Loneliness
Loneliness, 8 June 2014
Big Idea: We are never alone, must embrace that reality, and ensure others are loved and connected.
There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.
A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.
Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.
(from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about)
Introduction
What is the one factor that produces happiness in people? According to a recent study it is the presence of rich, deep, meaningful relationships.
This should come as no surprise. Let’s go back—way back.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)
God exists in community. God said let us make man in our image. Although we worship one God—unlike many polytheistic religions of the world—God exists in three Persons: God the Father, God the Son, and the often neglected God the Holy Spirit. One of our most precious hymns vibrantly declares this theological truth:
“God in three Persons/Blessed Trinity” (Holy, Holy, Holy)
God exists in community. I can’t entirely explain it, but there God is community. God is all about relationships.
If you don’t believe me, turn a page or two to day six of the creation account in Genesis 2.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
The only thing that was not good during creation was a single man. It is not good for man to be alone! It is not good for woman to be alone.
Is it any wonder that loneliness can be so devastating?
“Ah look at all the lonely people.” - Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Recent Studies on Loneliness
If I had time, I could cite a barrage of research that indicates the negative effects of loneliness. It can affect our overall well-being. Disconnected, lonely people are more prone to an early death.
Elderly people without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely as those with friends.
The increased mortality risk is similar to that of smoking and twice as dangerous as obesity.
http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1000316
While loneliness is hardly new in our culture, it is growing. In the 1980’s about 20% of USAmericans were categorized as lonely.
One study of those 45 and older revealed 37% of men and 34% of women were lonely, though the older one got the less lonely they felt.
The percentage of lonely people has nearly doubled since the 80’s.
http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/loneliness_2010.pdf
How can this be when we are connected with cell phones, text, e-mail, video chat, and, of course, Facebook? After all, I have over one thousand Facebook friends so I couldn’t possibly ever experience loneliness. Right?!
A recent study of Facebook users found the more time you spend on Facebook, the less happy you feel throughout the day.
http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0069841#s2
Are you lonely?
The Loneliness Quiz (based upon the UCLA Loneliness Scale; http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/loneliness.htm)
Even if you scored low, there is no guarantee you will never feel lonely. Let’s face it, there are seasons of life during which we feel more lonely than others. I have certainly felt more lonely since my relationship with my dad began to erode with his terminal dementia.
One study said 90% of men don’t have a true friend. That’s far more than a season. I must confess other than my wife, my best friend has lived in Delaware for more than twenty years. I cherish my relationship with him and we’ve been together at least once every single year, yet sometimes I wonder why I’ve been unable to establish such a relationship with someone local in more than two decades.
If you’re feeling lonely, you’re in good company with me, King David, and probably every person that has ever breathed air—including Jesus.
In our remaining time together I want to present three things:
Jesus understands loneliness
If you are lonely today, Jesus understands. Really.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20; Luke 9:58)
No matter how lonely you have felt, none of us have experienced the ultimate loneliness Jesus experienced on the cross—for us. Not only was He alone above the crowds (except for the two thieves hanging beside Him), He encountered the most horrific of all loneliness: separation from God.
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” — which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34; this was a quote of Psalm 22:1)
Hell is eternal separation from God and others. It is ground zero for loneliness.
Jesus suffered my hell for me that I might one day enjoy His heaven with Him.
Jesus knows loneliness.
Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
The final words of Jesus recorded by Matthew as Christ ascends into heaven are
…surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)
God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b; see Deuteronomy 31:6)
I realize it’s very possible to be lonely even though you know God is with you, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge something you can’t see.
For example, right now there are dozens and possibly hundreds of messages being sent to you and me. Can you hear them? Can you see them? Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t here. You can deny such waves exist, but that doesn’t make them go away. What we need, in fact, is a receiver to fully appreciate these messages. Any radio or television will allow us to tune in to these invisible waves.
If Jesus walked into this room or any room in which you find yourself lonely, would you be less lonely? Of course!
Jesus said something interesting when He left our planet.
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)
Jesus is not here in this room in the flesh, but God is here. The Holy Spirit of God was unleashed on our planet about two thousand years ago and dwells within all believers. When we receive Jesus, we get the Holy Spirit, too.
If you are a Christ-follower, declare God’s truth over the lies of the enemy. Satan wants us lonely, depressed, and discouraged. We can’t threaten his agenda of death and destruction when we are consumed with our own sadness.
I’m not saying fake it and put on a happy face, but I am saying we need to know and speak the truth. If God is for us, who can be against us? We need to claim the authority we have in Jesus and the promises of God and acknowledge the presence of God with us. The Bible is like our radio or television, helping us see the reality of Emmanuel, God with us.
But if God was enough, there was no need to create Eve. Adam had God in the Garden of Eden, yet God said it was not good.
We need one another.
As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Look around the room. This is your family. I know, some of us are strange, but we’re all related by blood, the blood of Jesus. God has given us two simple yet daunting commands:
If we truly devoted ourselves to one another, I wonder how often we would be lonely. If we got beyond ourselves and intentionally reached out to one another, would it even be possible to be lonely?!
Perhaps the problem isn’t the people in this room but it’s you. Maybe you’ve refused the invitations of others into deeper fellowship. When did you stop trusting people? Many have been so hurt by others that they build walls to protect themselves from being hurt again. Does that describe you? I’m not saying it’s easy, but I urge you to be vulnerable. Be honest. Open up. Trust. It may not be the entire church, but what would happen if you took a risk and shared something with your Life Group or even one or two people? Last Sunday David Hobson courageously shared with our entire church his struggles, and doing so encourages us to respond to him with our story.
“You can only be loved to the extent that you're known.” That’s intimacy. I believe many are lonely because they’ve not let anyone in. I urge you to try…again. You might want to begin with a professional, biblical counselor. Family Counseling and Samaritan Counseling are two local centers that I’ve experienced. Their contact information:
Family Counseling 734.477.9999 (quality Biblical counseling)
Samaritan Counseling 734.677.0609 (quality Biblical counseling)
Eileen Aveni, ema@ndzh.com (quality Biblical counseling)
Another great loneliness killer is serving others. Volunteer at Hope Clinic or another area non-profit. Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves and our pain and frequently opens new relationships to us.
A Challenge
Scio Community Church, I want to urge you to intentionally welcome the stranger(s) among us. As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness. How can we love our neighbor if we ignore them. I’m not suggesting we harass them (!), but as we have said in recent days, people aren’t looking for a friendly church. They are looking for friends. As we have guests, we must do more than shake their hand and smile, though that’s a good start. The only way we are going to see new people join our family is if we get out of our comfort zones and seek relationships with them. Here are a few simple things you can do any Sunday:
Scio, we offer one of the greatest things people today are seeking—relationships! Our annual theme is connect and we’ve been called by God to connect people up to Him, in to one another, and out to our world.
The Bible is filled with exhortations regarding hospitality which is welcoming the stranger. Why? Because God is all about relationships. Are we?
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
There are droves of lonely people in the church, and that includes senior pastors and priests. The isolation comes from a lack of identification and identification comes through open communication. When we can be vulnerable and honest with one another, we understand each other in a profound way.
A lonely person may walk in to a church alone and leave alone each Sunday. Although they appreciate the free coffee and donuts the fellowship hall offers, what they really want is fellowship. Taking time to get to know the people around you and then reaching out to them outside of the church will allow for a greater, more stable community.
Of course, every church is different and while one church may be stronger in one area, it may be weaker in others. These are just a few issues that we as the Church Body need to be willing to address. And as we talk about them, we must remember to address them with humility, understanding and grace, keeping in mind our role as fellow hospital patients, not museum curators.
(from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-uncomfortable-issues-church-needs-start-talking-about)
Introduction
What is the one factor that produces happiness in people? According to a recent study it is the presence of rich, deep, meaningful relationships.
This should come as no surprise. Let’s go back—way back.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)
God exists in community. God said let us make man in our image. Although we worship one God—unlike many polytheistic religions of the world—God exists in three Persons: God the Father, God the Son, and the often neglected God the Holy Spirit. One of our most precious hymns vibrantly declares this theological truth:
“God in three Persons/Blessed Trinity” (Holy, Holy, Holy)
God exists in community. I can’t entirely explain it, but there God is community. God is all about relationships.
If you don’t believe me, turn a page or two to day six of the creation account in Genesis 2.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
The only thing that was not good during creation was a single man. It is not good for man to be alone! It is not good for woman to be alone.
Is it any wonder that loneliness can be so devastating?
“Ah look at all the lonely people.” - Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Recent Studies on Loneliness
If I had time, I could cite a barrage of research that indicates the negative effects of loneliness. It can affect our overall well-being. Disconnected, lonely people are more prone to an early death.
Elderly people without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely as those with friends.
The increased mortality risk is similar to that of smoking and twice as dangerous as obesity.
http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1000316
While loneliness is hardly new in our culture, it is growing. In the 1980’s about 20% of USAmericans were categorized as lonely.
One study of those 45 and older revealed 37% of men and 34% of women were lonely, though the older one got the less lonely they felt.
The percentage of lonely people has nearly doubled since the 80’s.
http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/loneliness_2010.pdf
How can this be when we are connected with cell phones, text, e-mail, video chat, and, of course, Facebook? After all, I have over one thousand Facebook friends so I couldn’t possibly ever experience loneliness. Right?!
A recent study of Facebook users found the more time you spend on Facebook, the less happy you feel throughout the day.
http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0069841#s2
Are you lonely?
The Loneliness Quiz (based upon the UCLA Loneliness Scale; http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/loneliness.htm)
Even if you scored low, there is no guarantee you will never feel lonely. Let’s face it, there are seasons of life during which we feel more lonely than others. I have certainly felt more lonely since my relationship with my dad began to erode with his terminal dementia.
One study said 90% of men don’t have a true friend. That’s far more than a season. I must confess other than my wife, my best friend has lived in Delaware for more than twenty years. I cherish my relationship with him and we’ve been together at least once every single year, yet sometimes I wonder why I’ve been unable to establish such a relationship with someone local in more than two decades.
If you’re feeling lonely, you’re in good company with me, King David, and probably every person that has ever breathed air—including Jesus.
In our remaining time together I want to present three things:
- Jesus understands loneliness
- Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
- As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Jesus understands loneliness
If you are lonely today, Jesus understands. Really.
- - man of sorrows
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3)
- - homeless
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20; Luke 9:58)
- - betrayed by one of His disciples, Judas
- - one of His closest friends, Peter, denied Him three times
- - His best friends deserted Him in the hour of His greatest need in the Garden of Gethsemane prior to His arrest (Matthew 26; Mark 14)
- - He was tempted in every way and this included isolation (Hebrews 4:15)
No matter how lonely you have felt, none of us have experienced the ultimate loneliness Jesus experienced on the cross—for us. Not only was He alone above the crowds (except for the two thieves hanging beside Him), He encountered the most horrific of all loneliness: separation from God.
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” — which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34; this was a quote of Psalm 22:1)
Hell is eternal separation from God and others. It is ground zero for loneliness.
Jesus suffered my hell for me that I might one day enjoy His heaven with Him.
Jesus knows loneliness.
Jesus is with us in the midst of our loneliness
The final words of Jesus recorded by Matthew as Christ ascends into heaven are
…surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)
God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b; see Deuteronomy 31:6)
I realize it’s very possible to be lonely even though you know God is with you, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge something you can’t see.
For example, right now there are dozens and possibly hundreds of messages being sent to you and me. Can you hear them? Can you see them? Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t here. You can deny such waves exist, but that doesn’t make them go away. What we need, in fact, is a receiver to fully appreciate these messages. Any radio or television will allow us to tune in to these invisible waves.
If Jesus walked into this room or any room in which you find yourself lonely, would you be less lonely? Of course!
Jesus said something interesting when He left our planet.
But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)
Jesus is not here in this room in the flesh, but God is here. The Holy Spirit of God was unleashed on our planet about two thousand years ago and dwells within all believers. When we receive Jesus, we get the Holy Spirit, too.
If you are a Christ-follower, declare God’s truth over the lies of the enemy. Satan wants us lonely, depressed, and discouraged. We can’t threaten his agenda of death and destruction when we are consumed with our own sadness.
I’m not saying fake it and put on a happy face, but I am saying we need to know and speak the truth. If God is for us, who can be against us? We need to claim the authority we have in Jesus and the promises of God and acknowledge the presence of God with us. The Bible is like our radio or television, helping us see the reality of Emmanuel, God with us.
But if God was enough, there was no need to create Eve. Adam had God in the Garden of Eden, yet God said it was not good.
We need one another.
As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness
Look around the room. This is your family. I know, some of us are strange, but we’re all related by blood, the blood of Jesus. God has given us two simple yet daunting commands:
- - love Him
- - love others
If we truly devoted ourselves to one another, I wonder how often we would be lonely. If we got beyond ourselves and intentionally reached out to one another, would it even be possible to be lonely?!
Perhaps the problem isn’t the people in this room but it’s you. Maybe you’ve refused the invitations of others into deeper fellowship. When did you stop trusting people? Many have been so hurt by others that they build walls to protect themselves from being hurt again. Does that describe you? I’m not saying it’s easy, but I urge you to be vulnerable. Be honest. Open up. Trust. It may not be the entire church, but what would happen if you took a risk and shared something with your Life Group or even one or two people? Last Sunday David Hobson courageously shared with our entire church his struggles, and doing so encourages us to respond to him with our story.
“You can only be loved to the extent that you're known.” That’s intimacy. I believe many are lonely because they’ve not let anyone in. I urge you to try…again. You might want to begin with a professional, biblical counselor. Family Counseling and Samaritan Counseling are two local centers that I’ve experienced. Their contact information:
Family Counseling 734.477.9999 (quality Biblical counseling)
Samaritan Counseling 734.677.0609 (quality Biblical counseling)
Eileen Aveni, ema@ndzh.com (quality Biblical counseling)
Another great loneliness killer is serving others. Volunteer at Hope Clinic or another area non-profit. Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves and our pain and frequently opens new relationships to us.
A Challenge
Scio Community Church, I want to urge you to intentionally welcome the stranger(s) among us. As followers of Jesus, we are called to wipe out loneliness. How can we love our neighbor if we ignore them. I’m not suggesting we harass them (!), but as we have said in recent days, people aren’t looking for a friendly church. They are looking for friends. As we have guests, we must do more than shake their hand and smile, though that’s a good start. The only way we are going to see new people join our family is if we get out of our comfort zones and seek relationships with them. Here are a few simple things you can do any Sunday:
- Invite them to Life Group following our worship gathering
- Invite them to lunch after Life Group
- Invite them to coffee this week
- Get their phone or e-mail, if appropriate, and contact them
- Invite them to your home for a meal or party
Scio, we offer one of the greatest things people today are seeking—relationships! Our annual theme is connect and we’ve been called by God to connect people up to Him, in to one another, and out to our world.
The Bible is filled with exhortations regarding hospitality which is welcoming the stranger. Why? Because God is all about relationships. Are we?
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.