becomes bullying or arrogant, the whole thing collapses.
I fully realize Paul is not politically correct, but is our culture offering a better model for men and women? It seems that our world is plagued by broken homes, broken marriages, broken relationships…could it be that we have abandoned God’s design for family? This is not an attack on those of you who are not in healthy marriages—far from it—but I wonder if we would embrace our differences, celebrate them, and submit to one another if we wouldn’t be vastly better off.
As the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Tragically, this passage has been abused by men seeking power which I believe is what started the rejection of God’s design for marriage. I’ve heard so many stories of women rejecting and even hating men after suffering evil abuse. Ladies, if you find it hard to imagine submitting to a man, consider the next verse.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her (Ephesians 5:25, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Husbands, Jesus died for the church. Are you willing to die for your wife? That’s the point. Such dedication would never make selfish demands. It would never harm or abuse. Godly husbands love sacrificially, making submission a joy.
Husbands, Jesus is to be your role model. Not Hugh Hefner or Lebron James, Neil Armstrong, Nelson Mandela, or Bear Grylls. Jesus was not married, but the church is his bride, the king’s wife. He gave us his life for her and we are to give up our lives for our wives (hey, that rhymes!).
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…unto death!
A few years ago I was speaking with one of our senior saints and asked him, “How many times have you ever played the submit card?” In other words, how many times did you take charge, telling your wife to obey? He paused and said, “Zero!”
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Paul elaborates:
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28
(Ephesians 5:25-27, NLT)
This is a beautiful vision of what Jesus has done for us, the church. Hallelujah!
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:28-30, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
One of my favorite passages to read at wedding says,
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3, NLT)
This isn’t rocket science. Jesus summarized the entire Bible in two commands: love God and love your neighbor (or spouse) as yourself. You take care of your body. You eat. You bathe. You see a doctor when you’re in pain. Imagine what would happen if spouses cared for one another like they care for themselves. Of course, this need not be restricted to marriages. This verse applies to all of us, a brilliant vision of life together. Warren Wiersbe notes,
When the Christian wife submits herself to Christ and lets Him be the Lord of her life, she will have no difficulty submitting to her husband. This does not mean that she becomes a slave, for the husband is also to submit to Christ. And if both are living under the lordship of Christ, there can be only harmony. Headship is not dictatorship. “Each for the other, both for the Lord.” The Christian husband and wife should pray together and spend time in the Word, so that they might know God’s will for their individual lives and for their home. Most of the marital conflicts I have dealt with as a pastor have stemmed from failure of the husband and/or wife to submit to Christ, spend time in His Word, and seek to do His will each day.
To conclude, Paul goes all the way back to Genesis 2:24:
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (Ephesians 5:31-32, NLT)
There’s two things going on simultaneously here. Do you see it? A husband and wife are united into one. This is true of Jesus and his bride, the Church.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Family, I’ve seen two extremes. I’ve seen men rule over their wives which is clearly not submission. I’ve also seen men afraid to exercise servant leadership, so passive that they become doormats.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
God’s design for marriage is a man and woman complement one another…different yet equal. We don’t need to embrace societal stereotypes that say the man does the outdoor work and the woman does the inside work…unless that’s what is agreed upon mutually. I’ve heard some preachers say the women must stay home with the kids while the man brings home a paycheck…but I’ve seen healthy examples where the roles are reversed…if that’s what is agreed upon mutually. Obviously our economy makes it challenging—but not impossible—to live on one income. But you need to find what works for your marriage.
As a simple example, we decided early in our marriage that whoever cooks, the other cleans. For 33 years I do dishes about 360 days a year! Some men love to cook, which is great. Do what works for you. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It’s worth noting the man is to love his wife and the woman is to respect her husband. For further reading on this, see loveandrespect.com (not necessarily an endorsement!). I believe the overarching point is men and women are different…by design.
A husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I’m sure this is how Adam and Eve originally behaved before the Fall. We need the Holy Spirit to make us like Jesus, filled with sacrificial, agape love for one another. When we love or respect one another, it fuels the spouse to reciprocate. Tragically, when one is not loved or respected, it can short-circuit the relationship. In other words, when a wife shows respect to her husband, he is more likely to respond with love and vice versa. The challenge when you’re stuck is who goes first?
Honor Marriages
Celebrate Singles
Jesus was single. Paul said it’s better to not marry.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ in love.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
You can watch this video and others at the First Alliance Church Video Library here.
Ephesians: Finding Our True Identity
Ephesians 5:21-33
Series Big Idea: The book of Ephesians reveals our true identity…in Christ!
Big Idea: We are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Although my primary identity is found in Christ, I’m a citizen of the United States. I love this country. There’s a spirit of creativity, innovation, and risk-taking that has made us a world leader in business, education, science, military, and entertainment. But every strength has a weakness, and one of the negatives about our pioneering spirit is we are almost certainly the most individualistic nation in the history of the world. Rugged individualism has value, but also a huge downside. You may recall God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone” in Genesis. Is it any wonder so many today are lonely? Cancel culture has run amok, divorce has split many families, and in our “pursuit of happiness,” we are tempted to ignore those around us.
As we continue in our series on the book of Ephesians—a letter written by Paul to a church in modern-day Turkey—we will see what is possibly the most offensive word in our individualized culture.
Before we dive in to our text, I want to remind you of the ending of Pastor Mike’s text from two weeks ago.
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. 16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:15-20, NLT)
This is all possible when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, controlled by the Holy Spirit, surrendered to the Holy Spirit. Now we begin.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, NLT)
There it is! Did you see it? Submit! How does that make you feel?
The original Greek word, hupotasso (hoop-ot-as’-so) means, “to subordinate; to obey; subdue unto, submit self unto.” In other words, it means what you think it means!
Submission is not popular in our culture. It was hardly popular 2000 years ago in the midst of the Roman Empire when Paul was writing. Although racism and discrimination are very real today, we live in a nation that, at least in writing, believes “all men are created equal.” There was not such philosophy in Rome. Abuse was rampant. Women were slaves. In fact, going much farther back to the opening chapter of the Bible we read,
Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. (Genesis 1:26a, NLT)
Notice the Trinity, the plural, us…one God in three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God created the first man, Adam (which means “man” in Hebrew) and woman and all was well until the Fall when Adam and Eve sinned. Hierarchy emerged after the Fall when God said to Eve,
And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16b, NLT)
Do you see the tension? Ever since, men have been trying to domineer over women (and men). Women have been striving to even the score. Humans have been trying to get others to obey, to submit. We love power and control, don’t we? Sin is so common, we often don’t even recognize it when we commit it.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21, NLT)
But notice Paul didn’t just say, “Submit!” In fact, he didn’t even say, “Submit to God.” He says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
We’re going to see how this related to marriage in a moment, but note this verse is not addressed to couples. It’s for all of us. We don’t blindly submit to one another, but in our quest to glorify God and revere Christ, we love one another and submit to one another. The Greek word for reverence, phobos, is where we get the word “phobia.” It means to be put in fear, alarm or fright, to be afraid. This doesn’t mean to avoid, but to recognize the power of, to be in awe of, to revere. We are to be in awe of Jesus, to make him LORD and Master of our lives. To fear someone or something often involves terror, causing us to run away. Fear of the LORD means awe and wonder, drawing us closer to God like the awe and wonder of the Grand Canyon. To put it simply, what you fear is your God.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, NLT)
Did I see some women wince? Remember, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Yield to each other out of love. It’s not about hierarchy or power but bringing God glory in and through our relationships. One commentator says, “All it asks is that wives give up self-centeredness, take seriously their mutuality with their husbands, and promote the benefit of their husbands.”
In Paul’s day, women were considered not only inferior to men, but also impure.
For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:23-24, NLT)
Tragically, this passage has been abused by men seeking power. Ladies, this does not mean be a doormat, tolerate abuse of any kind, or engage in sinful behavior (which would not be out of reverence to Christ).
Listen to N.T. Wright on this text:
Paul assumes, as do most cultures, that there are significant differences between men and women, differences that go far beyond mere biological and reproductive function. Their relations and roles must therefore be mutually complementary, rather than identical. Equality in voting rights, and in employment opportunities and remuneration (which is still not a reality in many places), should not be taken to imply such identity. And, within marriage, the guideline is clear. The husband is to take the lead - though he is to do so fully mindful of the self-sacrificial model which the Messiah has provided. As soon as 'taking the lead' becomes bullying or arrogant, the whole thing collapses.
I fully realize Paul is not politically correct, but is our culture offering a better model for men and women? It seems that our world is plagued by broken homes, broken marriages, broken relationships…could it be that we have abandoned God’s design for family? This is not an attack on those of you who are not in healthy marriages—far from it—but I wonder if we would embrace our differences, celebrate them, and submit to one another if we wouldn’t be vastly better off.
As the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Tragically, this passage has been abused by men seeking power which I believe is what started the rejection of God’s design for marriage. I’ve heard so many stories of women rejecting and even hating men after suffering evil abuse. Ladies, if you find it hard to imagine submitting to a man, consider the next verse.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her (Ephesians 5:25, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Husbands, Jesus died for the church. Are you willing to die for your wife? That’s the point. Such dedication would never make selfish demands. It would never harm or abuse. Godly husbands love sacrificially, making submission a joy.
Husbands, Jesus is to be your role model. Not Hugh Hefner or Lebron James, Neil Armstrong, Nelson Mandela, or Bear Grylls. Jesus was not married, but the church is his bride, the king’s wife. He gave us his life for her and we are to give up our lives for our wives (hey, that rhymes!).
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…unto death!
A few years ago I was speaking with one of our senior saints and asked him, “How many times have you ever played the submit card?” In other words, how many times did you take charge, telling your wife to obey? He paused and said, “Zero!”
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Paul elaborates:
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28
(Ephesians 5:25-27, NLT)
This is a beautiful vision of what Jesus has done for us, the church. Hallelujah!
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:28-30, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
One of my favorite passages to read at wedding says,
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3, NLT)
This isn’t rocket science. Jesus summarized the entire Bible in two commands: love God and love your neighbor (or spouse) as yourself. You take care of your body. You eat. You bathe. You see a doctor when you’re in pain. Imagine what would happen if spouses cared for one another like they care for themselves. Of course, this need not be restricted to marriages. This verse applies to all of us, a brilliant vision of life together. Warren Wiersbe notes,
When the Christian wife submits herself to Christ and lets Him be the Lord of her life, she will have no difficulty submitting to her husband. This does not mean that she becomes a slave, for the husband is also to submit to Christ. And if both are living under the lordship of Christ, there can be only harmony. Headship is not dictatorship. “Each for the other, both for the Lord.” The Christian husband and wife should pray together and spend time in the Word, so that they might know God’s will for their individual lives and for their home. Most of the marital conflicts I have dealt with as a pastor have stemmed from failure of the husband and/or wife to submit to Christ, spend time in His Word, and seek to do His will each day.
To conclude, Paul goes all the way back to Genesis 2:24:
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (Ephesians 5:31-32, NLT)
There’s two things going on simultaneously here. Do you see it? A husband and wife are united into one. This is true of Jesus and his bride, the Church.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Family, I’ve seen two extremes. I’ve seen men rule over their wives which is clearly not submission. I’ve also seen men afraid to exercise servant leadership, so passive that they become doormats.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
God’s design for marriage is a man and woman complement one another…different yet equal. We don’t need to embrace societal stereotypes that say the man does the outdoor work and the woman does the inside work…unless that’s what is agreed upon mutually. I’ve heard some preachers say the women must stay home with the kids while the man brings home a paycheck…but I’ve seen healthy examples where the roles are reversed…if that’s what is agreed upon mutually. Obviously our economy makes it challenging—but not impossible—to live on one income. But you need to find what works for your marriage.
As a simple example, we decided early in our marriage that whoever cooks, the other cleans. For 33 years I do dishes about 360 days a year! Some men love to cook, which is great. Do what works for you. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It’s worth noting the man is to love his wife and the woman is to respect her husband. For further reading on this, see loveandrespect.com (not necessarily an endorsement!). I believe the overarching point is men and women are different…by design.
A husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I’m sure this is how Adam and Eve originally behaved before the Fall. We need the Holy Spirit to make us like Jesus, filled with sacrificial, agape love for one another. When we love or respect one another, it fuels the spouse to reciprocate. Tragically, when one is not loved or respected, it can short-circuit the relationship. In other words, when a wife shows respect to her husband, he is more likely to respond with love and vice versa. The challenge when you’re stuck is who goes first?
Honor Marriages
Celebrate Singles
Jesus was single. Paul said it’s better to not marry.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ in love.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
You can watch this video and others at the First Alliance Church Video Library here.
The Relational Divide, 25 October 2020
25 10 20 Filed in: Sermons | The Great Divide
The Relational Divide (We Need One Another)
Series—The Great Divide
Series Big Idea: Our world is filled with division, yet Jesus prayed that we would be one.
Big Idea: The Kingdom of God is diverse, multi-generational, and beautiful
Today we conclude our series “The Great Divide.” We began with the political divide and said our focus must be on the Lion and the Lamb, not the elephant or donkey. We are a politically diverse family and we need to offer respect, grace, and love to one another. Period.
Last Sunday we talked about the racial divide. We noted how there is only one race, the human race, and although we are all created with equal value, we are not all treated with equal value.
[I hope you took some time this past week to educate yourself through the Phil Vischer videos]
Today we’re going to talk about the relational divide…those other things which come between us as spiritual siblings…and how we can overcome them by building bridges.
The mission of First Alliance Church is to be a Jesus-centered family restoring God’s masterpieces in Toledo and beyond for His glory.
It’s important to note the church doesn’t actually have a mission, but rather God’s mission has a Church! We are here for God’s glory. That’s the bottom line. We’re not a social club for the benefit of its members. We are not to be consumers of religious goods and services. We are a family on mission. We are here to glorify God. What does it look like to bring glory to God? Jesus said to the Father,
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:20-23)
I often reference this essential scripture, but why does Jesus pray this? Is it to give us more work to do? Is it about making peace in the family? The bottom line is God’s glory, that the world will know Jesus and God’s love.
I know I’ve said this many times before, but if we did our job, I believe the world would be in much better shape. The world is going to sin, create division, hate, judge, lie, condemn, …but while we are in the world, we are not to be of the world. We are to be Kingdom people, citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20).
Eleven times we’re commanded to “love one another.” That’s more than a suggestion!
Unity does not mean uniformity. We are all different…by design. Like musicians in a trio or quartet, we must learn to play our notes in harmony with one another, complementing one another, adding to the beauty, not causing conflict or division.
What is the root of all division? I believe it is pride, arguably the root of all sin. Think for a moment about any tension, any conflict, any disagreement. Imagine if one of the persons put this into practice:
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
or…
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Imagine if both people put that into practice! I said last week…
We are all created with equal value, but we are not all treated with equal value.
Even inside the Church, inside the family, it’s tempting to show favoritism, to look down on some people, to judge or condemn or simply avoid a brother or sister. But we can’t let the enemy win! We are spiritual siblings. We must love well, not only for our sake, not only for the sake of others in the family, but for the sake of the gospel, the good news, Jesus! Loving well brings God glory. In His eyes…
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)
Besides politics and race, what divides us? What keeps us from experiencing full, agape love with one another? What threatens unity? First, I think it’s our focus.
C.S. Lewis said, “Seek Unity and you will find neither Unity nor Truth. Seek the light of truth, and you will find Unity and Truth.” Indeed, we must focus on Jesus. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We must be filled with the Holy Spirit, guided by the holy scriptures, and seeking the glory of God.
We need to focus on Jesus, not ourselves. Not our favorite candidate or author. Jesus. The enemy wants us divided. A house divided cannot stand.
So besides losing our focus on Jesus, what problems create divisions in the family? We’re going to briefly look at nine…and some practical solutions.
Problem: gossip
Solution: Matthew 18
It is amazing how gossip can spread…even innocently…even in a prayer meeting…even out of genuine concern. I love Dave Ramsey’s take on gossip. It’s poison. He has a no-gossip policy at his company, and I have one for our church family. Ramsey defines gossip as discussing anything negative with someone who can’t help solve the problem. The solution is simple. It’s found in Matthew 18.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)
The next one is closely related.
Problem: lies
Solution: truth
Someone recently asked me a question about some gossip they heard. It was a total lie! Had the original person simply come to me or someone who could answer the question rather than guess and accuse, countless people would’ve be spared of misinformation which was negative and alarming. Get the facts. That goes for social media, too. Don’t believe everything you read online…especially if it’s from the Babylon Bee (which is a satire site!). It seems so obvious to tell the truth, but intentionally or accidentally, so much division is caused by data that is simply not true.
Problem: judging
Solution: help me understand
I think we’re all guilty of judging others, despite the clear commands of scripture. Even non-Christians like Jesus’ words in Matthew 7…
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1-2)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,
Judgement is the forbidden objectivization of the other person which destroys single-minded love. I am not forbidden to have my own thoughts about the other person, to realize his shortcomings, but only to the extent that it offers to me an occasion for forgiveness and unconditional love, as Jesus proves to me.
What do we do when we smell something fishy, pastor? Here are three words: help me understand. We are so quick to make assumptions without knowing the full story.
Problem: worship preferences
Solution: submit to one another
This one gets personal. Let’s face it, we all like certain songs, certain styles of music, certain fashion, certain types of sermons, certain expressions of worship, certain volume levels, certain lengths of sermons, …
There’s no perfect church. There’s no perfect pastor…or sermon or worship leader or…
The larger the family, the more we must love well, compromise, and even submit to one another.
We don’t like that word “submit.” It goes against our rugged individualism. Frank Sinatra sang, “I Did It My Way!” But the Bible said something entirely different.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
When is the last time you took a deep breath and shift the focus from your preferences to…Jesus? I remember the “worship wars” of the 90’s…and probably every generation. Hymns, no choruses. Modern, no ancient. Slow, no fast. Worship’s not for you!!! Again, where is your focus? We’re here for Jesus! It shouldn’t matter if we repeat the song fifty times…it’s not for us! OK, actually, I do sometimes tire of endless repetition of song lyrics, but then again, we’re told of each of the four living creatures in Revelation,
Day and night they never stop saying:
“ ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.” (Revelation 4:8b)
Problem: cultural differences
Solution: celebrate diversity
This often gets lumped into the race conversation. Is the issue skin color or economic class or cultural differences. Regardless, we can celebrate our diversity. I admit, I’m weird! I’m a variety junkie. My favorite restaurant is the one I’ve never been to before. I’d rather travel to a new place than a frequented one. I love people, and I’m especially drawn to the—uh—unique ones. Birds of a feather…!!!
I’m glad we’re different! It can create conflicts, but it can also create growth, understanding, and friendships. How boring would it be if everyone was just like me?! God created each of us unique and special. Let’s celebrate His masterpieces!
Problem: bitterness
Solution: forgiveness
This one’s a biggie. We obviously can’t unpack this fully today, but so much of the relational divide in our society involves bitterness. Sometimes the offense—or the alleged offense—occurred decades ago, yet the wedge of bitterness remains, penalizing both parties with a missing relationship.
The solution is forgiveness. Nobody deserves to be forgiven. It’s a choice. When the choice is made, beautiful things begin…for both people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean trust. It doesn’t mean forget. It means let go of the grudge. It means move on. Often this is a miracle only possible by the Holy Spirit, but we serve the God of the impossible!
Problem: theological differences
Solution: grace and essentials
There’s a great line that says, In necessariis unitas, in dubiis libertas, in omnibus caritas. If, like me, you don’t know Latin, it means, “in necessary things unity; in uncertain things liberty; in all things charity.” It’s often attributed to Augustine, but it was likely first used in 1617 by Archbishop Marco Antonio de Dominis. There are open-handed and closed-handed issues when we talk about God. Although we often debate which are open and which are closed, there are some things like the virgin birth, the death and resurrection of Jesus, and the reliability of the Bible which we would say are essential, non-negotiables, while some matters such as the age of the earth, whether or not there will be pets in heaven, and appropriate alcohol use we might call important but not essential. The point being “in all things charity.” We need to exercise grace with one another and focus on the essentials.
One thing I love about the Christian & Missionary Alliance is its theological diversity. We have a lot of opinions about a lot of things and we are free to respectfully discuss them while maintaining a statement of faith which is biblical and simple.
Problem: busyness
Solution: sabbath
In many relationships, the greatest divide is time. We’re so busy, we simply fail to take the time to get to know one another. We need rest, we need sabbath, we need to slow down, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and be together. Love is often spelled t-i-m-e.
Problem: generation gaps
Solution: mentoring (both benefit)
Finally, generation gaps often create division between people, even Christians. Some of this may be cultural differences or worship preferences, but just like it’s easy to stereotype based upon ethnicity, it’s also common to think or say, “Oh you Millennials” or “You old people” or “You amazing GenXers!” This has even resulted in single-generation churches of twentysomethings or retirees rather than a multi-generational congregation in which mentoring is active, the older teaching the younger. This was commonplace in the early church. Paul told Titus to teach the older women so they can mentor the younger women (Titus 2:3-5). Spiritual parenting or even grandparenting can be mutually beneficial and enhance the life of any congregation, bridging generation gaps with love, dignity, respect, and understanding.
So What?
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:2-6)
Benediction:
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15:5-6)
For Further Reading
The Fellowship of Differents by Scot McKnight
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
You can watch this video and others at the First Alliance Church Video Library here.
Series—The Great Divide
Series Big Idea: Our world is filled with division, yet Jesus prayed that we would be one.
Big Idea: The Kingdom of God is diverse, multi-generational, and beautiful
Today we conclude our series “The Great Divide.” We began with the political divide and said our focus must be on the Lion and the Lamb, not the elephant or donkey. We are a politically diverse family and we need to offer respect, grace, and love to one another. Period.
Last Sunday we talked about the racial divide. We noted how there is only one race, the human race, and although we are all created with equal value, we are not all treated with equal value.
[I hope you took some time this past week to educate yourself through the Phil Vischer videos]
Today we’re going to talk about the relational divide…those other things which come between us as spiritual siblings…and how we can overcome them by building bridges.
The mission of First Alliance Church is to be a Jesus-centered family restoring God’s masterpieces in Toledo and beyond for His glory.
It’s important to note the church doesn’t actually have a mission, but rather God’s mission has a Church! We are here for God’s glory. That’s the bottom line. We’re not a social club for the benefit of its members. We are not to be consumers of religious goods and services. We are a family on mission. We are here to glorify God. What does it look like to bring glory to God? Jesus said to the Father,
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:20-23)
I often reference this essential scripture, but why does Jesus pray this? Is it to give us more work to do? Is it about making peace in the family? The bottom line is God’s glory, that the world will know Jesus and God’s love.
I know I’ve said this many times before, but if we did our job, I believe the world would be in much better shape. The world is going to sin, create division, hate, judge, lie, condemn, …but while we are in the world, we are not to be of the world. We are to be Kingdom people, citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20).
Eleven times we’re commanded to “love one another.” That’s more than a suggestion!
Unity does not mean uniformity. We are all different…by design. Like musicians in a trio or quartet, we must learn to play our notes in harmony with one another, complementing one another, adding to the beauty, not causing conflict or division.
What is the root of all division? I believe it is pride, arguably the root of all sin. Think for a moment about any tension, any conflict, any disagreement. Imagine if one of the persons put this into practice:
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
or…
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Imagine if both people put that into practice! I said last week…
We are all created with equal value, but we are not all treated with equal value.
Even inside the Church, inside the family, it’s tempting to show favoritism, to look down on some people, to judge or condemn or simply avoid a brother or sister. But we can’t let the enemy win! We are spiritual siblings. We must love well, not only for our sake, not only for the sake of others in the family, but for the sake of the gospel, the good news, Jesus! Loving well brings God glory. In His eyes…
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)
Besides politics and race, what divides us? What keeps us from experiencing full, agape love with one another? What threatens unity? First, I think it’s our focus.
C.S. Lewis said, “Seek Unity and you will find neither Unity nor Truth. Seek the light of truth, and you will find Unity and Truth.” Indeed, we must focus on Jesus. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We must be filled with the Holy Spirit, guided by the holy scriptures, and seeking the glory of God.
We need to focus on Jesus, not ourselves. Not our favorite candidate or author. Jesus. The enemy wants us divided. A house divided cannot stand.
So besides losing our focus on Jesus, what problems create divisions in the family? We’re going to briefly look at nine…and some practical solutions.
Problem: gossip
Solution: Matthew 18
It is amazing how gossip can spread…even innocently…even in a prayer meeting…even out of genuine concern. I love Dave Ramsey’s take on gossip. It’s poison. He has a no-gossip policy at his company, and I have one for our church family. Ramsey defines gossip as discussing anything negative with someone who can’t help solve the problem. The solution is simple. It’s found in Matthew 18.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)
The next one is closely related.
Problem: lies
Solution: truth
Someone recently asked me a question about some gossip they heard. It was a total lie! Had the original person simply come to me or someone who could answer the question rather than guess and accuse, countless people would’ve be spared of misinformation which was negative and alarming. Get the facts. That goes for social media, too. Don’t believe everything you read online…especially if it’s from the Babylon Bee (which is a satire site!). It seems so obvious to tell the truth, but intentionally or accidentally, so much division is caused by data that is simply not true.
Problem: judging
Solution: help me understand
I think we’re all guilty of judging others, despite the clear commands of scripture. Even non-Christians like Jesus’ words in Matthew 7…
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1-2)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,
Judgement is the forbidden objectivization of the other person which destroys single-minded love. I am not forbidden to have my own thoughts about the other person, to realize his shortcomings, but only to the extent that it offers to me an occasion for forgiveness and unconditional love, as Jesus proves to me.
What do we do when we smell something fishy, pastor? Here are three words: help me understand. We are so quick to make assumptions without knowing the full story.
Problem: worship preferences
Solution: submit to one another
This one gets personal. Let’s face it, we all like certain songs, certain styles of music, certain fashion, certain types of sermons, certain expressions of worship, certain volume levels, certain lengths of sermons, …
There’s no perfect church. There’s no perfect pastor…or sermon or worship leader or…
The larger the family, the more we must love well, compromise, and even submit to one another.
We don’t like that word “submit.” It goes against our rugged individualism. Frank Sinatra sang, “I Did It My Way!” But the Bible said something entirely different.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
When is the last time you took a deep breath and shift the focus from your preferences to…Jesus? I remember the “worship wars” of the 90’s…and probably every generation. Hymns, no choruses. Modern, no ancient. Slow, no fast. Worship’s not for you!!! Again, where is your focus? We’re here for Jesus! It shouldn’t matter if we repeat the song fifty times…it’s not for us! OK, actually, I do sometimes tire of endless repetition of song lyrics, but then again, we’re told of each of the four living creatures in Revelation,
Day and night they never stop saying:
“ ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.” (Revelation 4:8b)
Problem: cultural differences
Solution: celebrate diversity
This often gets lumped into the race conversation. Is the issue skin color or economic class or cultural differences. Regardless, we can celebrate our diversity. I admit, I’m weird! I’m a variety junkie. My favorite restaurant is the one I’ve never been to before. I’d rather travel to a new place than a frequented one. I love people, and I’m especially drawn to the—uh—unique ones. Birds of a feather…!!!
I’m glad we’re different! It can create conflicts, but it can also create growth, understanding, and friendships. How boring would it be if everyone was just like me?! God created each of us unique and special. Let’s celebrate His masterpieces!
Problem: bitterness
Solution: forgiveness
This one’s a biggie. We obviously can’t unpack this fully today, but so much of the relational divide in our society involves bitterness. Sometimes the offense—or the alleged offense—occurred decades ago, yet the wedge of bitterness remains, penalizing both parties with a missing relationship.
The solution is forgiveness. Nobody deserves to be forgiven. It’s a choice. When the choice is made, beautiful things begin…for both people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean trust. It doesn’t mean forget. It means let go of the grudge. It means move on. Often this is a miracle only possible by the Holy Spirit, but we serve the God of the impossible!
Problem: theological differences
Solution: grace and essentials
There’s a great line that says, In necessariis unitas, in dubiis libertas, in omnibus caritas. If, like me, you don’t know Latin, it means, “in necessary things unity; in uncertain things liberty; in all things charity.” It’s often attributed to Augustine, but it was likely first used in 1617 by Archbishop Marco Antonio de Dominis. There are open-handed and closed-handed issues when we talk about God. Although we often debate which are open and which are closed, there are some things like the virgin birth, the death and resurrection of Jesus, and the reliability of the Bible which we would say are essential, non-negotiables, while some matters such as the age of the earth, whether or not there will be pets in heaven, and appropriate alcohol use we might call important but not essential. The point being “in all things charity.” We need to exercise grace with one another and focus on the essentials.
One thing I love about the Christian & Missionary Alliance is its theological diversity. We have a lot of opinions about a lot of things and we are free to respectfully discuss them while maintaining a statement of faith which is biblical and simple.
Problem: busyness
Solution: sabbath
In many relationships, the greatest divide is time. We’re so busy, we simply fail to take the time to get to know one another. We need rest, we need sabbath, we need to slow down, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and be together. Love is often spelled t-i-m-e.
Problem: generation gaps
Solution: mentoring (both benefit)
Finally, generation gaps often create division between people, even Christians. Some of this may be cultural differences or worship preferences, but just like it’s easy to stereotype based upon ethnicity, it’s also common to think or say, “Oh you Millennials” or “You old people” or “You amazing GenXers!” This has even resulted in single-generation churches of twentysomethings or retirees rather than a multi-generational congregation in which mentoring is active, the older teaching the younger. This was commonplace in the early church. Paul told Titus to teach the older women so they can mentor the younger women (Titus 2:3-5). Spiritual parenting or even grandparenting can be mutually beneficial and enhance the life of any congregation, bridging generation gaps with love, dignity, respect, and understanding.
So What?
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:2-6)
Benediction:
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 15:5-6)
For Further Reading
The Fellowship of Differents by Scot McKnight
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
You can watch this video and others at the First Alliance Church Video Library here.
Broken Relationships, 4 November 2018
05 11 18 Filed in: Sermons | When Life Gets Hard
Why Can’t We Just Get Along? (Broken Relationships)
D6 Series—When Life Gets Hard
Matthew 18:15-20
Series Overview: In this world we will have trouble, but we are never alone.
Big Idea: There is always hope for reconciliation when we obey God’s Word.
Life is all about relationships. Nothing can bring more joy than a deep friendship, an encouraging conversation, a loving embrace, a kind word, or a thoughtful note. Relationships are the heart of life itself. We were created for a relationship with our Creator God. We were created for relationships with one another. God’s design was for a man and woman to have an intimate relationship…knowing and being known by one another. Children are often the result of such a relationship, creating a multi-generational family, the core of any society. Extended family relationships can bring tremendous fulfillment in life, extending love, security, wisdom, and trust.
The church was also God’s design, a family rooted not in biological blood but rather the blood of Jesus Christ, reconciling us to our Heavenly Father and making us spiritual siblings with one another. Relationships are the most wonderful thing in life…except when they’re not!
Today we’re beginning a series entitled When Life Gets Hard. While it’s true that God is good—all the time—life is not always easy. We were never promised happiness, comfort, and wealth…yet we seem so surprised when life gets hard. Jesus said,
In this world you will have trouble… (John 16:33b)
How many of you have experienced trouble in this world? All of us! It’s guaranteed. We’re all in the midst of trouble, coming out of a trial, or about to experience suffering. Why? I don’t always understand. A few weeks ago we noted how suffering produces perseverance which produces character which leads to hope, but that’s little consolation in the midst of the storm when we’re shouting, “Help!”
One thing I know for certain: we are never alone in our trials. John 16:33 continues…
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33b)
Because relationships are so central to our existence, a broken relationship can often be far more excruciating than a broken bank account or even a broken bone. What do we do when they can’t just get along?
I’m so glad you asked!
They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We’re going to get to broken relationships, but first let’s look at what God says about relationships. How are we to live as brothers and sisters? The Bible is loaded with timeless wisdom which—if followed—would transform our lives, avoid misunderstandings, quench gossip, increase harmony, and accelerate peace.
Let’s begin with Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)
Family, if we would follow this one, simple command, our church would be so much different. I admit, this is radical. Our culture says if someone treats you poorly, tell their boss, call the cops, slander them on Facebook, or tell your closest fifty friends about the indiscretion.
If I had a nickel for every time someone has brought a complaint to me about a person before they went to the accused, I’d be a rich man.
Is Jesus clear? If I offend you, first go to…me.
If someone in your small group does something in appropriate, go to…them.
If a staff member does something you don’t like, go to…them.
If a deacon or elder or anyone else is engage in sin, go to…them.
To do otherwise is…sin! It’s gossip.
Many of you are familiar with Dave Ramsey. He’s a best-selling author and media personality. He may be best known for his financial counsel, but he also runs an organization in Tennessee which is consistently rated one of the top places to work in Nashville. One feature of his business is a no-gossip policy. Listen to this excerpt from his website:
Gossip is defined as discussing anything negative with someone who can’t help solve the problem. If you’re having computer problems, and IT is slow about helping you, you don’t complain about it to the sales rep in the break room. You talk to your leader because he or she can and will do something about it.
If a team member is discovered gossiping, they receive one warning. After that they’re fired, and, yes, Dave has fired people for gossiping and will do it again to keep it out of his company.
I can’t fire volunteers at First Alliance Church for gossiping, but I wish I could! It’s sin. And it happens. Here. It’s unacceptable! It’s poison. It’s toxic. It destroys unity. It is a form of hate. Am I clear?
When I arrived at three years ago, I was told since seemingly everyone in our church is related, there’s not much gossip here. That may be true, but any gossip is too much. Proverbs says,
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts. (Proverbs 26:20-22)
I know it’s hard. I know it’s more fun to talk behind their back. I know speaking ill of someone makes us feel superior. I know everyone in the world does it. One recent study revealed about 80% of our conversations are about other people and their habits! But gossip is unacceptable. If you hear even a whisper of negativity toward someone not in the conversation, please simply stop and ask these six words:
Why are you telling me this?
Have you ever played the telephone game? You tell a message to someone who tells someone else who tells someone else and after a while the original message is nowhere to be found. This is why I like prayer requests and messages in writing, by the way. You might think your intent is good in critiquing the behavior of a brother or sister, but if it goes around them, it won’t take long for lies to be spread. Let me say it one more time:
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)
In a small number of instances, speaking the truth in love to a brother or sister does not produce the desired results. Jesus continues,
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ (Matthew 18:16)
One-on-one is not always successful, especially when there is a power imbalance. God makes provision for mediators. The Alliance even has an extensive course called Peacemaking. Kendra Sankovich recently completed both sections and is a trained facilitator for such conversations. Your spouse, small group leader, or mutual friend might be useful. In some instances, a professional counselor can help. This usually works, but if not, then and only then step three and four can be executed.
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:17)
In this case, “the church” may be the elders. These are rare and serious situations. The Bible gives instruction for church discipline and it is sometimes needed, not to kick someone out, but rather to create pathways for repentance and reconciliation.
Here’s the bottom line: if you have an issue with someone, go to them first. Gossip is a deadly cancer that has destroyed countless relationships.
Jesus adds a few words to this message about loving one another.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 18:18)
That’s cool! When we are united with God and one another, we’re all working together, seeking the same thing, on the same mission, and God’s will is accomplished.
“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:19-20)
The context is not where two or three gather to fight or gossip, but to pursue unity, truth, and understanding. Christ acts with the Church in matters of discipline. That’s a vision of how we are to do life together as family with one another, our heavenly Father, and our big brother Jesus.
Here are some related scriptures on relating with one another:
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:14-15)
We talked about grace—unmerited favor—last month. We are to be people of grace. We are to be recipients of God’s grace and conduits of it to others. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others. Don’t avoid conflict, but before attacking, begin with a clarifying question or one of my favorite phrases, “Help me understand.”
We have a real enemy, family, and he wants us divided, critical, negative, gossiping, backstabbing, arguing, and complaining. When we hit pause and lovingly get to the heart of the matter, he loses…and I love it when he loses!!! Peter said,
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)
Humble people make the best friends, the best leaders, the best neighbors. In fact, we’re told,
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (Philippians 2:3)
A few verses later Paul writes,
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky (Philippians 2:14-15)
Here’s a good summary of life together:
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:16-18)
Sometimes we can go through all of the steps in Matthew 18 and still not find resolution. Unfortunately we cannot control the behaviors of others. It’s hard enough controlling our own!
I know many of you are living with the pain and anguish of broken relationships. I am, too. Out of respect for those involved, I’m not at liberty to provide you with details, but there are two family members I love deeply who have become estranged from other members of my family and, somewhat, to me. These are good, Christian people who love God, but have unresolved conflict. I don’t understand. I have engaged in “help me understand” conversations, but brokenness remains.
The Bible does not simply say to live at peace with everyone, but rather if it is possible, as far as it depends on you. Sometimes we need to simply step back and fall to our knees. Prayer works. It usually takes time. I’m praying for healing in my family. I’m praying for healing in many of your families, too.
Reconciliation
I want to remind of some other words of Jesus.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
We aren’t identified as Christians by our theology.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our politics.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our denomination or doctrine.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our diet or appearance or media habits.
We are identified as disciples of Jesus if we love one another.
Family, we will hurt and offend one another, whether intentionally or accidentally. The Bible is filled with conflict. For example, Paul and Barnabus had serious issues with one another (Acts 15:37-38) but they mended their relationship (2 Timothy 4:11). We must be willing to quickly forgive, seeking restoration and reconciliation.
A popular passage of the Bible says,
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
Keep short accounts. Forgive quick. No regrets. Tomorrow may be too late.
About 2000 years ago Jesus gathered his best friends together for the Passover celebration. It would become so much more as he presented himself as the sacrifice, the lamb who would be slaughtered to take away the sins of the world. You can call it the Lord’s Supper or the Eucharist or Communion. It’s a time to remember Jesus, his love, his death on the cross for our sins, and his resurrection. He died to heal the brokenness in our relationship with God caused by our sin. It’s also to be done together; communion is to be done in community. Paul said,
For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. (1 Corinthians 11:26)
So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. (1 Corinthians 11:27-30)
Perhaps Paul was thinking of these words from Jesus:
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. (Matthew 5:21-22)
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)
Communion
Quoting from a 1982 document from the World Council of Churches,
The Eucharist celebration demands reconciliation and sharing among all those regarded as brothers and sisters in the one family of God and is a constant challenge in the search for appropriate relationships in social, economic and political life. All kinds of injustice, racism, separation and lack of freedom are radically challenged when we share in the body and blood of Christ…
Communion is about broken relationships restored.
Communion is about our sins washed white as snow.
Communion is about one imperfect family unified in grace, forgiveness, and love.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
D6 Series—When Life Gets Hard
Matthew 18:15-20
Series Overview: In this world we will have trouble, but we are never alone.
Big Idea: There is always hope for reconciliation when we obey God’s Word.
Life is all about relationships. Nothing can bring more joy than a deep friendship, an encouraging conversation, a loving embrace, a kind word, or a thoughtful note. Relationships are the heart of life itself. We were created for a relationship with our Creator God. We were created for relationships with one another. God’s design was for a man and woman to have an intimate relationship…knowing and being known by one another. Children are often the result of such a relationship, creating a multi-generational family, the core of any society. Extended family relationships can bring tremendous fulfillment in life, extending love, security, wisdom, and trust.
The church was also God’s design, a family rooted not in biological blood but rather the blood of Jesus Christ, reconciling us to our Heavenly Father and making us spiritual siblings with one another. Relationships are the most wonderful thing in life…except when they’re not!
Today we’re beginning a series entitled When Life Gets Hard. While it’s true that God is good—all the time—life is not always easy. We were never promised happiness, comfort, and wealth…yet we seem so surprised when life gets hard. Jesus said,
In this world you will have trouble… (John 16:33b)
How many of you have experienced trouble in this world? All of us! It’s guaranteed. We’re all in the midst of trouble, coming out of a trial, or about to experience suffering. Why? I don’t always understand. A few weeks ago we noted how suffering produces perseverance which produces character which leads to hope, but that’s little consolation in the midst of the storm when we’re shouting, “Help!”
One thing I know for certain: we are never alone in our trials. John 16:33 continues…
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33b)
Because relationships are so central to our existence, a broken relationship can often be far more excruciating than a broken bank account or even a broken bone. What do we do when they can’t just get along?
I’m so glad you asked!
They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We’re going to get to broken relationships, but first let’s look at what God says about relationships. How are we to live as brothers and sisters? The Bible is loaded with timeless wisdom which—if followed—would transform our lives, avoid misunderstandings, quench gossip, increase harmony, and accelerate peace.
Let’s begin with Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)
Family, if we would follow this one, simple command, our church would be so much different. I admit, this is radical. Our culture says if someone treats you poorly, tell their boss, call the cops, slander them on Facebook, or tell your closest fifty friends about the indiscretion.
If I had a nickel for every time someone has brought a complaint to me about a person before they went to the accused, I’d be a rich man.
Is Jesus clear? If I offend you, first go to…me.
If someone in your small group does something in appropriate, go to…them.
If a staff member does something you don’t like, go to…them.
If a deacon or elder or anyone else is engage in sin, go to…them.
To do otherwise is…sin! It’s gossip.
Many of you are familiar with Dave Ramsey. He’s a best-selling author and media personality. He may be best known for his financial counsel, but he also runs an organization in Tennessee which is consistently rated one of the top places to work in Nashville. One feature of his business is a no-gossip policy. Listen to this excerpt from his website:
Gossip is defined as discussing anything negative with someone who can’t help solve the problem. If you’re having computer problems, and IT is slow about helping you, you don’t complain about it to the sales rep in the break room. You talk to your leader because he or she can and will do something about it.
If a team member is discovered gossiping, they receive one warning. After that they’re fired, and, yes, Dave has fired people for gossiping and will do it again to keep it out of his company.
I can’t fire volunteers at First Alliance Church for gossiping, but I wish I could! It’s sin. And it happens. Here. It’s unacceptable! It’s poison. It’s toxic. It destroys unity. It is a form of hate. Am I clear?
When I arrived at three years ago, I was told since seemingly everyone in our church is related, there’s not much gossip here. That may be true, but any gossip is too much. Proverbs says,
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts. (Proverbs 26:20-22)
I know it’s hard. I know it’s more fun to talk behind their back. I know speaking ill of someone makes us feel superior. I know everyone in the world does it. One recent study revealed about 80% of our conversations are about other people and their habits! But gossip is unacceptable. If you hear even a whisper of negativity toward someone not in the conversation, please simply stop and ask these six words:
Why are you telling me this?
Have you ever played the telephone game? You tell a message to someone who tells someone else who tells someone else and after a while the original message is nowhere to be found. This is why I like prayer requests and messages in writing, by the way. You might think your intent is good in critiquing the behavior of a brother or sister, but if it goes around them, it won’t take long for lies to be spread. Let me say it one more time:
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)
In a small number of instances, speaking the truth in love to a brother or sister does not produce the desired results. Jesus continues,
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ (Matthew 18:16)
One-on-one is not always successful, especially when there is a power imbalance. God makes provision for mediators. The Alliance even has an extensive course called Peacemaking. Kendra Sankovich recently completed both sections and is a trained facilitator for such conversations. Your spouse, small group leader, or mutual friend might be useful. In some instances, a professional counselor can help. This usually works, but if not, then and only then step three and four can be executed.
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:17)
In this case, “the church” may be the elders. These are rare and serious situations. The Bible gives instruction for church discipline and it is sometimes needed, not to kick someone out, but rather to create pathways for repentance and reconciliation.
Here’s the bottom line: if you have an issue with someone, go to them first. Gossip is a deadly cancer that has destroyed countless relationships.
Jesus adds a few words to this message about loving one another.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 18:18)
That’s cool! When we are united with God and one another, we’re all working together, seeking the same thing, on the same mission, and God’s will is accomplished.
“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:19-20)
The context is not where two or three gather to fight or gossip, but to pursue unity, truth, and understanding. Christ acts with the Church in matters of discipline. That’s a vision of how we are to do life together as family with one another, our heavenly Father, and our big brother Jesus.
Here are some related scriptures on relating with one another:
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:14-15)
We talked about grace—unmerited favor—last month. We are to be people of grace. We are to be recipients of God’s grace and conduits of it to others. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others. Don’t avoid conflict, but before attacking, begin with a clarifying question or one of my favorite phrases, “Help me understand.”
We have a real enemy, family, and he wants us divided, critical, negative, gossiping, backstabbing, arguing, and complaining. When we hit pause and lovingly get to the heart of the matter, he loses…and I love it when he loses!!! Peter said,
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)
Humble people make the best friends, the best leaders, the best neighbors. In fact, we’re told,
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (Philippians 2:3)
A few verses later Paul writes,
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky (Philippians 2:14-15)
Here’s a good summary of life together:
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:16-18)
Sometimes we can go through all of the steps in Matthew 18 and still not find resolution. Unfortunately we cannot control the behaviors of others. It’s hard enough controlling our own!
I know many of you are living with the pain and anguish of broken relationships. I am, too. Out of respect for those involved, I’m not at liberty to provide you with details, but there are two family members I love deeply who have become estranged from other members of my family and, somewhat, to me. These are good, Christian people who love God, but have unresolved conflict. I don’t understand. I have engaged in “help me understand” conversations, but brokenness remains.
The Bible does not simply say to live at peace with everyone, but rather if it is possible, as far as it depends on you. Sometimes we need to simply step back and fall to our knees. Prayer works. It usually takes time. I’m praying for healing in my family. I’m praying for healing in many of your families, too.
Reconciliation
I want to remind of some other words of Jesus.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
We aren’t identified as Christians by our theology.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our politics.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our denomination or doctrine.
We aren’t identified as Christians by our diet or appearance or media habits.
We are identified as disciples of Jesus if we love one another.
Family, we will hurt and offend one another, whether intentionally or accidentally. The Bible is filled with conflict. For example, Paul and Barnabus had serious issues with one another (Acts 15:37-38) but they mended their relationship (2 Timothy 4:11). We must be willing to quickly forgive, seeking restoration and reconciliation.
A popular passage of the Bible says,
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
Keep short accounts. Forgive quick. No regrets. Tomorrow may be too late.
About 2000 years ago Jesus gathered his best friends together for the Passover celebration. It would become so much more as he presented himself as the sacrifice, the lamb who would be slaughtered to take away the sins of the world. You can call it the Lord’s Supper or the Eucharist or Communion. It’s a time to remember Jesus, his love, his death on the cross for our sins, and his resurrection. He died to heal the brokenness in our relationship with God caused by our sin. It’s also to be done together; communion is to be done in community. Paul said,
For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. (1 Corinthians 11:26)
So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. (1 Corinthians 11:27-30)
Perhaps Paul was thinking of these words from Jesus:
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. (Matthew 5:21-22)
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)
Communion
Quoting from a 1982 document from the World Council of Churches,
The Eucharist celebration demands reconciliation and sharing among all those regarded as brothers and sisters in the one family of God and is a constant challenge in the search for appropriate relationships in social, economic and political life. All kinds of injustice, racism, separation and lack of freedom are radically challenged when we share in the body and blood of Christ…
Communion is about broken relationships restored.
Communion is about our sins washed white as snow.
Communion is about one imperfect family unified in grace, forgiveness, and love.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Gift of Reconciliation, 10 December 2017
The Gift of Reconciliation
Series—The Gifts of Christmas
1 John 4:7-12
Big Idea: Jesus came to reconcile us to the Father…and one another.
Skit Guys Video
Introduction
An old man who just wants to make things right with his kids. That’s sounds so reasonable, doesn’t it? He seems like a nice enough guy. What kind of person would reject love? He’s done everything he can think of so this time...this season...he goes...himself. He gives himself....a new beginning.
We’re in the middle of a series called The Gifts of Christmas. Two weeks ago we talked about the give of expectancy. Advent is about arrival, anticipation, and waiting. Last week we examined the gift of grace, unmerited favor. None of us deserve forgiveness, love, peace, forgiveness, or hope, yet that’s where God’s amazing grace becomes so vital to not only experience but also share. Today we’re talking about the gift of reconciliation, a word that reflects reunion, understanding, and resolution. In a world full of brokenness, reconciliation is desperately needed.
It has surprised me over the years how many good parents are estranged from their children. Don’t good parents produce good kids? How could someone walk away from the love of a father—or mother? Why would a “Christian” family have any division or unresolved conflict? Why are there so many prodigals amongst our First Alliance family? And then I look at the gap in my own family photo. Why? What happened? Can I fix it? If so, how?
Let me state from the beginning relationships require at least two people, and reconciliation requires at least two, also. The holidays are a time when people gather—with family, co-workers, and friends—for parties, meals, and for Christmas. I have nothing but good memories of childhood Christmases, not only tearing open brightly-wrapped presents and stuffing myself with cookies but seeing relatives I dearly loved.
It’s very different for me now. Obviously the wonder of gifts under the tree is different as an adult and I think twice before eating too many cookies, but while I love the family and friends in my life, I’m also reminded at this time of year about those with whom I am not connected. Many of my favorite people will be spending Jesus’ birthday with Him rather than me, which his bittersweet.
What’s more bitter and not at all sweet are those broken relationships. There will be one very empty chair at our table on the 25th for the second year in a row, and while our relationship with our daughter has taken some baby steps forward, it has a long way to go. How could someone reject the love of a father?
Tragically, it happens every day, and not just with human fathers. Our heavenly Father went to the most extreme of measures to show us His love. We can accept or reject it…it’s our choice. He made the first move. The ball’s in our court.
We’ve looked at our text for today—written by one of Jesus’ best friends, John—before, but it bears repeating. It begins
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7)
This sounds so familiar to anyone who has cracked open the Bible, but this is revolutionary among other religions. Love comes from God? Those who love are born of God? Those who love know God?
And what if we don’t love? What does that say about us? The command here—and elsewhere in the Bible—is to love…one another.
What is love? That’s the question! Hollywood will tell you one thing, Hallmark cards another. A man I knew searched the Bible to understand the true definition of love when he came upon this next verse.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8)
God is love. He’s the definition of love! Love is a person. Love is also a verb. It is action.
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. (1 John 4:9)
Love is more than words. The verse describes the purpose of Christmas itself. God showed His love by sending Jesus into the world, Emmanuel, God with us, that we might live, the we might experience abundant, satisfying, purpose-filled life.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
Jesus came to die for our sins on the cross, to be the perfect sacrifice, to reconnect us with our Creator in a relationship destroyed by our sins, our pride, our rebellion, our offenses against God. Elsewhere in the Bible it says
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:9-11)
We have received love.
We have received reconciliation.
We have received an invitation to know our Creator—not just know about, but know.
Why would a holy God want to reconcile with sinners like us? Why would a righteous deity want to make the first move in mending a relationship we destroyed? That’s the love of a Father…a good, good Father. He takes the initiative to fix things when life happens. He sets the perfect example for us in our human relationships…our messy human relationships. You know…words get said, feelings get hurt, blame gets assigned, misunderstandings occur. It’s so easy for once-beautiful families and friendships to be strained or even severed. That’s where love comes in.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:11-12)
Let’s take a moment and meditate on those verses. Wow! God so loved us. We are to love one another. If God is love, what does it look like to love one another? It means looking out for the best interest of the other person. We’re naturally selfish, thinking about our own needs, desires, and opinions. Loving another means putting ourselves in their shoes for a moment. It can be so easy when they like us and are like us. Loving someone different…that’s another story! But it’s possible when God’s love is made complete in us.
Prodigals
Sometimes the most difficult people to love are those closest to us because they are capable of not only great love but great pain. You might know the story of the prodigal—or extravagant—son. Jesus tells his audience…
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. (Luke 15:11-12)
Then the prodigal son takes the extravagant gifts of inheritance from his generous father, takes off for a foreign land, and parties until he’s homeless and hungry. In fact, the text says
He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. (Luke 15:16)
That might sound gross to us, but to a Jew, even being near pigs was horrifying, much less eating their food.
I love the beginning of the next verse.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. (Luke 15:17-20a)
The soundtrack for this moment is, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas!”
The son could be home for Christmas if only in his dreams. He showed up ready to beg for a job as a servant. After all, he already played his son card, walking off with half of the father’s wealth, a scandalous thing given an inheritance is received after someone dies. He is ashamed, humiliated…but desperate.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)
In 1985, Benny Hester wrote a song called When God Ran, about this verse. He sings:
The only time I ever saw him run/ Was when He ran to me/ He took me in His arms/ Held my head to His chest/ Said "My son's come home again!"/ Lifted my face/ Wiped the tears from my eyes/ With forgiveness in His voice He said/ "Son, do you know I still love You?"/He caught me By surprise, When God ran
That’s reconciliation. That’s grace. That’s love!
The father in the drama leaves his home and goes out to meet his family, just as the prodigal son’s father went out to meet his son.
Seeking Reconciliation
When we seek reconciliation, there are no guarantees. It takes two to tango, but someone needs to make the first move. Perhaps that someone is you. Maybe this Christmas is the one where steps are taken toward the healing of broken relationships. That is certainly the prayer for my family.
One thing I love about our God is there is nothing too difficult for Him. Prayer is powerful. There is no hopeless relationship. Nothing is beyond repair. No relationship is beyond fixing. That includes our relationship with God and our relationship with others.
God saw that the space between us and Him had become too great. So He ran to us. He came down to us at Christmas. Love comes down at Christmas.
So What?
We love God because God first loved us.
We love others because God first loved us.
He has done everything possible to show you His love, to have a relationship with you. It’s your move. What will you do?
Perhaps you’ve done everything possible to show others your love, to have a relationship with them. It’s their move. There might not be anything else you can do other than remain faithful, pray, and wait.
I’m there. Many of you are there. The gift of reconciliation means God took the initiative and has reconciled us to Himself which then allows us to potentially be reconciled to others.
Will you receive the gift of reconciliation with the Father?
Will you extend the gift of reconciliation to someone this Christmas?
Credits: title, drama, and some ideas from The Skit Guys.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Series—The Gifts of Christmas
1 John 4:7-12
Big Idea: Jesus came to reconcile us to the Father…and one another.
Skit Guys Video
Introduction
An old man who just wants to make things right with his kids. That’s sounds so reasonable, doesn’t it? He seems like a nice enough guy. What kind of person would reject love? He’s done everything he can think of so this time...this season...he goes...himself. He gives himself....a new beginning.
We’re in the middle of a series called The Gifts of Christmas. Two weeks ago we talked about the give of expectancy. Advent is about arrival, anticipation, and waiting. Last week we examined the gift of grace, unmerited favor. None of us deserve forgiveness, love, peace, forgiveness, or hope, yet that’s where God’s amazing grace becomes so vital to not only experience but also share. Today we’re talking about the gift of reconciliation, a word that reflects reunion, understanding, and resolution. In a world full of brokenness, reconciliation is desperately needed.
It has surprised me over the years how many good parents are estranged from their children. Don’t good parents produce good kids? How could someone walk away from the love of a father—or mother? Why would a “Christian” family have any division or unresolved conflict? Why are there so many prodigals amongst our First Alliance family? And then I look at the gap in my own family photo. Why? What happened? Can I fix it? If so, how?
Let me state from the beginning relationships require at least two people, and reconciliation requires at least two, also. The holidays are a time when people gather—with family, co-workers, and friends—for parties, meals, and for Christmas. I have nothing but good memories of childhood Christmases, not only tearing open brightly-wrapped presents and stuffing myself with cookies but seeing relatives I dearly loved.
It’s very different for me now. Obviously the wonder of gifts under the tree is different as an adult and I think twice before eating too many cookies, but while I love the family and friends in my life, I’m also reminded at this time of year about those with whom I am not connected. Many of my favorite people will be spending Jesus’ birthday with Him rather than me, which his bittersweet.
What’s more bitter and not at all sweet are those broken relationships. There will be one very empty chair at our table on the 25th for the second year in a row, and while our relationship with our daughter has taken some baby steps forward, it has a long way to go. How could someone reject the love of a father?
Tragically, it happens every day, and not just with human fathers. Our heavenly Father went to the most extreme of measures to show us His love. We can accept or reject it…it’s our choice. He made the first move. The ball’s in our court.
We’ve looked at our text for today—written by one of Jesus’ best friends, John—before, but it bears repeating. It begins
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7)
This sounds so familiar to anyone who has cracked open the Bible, but this is revolutionary among other religions. Love comes from God? Those who love are born of God? Those who love know God?
And what if we don’t love? What does that say about us? The command here—and elsewhere in the Bible—is to love…one another.
What is love? That’s the question! Hollywood will tell you one thing, Hallmark cards another. A man I knew searched the Bible to understand the true definition of love when he came upon this next verse.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8)
God is love. He’s the definition of love! Love is a person. Love is also a verb. It is action.
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. (1 John 4:9)
Love is more than words. The verse describes the purpose of Christmas itself. God showed His love by sending Jesus into the world, Emmanuel, God with us, that we might live, the we might experience abundant, satisfying, purpose-filled life.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
Jesus came to die for our sins on the cross, to be the perfect sacrifice, to reconnect us with our Creator in a relationship destroyed by our sins, our pride, our rebellion, our offenses against God. Elsewhere in the Bible it says
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:9-11)
We have received love.
We have received reconciliation.
We have received an invitation to know our Creator—not just know about, but know.
Why would a holy God want to reconcile with sinners like us? Why would a righteous deity want to make the first move in mending a relationship we destroyed? That’s the love of a Father…a good, good Father. He takes the initiative to fix things when life happens. He sets the perfect example for us in our human relationships…our messy human relationships. You know…words get said, feelings get hurt, blame gets assigned, misunderstandings occur. It’s so easy for once-beautiful families and friendships to be strained or even severed. That’s where love comes in.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:11-12)
Let’s take a moment and meditate on those verses. Wow! God so loved us. We are to love one another. If God is love, what does it look like to love one another? It means looking out for the best interest of the other person. We’re naturally selfish, thinking about our own needs, desires, and opinions. Loving another means putting ourselves in their shoes for a moment. It can be so easy when they like us and are like us. Loving someone different…that’s another story! But it’s possible when God’s love is made complete in us.
Prodigals
Sometimes the most difficult people to love are those closest to us because they are capable of not only great love but great pain. You might know the story of the prodigal—or extravagant—son. Jesus tells his audience…
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. (Luke 15:11-12)
Then the prodigal son takes the extravagant gifts of inheritance from his generous father, takes off for a foreign land, and parties until he’s homeless and hungry. In fact, the text says
He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. (Luke 15:16)
That might sound gross to us, but to a Jew, even being near pigs was horrifying, much less eating their food.
I love the beginning of the next verse.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. (Luke 15:17-20a)
The soundtrack for this moment is, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas!”
The son could be home for Christmas if only in his dreams. He showed up ready to beg for a job as a servant. After all, he already played his son card, walking off with half of the father’s wealth, a scandalous thing given an inheritance is received after someone dies. He is ashamed, humiliated…but desperate.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)
In 1985, Benny Hester wrote a song called When God Ran, about this verse. He sings:
The only time I ever saw him run/ Was when He ran to me/ He took me in His arms/ Held my head to His chest/ Said "My son's come home again!"/ Lifted my face/ Wiped the tears from my eyes/ With forgiveness in His voice He said/ "Son, do you know I still love You?"/He caught me By surprise, When God ran
That’s reconciliation. That’s grace. That’s love!
The father in the drama leaves his home and goes out to meet his family, just as the prodigal son’s father went out to meet his son.
Seeking Reconciliation
When we seek reconciliation, there are no guarantees. It takes two to tango, but someone needs to make the first move. Perhaps that someone is you. Maybe this Christmas is the one where steps are taken toward the healing of broken relationships. That is certainly the prayer for my family.
One thing I love about our God is there is nothing too difficult for Him. Prayer is powerful. There is no hopeless relationship. Nothing is beyond repair. No relationship is beyond fixing. That includes our relationship with God and our relationship with others.
God saw that the space between us and Him had become too great. So He ran to us. He came down to us at Christmas. Love comes down at Christmas.
So What?
We love God because God first loved us.
We love others because God first loved us.
He has done everything possible to show you His love, to have a relationship with you. It’s your move. What will you do?
Perhaps you’ve done everything possible to show others your love, to have a relationship with them. It’s their move. There might not be anything else you can do other than remain faithful, pray, and wait.
I’m there. Many of you are there. The gift of reconciliation means God took the initiative and has reconciled us to Himself which then allows us to potentially be reconciled to others.
Will you receive the gift of reconciliation with the Father?
Will you extend the gift of reconciliation to someone this Christmas?
Credits: title, drama, and some ideas from The Skit Guys.
When Friends Let You Down, 6 December 2015
When Friends Let You Down
Series: Be Here Now
1 Samuel 30:6
Series Overview: Christmas is the celebration of “presence.”
Big Idea: We must be present with and find our strength in God, even when friends desert us.
Introduction
This morning we are continuing our Advent series, Be Here Now, messages about presence—not presents you buy and wrap but presence—being fully present. Last week we noted The Golden Rule, Jesus’ timeless command to
Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)
We’ve all been annoyed by people who are present physically with us but are in another place mentally and emotionally. Whether they are distracted by texts on their phone, yawning binges and fatigue, daydreaming, or multitasking, it’s frustrating and downright offensive to be ignored.
It’s one thing to struggle for attention during a lunch conversation but quite another to be ignored or even abandoned in a relationship.
Have you ever been deserted by a friend? Have you invested in a friendship only to watch it die? What do you do when you’re willing to be fully present with someone and they no longer show up?
David
One of the great things about the Bible is its authenticity. You can’t make this stuff up! Today we’re going to look at three biblical characters, one from the Old and the other two from the New Testament. The first involves David. King David is one of the most important figures not only in the Bible but in human history. He became the second king of Israel following Saul, famous for a battle won against a giant named Goliath, and—like all of us—an imperfect sinner.
The book of 1 Samuel chapter 30 describes one of David’s worst moments as a warrior…prior to assuming the throne.
David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they went on their way. (1 Samuel 30:1-2)
This is not a good day!
When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. (1 Samuel 30:3-5)
Imagine how David is feeling. His two wives—we don’t have time today to discuss polygamy!—have been captured. Defeat is visible everywhere. He’s desperate.
Pause!
Shawn Achor, Harvard researcher and author of How Happiness Fuels Your Success, says, “The social connection is the greatest predictor of long-term happiness by far…social connection is not only the greatest predictor of happiness, social connection is as predictive of how long you will end up living as obesity, high blood pressure, or smoking.”
Connection to friends is the key indicator of happiness and a huge factor in how long you will live!
What are the implications of that when we lose friends? Huge!
I know what it’s like to lose friends.
One of my very best friends drifted away, failing to return phone calls and showing no interest in me and our relationship.
A few years ago after gently confronting another friend about his offensive behavior a similar situation occurred. Not only did he no longer reach out to me, he said things to other friends who stopped inviting us to social gatherings.
There are other examples, but none come close to the intensity of David’s loss.
Back to David!
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. (1 Samuel 30:6a)
It’s one thing to lose a friend. It’s another thing entirely to have friends that want to see you lose your life! What would you do…after you ran from these angry men?!
But David found strength in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6b)
This is an example of a good “but.” It’s worth noting the word “LORD” is capitalized. This is the Hebrew word that is essentially spelled YHWH. We don’t know how to pronounce it because Hebrew has no vowels and because it is the holy name of God, the name spoken to Moses at the Burning Bush. To this day Jews will not utter the word because they don’t want to dishonor it in any way. The word “Adonoi” is a more common word for “lord” often used instead. “In English, the Tetragrammaton—another term for YHWH— is in all-caps LORD to distinguish it from Adonai.
I once asked my Messianic Jewish rabbi friend about the pronunciation of YHWH. It is my understanding that Jehovah is grossly incorrect. When I asked Allen if it is Yahweh, he said, “That’s very close!” refusing to speak the word himself.
But David found strength in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6b)
This holy word for God describes Him as “I Am,” as the one who exists and/or causes existence. When abandoned by friends, David found strength in Am, in the LORD God.
One of the great things about God is He never changes. Hebrews tells us
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
Paul
Paul, once known as Saul, wrote much of the New Testament. In his second letter to his disciple Timothy, he writes,
Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message. (2 Timothy 4:14-15)
Notice Paul not only acknowledges the painful loss of a friend, he offers a warning to Timothy. Alexander is not a safe person. Boundaries are necessary.
We are to love all—look out for their best interests—but that does not mean we are to be best friends with everyone. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if Alexander was the only lost friend, but Paul continues…
At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. (2 Timothy 4:16)
Not only does Paul not complain, he speaks on behalf of those who deserted him, and then he offers a “but” similar to David.
But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (2 Timothy 4:17-18)
Paul turns to God for strength, then seeks the glory of God in all things. Every story in the Bible is ultimately about God’s glory.
Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (Isaiah 26:8)
He leveraged the good and bad for the glory of God.
Jesus
Our third biblical character was denied three times by one of His three best friends, Peter. He was betrayed by one of His twelve closest friends, Judas. I’m speaking of Jesus. As painful as those experienced must have been, nothing can compare to the anguish of being forsaken by the Father as He hung on the cross.
From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). (Matthew 27:45-46)
When David and Paul were deserted, they turned to God.
When Jesus was deserted, He had nowhere to turn.
After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:
“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. (John 17:1)
Jesus died for the glory of God. Did you catch that? He died for us, but even more He died for the glory of God.
In Jesus’ hour of greatest need, He turned to the Father. Where do you turn when you feel alone, abandoned, betrayed?
So What?
It’s impossible to be fully present with someone who’s not even there! The wounds of a friend run deep, and many common psychological problems stem from abandonment issues, often parents, but also friends. It takes years to build trust but only seconds to destroy it.
This season is “the most wonderful time of year” for some, yet it’s the most depressing time of year for others. Loneliness can be deadly—literally. If you feel alone, I have great news for you!
First, whether you know or accept it, you are a part of a family—the First Alliance family. You belong here!
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, our worship gathering is not the ideal environment for developing relationships, but we have Sunday School classes at 9 AM and Growth Groups that meet tonight and throughout the week, both smaller gatherings of people who not only study the Bible and pray but do life together. I urge you to get connected in a small group.
Second, Jesus understands. He was not only abandoned by friends, He was abandoned for a time by God the Father as our sins upon Christ were unbearable. He experience the ultimate pain, grief and loss.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
Third and finally, God is with you…always. We’ll discuss this further the next two weeks. One of the names of Jesus, Emmanuel, means “God with us.” Although Jesus is not physically with us at the moment, He left the Holy Spirit for all who believe in Him to experience. The Holy Spirit lives inside every follower of Jesus!
Conclusion
Relationships are risky. Friends can turn on you. Bonds can be broken. Such pain can make us bitter—or it can make us better as we run to Jesus, our big Brother who knows suffering and abandonment better than any of us could imagine.
This Advent season and every day of the year let’s be fully present for one another—inward. Let’s we reach out to the lonely and needy—outward. And let’s reach upward to Emmanuel, God with us.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here. You can subscribe to the free FAC Focus e-newsletter here.
Series: Be Here Now
1 Samuel 30:6
Series Overview: Christmas is the celebration of “presence.”
Big Idea: We must be present with and find our strength in God, even when friends desert us.
Introduction
This morning we are continuing our Advent series, Be Here Now, messages about presence—not presents you buy and wrap but presence—being fully present. Last week we noted The Golden Rule, Jesus’ timeless command to
Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)
We’ve all been annoyed by people who are present physically with us but are in another place mentally and emotionally. Whether they are distracted by texts on their phone, yawning binges and fatigue, daydreaming, or multitasking, it’s frustrating and downright offensive to be ignored.
It’s one thing to struggle for attention during a lunch conversation but quite another to be ignored or even abandoned in a relationship.
Have you ever been deserted by a friend? Have you invested in a friendship only to watch it die? What do you do when you’re willing to be fully present with someone and they no longer show up?
David
One of the great things about the Bible is its authenticity. You can’t make this stuff up! Today we’re going to look at three biblical characters, one from the Old and the other two from the New Testament. The first involves David. King David is one of the most important figures not only in the Bible but in human history. He became the second king of Israel following Saul, famous for a battle won against a giant named Goliath, and—like all of us—an imperfect sinner.
The book of 1 Samuel chapter 30 describes one of David’s worst moments as a warrior…prior to assuming the throne.
David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they went on their way. (1 Samuel 30:1-2)
This is not a good day!
When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. (1 Samuel 30:3-5)
Imagine how David is feeling. His two wives—we don’t have time today to discuss polygamy!—have been captured. Defeat is visible everywhere. He’s desperate.
Pause!
Shawn Achor, Harvard researcher and author of How Happiness Fuels Your Success, says, “The social connection is the greatest predictor of long-term happiness by far…social connection is not only the greatest predictor of happiness, social connection is as predictive of how long you will end up living as obesity, high blood pressure, or smoking.”
Connection to friends is the key indicator of happiness and a huge factor in how long you will live!
What are the implications of that when we lose friends? Huge!
I know what it’s like to lose friends.
One of my very best friends drifted away, failing to return phone calls and showing no interest in me and our relationship.
A few years ago after gently confronting another friend about his offensive behavior a similar situation occurred. Not only did he no longer reach out to me, he said things to other friends who stopped inviting us to social gatherings.
There are other examples, but none come close to the intensity of David’s loss.
Back to David!
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. (1 Samuel 30:6a)
It’s one thing to lose a friend. It’s another thing entirely to have friends that want to see you lose your life! What would you do…after you ran from these angry men?!
But David found strength in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6b)
This is an example of a good “but.” It’s worth noting the word “LORD” is capitalized. This is the Hebrew word that is essentially spelled YHWH. We don’t know how to pronounce it because Hebrew has no vowels and because it is the holy name of God, the name spoken to Moses at the Burning Bush. To this day Jews will not utter the word because they don’t want to dishonor it in any way. The word “Adonoi” is a more common word for “lord” often used instead. “In English, the Tetragrammaton—another term for YHWH— is in all-caps LORD to distinguish it from Adonai.
I once asked my Messianic Jewish rabbi friend about the pronunciation of YHWH. It is my understanding that Jehovah is grossly incorrect. When I asked Allen if it is Yahweh, he said, “That’s very close!” refusing to speak the word himself.
But David found strength in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6b)
This holy word for God describes Him as “I Am,” as the one who exists and/or causes existence. When abandoned by friends, David found strength in Am, in the LORD God.
One of the great things about God is He never changes. Hebrews tells us
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
Paul
Paul, once known as Saul, wrote much of the New Testament. In his second letter to his disciple Timothy, he writes,
Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message. (2 Timothy 4:14-15)
Notice Paul not only acknowledges the painful loss of a friend, he offers a warning to Timothy. Alexander is not a safe person. Boundaries are necessary.
We are to love all—look out for their best interests—but that does not mean we are to be best friends with everyone. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if Alexander was the only lost friend, but Paul continues…
At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. (2 Timothy 4:16)
Not only does Paul not complain, he speaks on behalf of those who deserted him, and then he offers a “but” similar to David.
But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (2 Timothy 4:17-18)
Paul turns to God for strength, then seeks the glory of God in all things. Every story in the Bible is ultimately about God’s glory.
Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (Isaiah 26:8)
He leveraged the good and bad for the glory of God.
Jesus
Our third biblical character was denied three times by one of His three best friends, Peter. He was betrayed by one of His twelve closest friends, Judas. I’m speaking of Jesus. As painful as those experienced must have been, nothing can compare to the anguish of being forsaken by the Father as He hung on the cross.
From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). (Matthew 27:45-46)
When David and Paul were deserted, they turned to God.
When Jesus was deserted, He had nowhere to turn.
After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:
“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. (John 17:1)
Jesus died for the glory of God. Did you catch that? He died for us, but even more He died for the glory of God.
In Jesus’ hour of greatest need, He turned to the Father. Where do you turn when you feel alone, abandoned, betrayed?
So What?
It’s impossible to be fully present with someone who’s not even there! The wounds of a friend run deep, and many common psychological problems stem from abandonment issues, often parents, but also friends. It takes years to build trust but only seconds to destroy it.
This season is “the most wonderful time of year” for some, yet it’s the most depressing time of year for others. Loneliness can be deadly—literally. If you feel alone, I have great news for you!
First, whether you know or accept it, you are a part of a family—the First Alliance family. You belong here!
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, our worship gathering is not the ideal environment for developing relationships, but we have Sunday School classes at 9 AM and Growth Groups that meet tonight and throughout the week, both smaller gatherings of people who not only study the Bible and pray but do life together. I urge you to get connected in a small group.
Second, Jesus understands. He was not only abandoned by friends, He was abandoned for a time by God the Father as our sins upon Christ were unbearable. He experience the ultimate pain, grief and loss.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
Third and finally, God is with you…always. We’ll discuss this further the next two weeks. One of the names of Jesus, Emmanuel, means “God with us.” Although Jesus is not physically with us at the moment, He left the Holy Spirit for all who believe in Him to experience. The Holy Spirit lives inside every follower of Jesus!
Conclusion
Relationships are risky. Friends can turn on you. Bonds can be broken. Such pain can make us bitter—or it can make us better as we run to Jesus, our big Brother who knows suffering and abandonment better than any of us could imagine.
This Advent season and every day of the year let’s be fully present for one another—inward. Let’s we reach out to the lonely and needy—outward. And let’s reach upward to Emmanuel, God with us.
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here. You can subscribe to the free FAC Focus e-newsletter here.
Loneliness, 8 June 2014
Big Idea: We are never alone, must embrace that reality, and ensure others are loved and connected.
There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.
A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.
Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.
(from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about)
Introduction
What is the one factor that produces happiness in people? According to a recent study it is the presence of rich, deep, meaningful relationships.
This should come as no surprise. Let’s go back—way back.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)
God exists in community. God said let us make man in our image. Although we worship one God—unlike many polytheistic religions of the world—God exists in three Persons: God the Father, God the Son, and the often neglected God the Holy Spirit. One of our most precious hymns vibrantly declares this theological truth:
“God in three Persons/Blessed Trinity” (Holy, Holy, Holy)
God exists in community. I can’t entirely explain it, but there God is community. God is all about relationships.
If you don’t believe me, turn a page or two to day six of the creation account in Genesis 2.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
The only thing that was not good during creation was a single man. It is not good for man to be alone! It is not good for woman to be alone.
Is it any wonder that loneliness can be so devastating?
“Ah look at all the lonely people.” - Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Recent Studies on Loneliness
If I had time, I could cite a barrage of research that indicates the negative effects of loneliness. It can affect our overall well-being. Disconnected, lonely people are more prone to an early death.
Elderly people without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely as those with friends.
The increased mortality risk is similar to that of smoking and twice as dangerous as obesity.
http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1000316
While loneliness is hardly new in our culture, it is growing. In the 1980’s about 20% of USAmericans were categorized as lonely.
One study of those 45 and older revealed 37% of men and 34% of women were lonely, though the older one got the less lonely they felt.
The percentage of lonely people has nearly doubled since the 80’s.
http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/loneliness_2010.pdf
How can this be when we are connected with cell phones, text, e-mail, video chat, and, of course, Facebook? After all, I have over one thousand Facebook friends so I couldn’t possibly ever experience loneliness. Right?!
A recent study of Facebook users found the more time you spend on Facebook, the less happy you feel throughout the day.
http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0069841#s2
Are you lonely?
The Loneliness Quiz (based upon the UCLA Loneliness Scale; http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/loneliness.htm)
Even if you scored low, there is no guarantee you will never feel lonely. Let’s face it, there are seasons of life during which we feel more lonely than others. I have certainly felt more lonely since my relationship with my dad began to erode with his terminal dementia.
One study said 90% of men don’t have a true friend. That’s far more than a season. I must confess other than my wife, my best friend has lived in Delaware for more than twenty years. I cherish my relationship with him and we’ve been together at least once every single year, yet sometimes I wonder why I’ve been unable to establish such a relationship with someone local in more than two decades.
If you’re feeling lonely, you’re in good company with me, King David, and probably every person that has ever breathed air—including Jesus.
In our remaining time together I want to present three things:
Jesus understands loneliness
If you are lonely today, Jesus understands. Really.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20; Luke 9:58)
No matter how lonely you have felt, none of us have experienced the ultimate loneliness Jesus experienced on the cross—for us. Not only was He alone above the crowds (except for the two thieves hanging beside Him), He encountered the most horrific of all loneliness: separation from God.
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” — which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34; this was a quote of Psalm 22:1)
Hell is eternal separation from God and others. It is ground zero for loneliness.
Jesus suffered my hell for me that I might one day enjoy His heaven with Him.
Jesus knows loneliness.
Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
The final words of Jesus recorded by Matthew as Christ ascends into heaven are
…surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)
God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b; see Deuteronomy 31:6)
I realize it’s very possible to be lonely even though you know God is with you, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge something you can’t see.
For example, right now there are dozens and possibly hundreds of messages being sent to you and me. Can you hear them? Can you see them? Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t here. You can deny such waves exist, but that doesn’t make them go away. What we need, in fact, is a receiver to fully appreciate these messages. Any radio or television will allow us to tune in to these invisible waves.
If Jesus walked into this room or any room in which you find yourself lonely, would you be less lonely? Of course!
Jesus said something interesting when He left our planet.
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)
Jesus is not here in this room in the flesh, but God is here. The Holy Spirit of God was unleashed on our planet about two thousand years ago and dwells within all believers. When we receive Jesus, we get the Holy Spirit, too.
If you are a Christ-follower, declare God’s truth over the lies of the enemy. Satan wants us lonely, depressed, and discouraged. We can’t threaten his agenda of death and destruction when we are consumed with our own sadness.
I’m not saying fake it and put on a happy face, but I am saying we need to know and speak the truth. If God is for us, who can be against us? We need to claim the authority we have in Jesus and the promises of God and acknowledge the presence of God with us. The Bible is like our radio or television, helping us see the reality of Emmanuel, God with us.
But if God was enough, there was no need to create Eve. Adam had God in the Garden of Eden, yet God said it was not good.
We need one another.
As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Look around the room. This is your family. I know, some of us are strange, but we’re all related by blood, the blood of Jesus. God has given us two simple yet daunting commands:
If we truly devoted ourselves to one another, I wonder how often we would be lonely. If we got beyond ourselves and intentionally reached out to one another, would it even be possible to be lonely?!
Perhaps the problem isn’t the people in this room but it’s you. Maybe you’ve refused the invitations of others into deeper fellowship. When did you stop trusting people? Many have been so hurt by others that they build walls to protect themselves from being hurt again. Does that describe you? I’m not saying it’s easy, but I urge you to be vulnerable. Be honest. Open up. Trust. It may not be the entire church, but what would happen if you took a risk and shared something with your Life Group or even one or two people? Last Sunday David Hobson courageously shared with our entire church his struggles, and doing so encourages us to respond to him with our story.
“You can only be loved to the extent that you're known.” That’s intimacy. I believe many are lonely because they’ve not let anyone in. I urge you to try…again. You might want to begin with a professional, biblical counselor. Family Counseling and Samaritan Counseling are two local centers that I’ve experienced. Their contact information:
Family Counseling 734.477.9999 (quality Biblical counseling)
Samaritan Counseling 734.677.0609 (quality Biblical counseling)
Eileen Aveni, ema@ndzh.com (quality Biblical counseling)
Another great loneliness killer is serving others. Volunteer at Hope Clinic or another area non-profit. Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves and our pain and frequently opens new relationships to us.
A Challenge
Scio Community Church, I want to urge you to intentionally welcome the stranger(s) among us. As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness. How can we love our neighbor if we ignore them. I’m not suggesting we harass them (!), but as we have said in recent days, people aren’t looking for a friendly church. They are looking for friends. As we have guests, we must do more than shake their hand and smile, though that’s a good start. The only way we are going to see new people join our family is if we get out of our comfort zones and seek relationships with them. Here are a few simple things you can do any Sunday:
Scio, we offer one of the greatest things people today are seeking—relationships! Our annual theme is connect and we’ve been called by God to connect people up to Him, in to one another, and out to our world.
The Bible is filled with exhortations regarding hospitality which is welcoming the stranger. Why? Because God is all about relationships. Are we?
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.
A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.
Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.
(from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about)
Introduction
What is the one factor that produces happiness in people? According to a recent study it is the presence of rich, deep, meaningful relationships.
This should come as no surprise. Let’s go back—way back.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)
God exists in community. God said let us make man in our image. Although we worship one God—unlike many polytheistic religions of the world—God exists in three Persons: God the Father, God the Son, and the often neglected God the Holy Spirit. One of our most precious hymns vibrantly declares this theological truth:
“God in three Persons/Blessed Trinity” (Holy, Holy, Holy)
God exists in community. I can’t entirely explain it, but there God is community. God is all about relationships.
If you don’t believe me, turn a page or two to day six of the creation account in Genesis 2.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
The only thing that was not good during creation was a single man. It is not good for man to be alone! It is not good for woman to be alone.
Is it any wonder that loneliness can be so devastating?
“Ah look at all the lonely people.” - Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Recent Studies on Loneliness
If I had time, I could cite a barrage of research that indicates the negative effects of loneliness. It can affect our overall well-being. Disconnected, lonely people are more prone to an early death.
Elderly people without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely as those with friends.
The increased mortality risk is similar to that of smoking and twice as dangerous as obesity.
http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1000316
While loneliness is hardly new in our culture, it is growing. In the 1980’s about 20% of USAmericans were categorized as lonely.
One study of those 45 and older revealed 37% of men and 34% of women were lonely, though the older one got the less lonely they felt.
The percentage of lonely people has nearly doubled since the 80’s.
http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/loneliness_2010.pdf
How can this be when we are connected with cell phones, text, e-mail, video chat, and, of course, Facebook? After all, I have over one thousand Facebook friends so I couldn’t possibly ever experience loneliness. Right?!
A recent study of Facebook users found the more time you spend on Facebook, the less happy you feel throughout the day.
http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0069841#s2
Are you lonely?
The Loneliness Quiz (based upon the UCLA Loneliness Scale; http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/loneliness.htm)
Even if you scored low, there is no guarantee you will never feel lonely. Let’s face it, there are seasons of life during which we feel more lonely than others. I have certainly felt more lonely since my relationship with my dad began to erode with his terminal dementia.
One study said 90% of men don’t have a true friend. That’s far more than a season. I must confess other than my wife, my best friend has lived in Delaware for more than twenty years. I cherish my relationship with him and we’ve been together at least once every single year, yet sometimes I wonder why I’ve been unable to establish such a relationship with someone local in more than two decades.
If you’re feeling lonely, you’re in good company with me, King David, and probably every person that has ever breathed air—including Jesus.
In our remaining time together I want to present three things:
- Jesus understands loneliness
- Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
- As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Jesus understands loneliness
If you are lonely today, Jesus understands. Really.
- - man of sorrows
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
- - homeless
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20; Luke 9:58)
- - betrayed by one of His disciples, Judas
- - one of His closest friends, Peter, denied Him three times
- - His best friends deserted Him in the hour of His greatest need in the Garden of Gethsemane prior to His arrest (Matthew 26; Mark 14)
- - He was tempted in every way and this included isolation (Hebrews 4:15)
No matter how lonely you have felt, none of us have experienced the ultimate loneliness Jesus experienced on the cross—for us. Not only was He alone above the crowds (except for the two thieves hanging beside Him), He encountered the most horrific of all loneliness: separation from God.
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” — which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34; this was a quote of Psalm 22:1)
Hell is eternal separation from God and others. It is ground zero for loneliness.
Jesus suffered my hell for me that I might one day enjoy His heaven with Him.
Jesus knows loneliness.
Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
The final words of Jesus recorded by Matthew as Christ ascends into heaven are
…surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)
God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b; see Deuteronomy 31:6)
I realize it’s very possible to be lonely even though you know God is with you, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge something you can’t see.
For example, right now there are dozens and possibly hundreds of messages being sent to you and me. Can you hear them? Can you see them? Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t here. You can deny such waves exist, but that doesn’t make them go away. What we need, in fact, is a receiver to fully appreciate these messages. Any radio or television will allow us to tune in to these invisible waves.
If Jesus walked into this room or any room in which you find yourself lonely, would you be less lonely? Of course!
Jesus said something interesting when He left our planet.
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)
Jesus is not here in this room in the flesh, but God is here. The Holy Spirit of God was unleashed on our planet about two thousand years ago and dwells within all believers. When we receive Jesus, we get the Holy Spirit, too.
If you are a Christ-follower, declare God’s truth over the lies of the enemy. Satan wants us lonely, depressed, and discouraged. We can’t threaten his agenda of death and destruction when we are consumed with our own sadness.
I’m not saying fake it and put on a happy face, but I am saying we need to know and speak the truth. If God is for us, who can be against us? We need to claim the authority we have in Jesus and the promises of God and acknowledge the presence of God with us. The Bible is like our radio or television, helping us see the reality of Emmanuel, God with us.
But if God was enough, there was no need to create Eve. Adam had God in the Garden of Eden, yet God said it was not good.
We need one another.
As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Look around the room. This is your family. I know, some of us are strange, but we’re all related by blood, the blood of Jesus. God has given us two simple yet daunting commands:
- - love Him
- - love others
If we truly devoted ourselves to one another, I wonder how often we would be lonely. If we got beyond ourselves and intentionally reached out to one another, would it even be possible to be lonely?!
Perhaps the problem isn’t the people in this room but it’s you. Maybe you’ve refused the invitations of others into deeper fellowship. When did you stop trusting people? Many have been so hurt by others that they build walls to protect themselves from being hurt again. Does that describe you? I’m not saying it’s easy, but I urge you to be vulnerable. Be honest. Open up. Trust. It may not be the entire church, but what would happen if you took a risk and shared something with your Life Group or even one or two people? Last Sunday David Hobson courageously shared with our entire church his struggles, and doing so encourages us to respond to him with our story.
“You can only be loved to the extent that you're known.” That’s intimacy. I believe many are lonely because they’ve not let anyone in. I urge you to try…again. You might want to begin with a professional, biblical counselor. Family Counseling and Samaritan Counseling are two local centers that I’ve experienced. Their contact information:
Family Counseling 734.477.9999 (quality Biblical counseling)
Samaritan Counseling 734.677.0609 (quality Biblical counseling)
Eileen Aveni, ema@ndzh.com (quality Biblical counseling)
Another great loneliness killer is serving others. Volunteer at Hope Clinic or another area non-profit. Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves and our pain and frequently opens new relationships to us.
A Challenge
Scio Community Church, I want to urge you to intentionally welcome the stranger(s) among us. As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness. How can we love our neighbor if we ignore them. I’m not suggesting we harass them (!), but as we have said in recent days, people aren’t looking for a friendly church. They are looking for friends. As we have guests, we must do more than shake their hand and smile, though that’s a good start. The only way we are going to see new people join our family is if we get out of our comfort zones and seek relationships with them. Here are a few simple things you can do any Sunday:
- Invite them to Life Group following our worship gathering
- Invite them to lunch after Life Group
- Invite them to coffee this week
- Get their phone or e-mail, if appropriate, and contact them
- Invite them to your home for a meal or party
Scio, we offer one of the greatest things people today are seeking—relationships! Our annual theme is connect and we’ve been called by God to connect people up to Him, in to one another, and out to our world.
The Bible is filled with exhortations regarding hospitality which is welcoming the stranger. Why? Because God is all about relationships. Are we?
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.