Maturity
Grow into an Emotionally Mature Adult, 29 May 2016
Grow into an Emotionally Mature Adult
Series: Go Deeper
Luke 10:25-37
Series Theme “Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea: The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult…to love.
Introduction
We’re nearing the end of our series Go Deeper. The purpose of the series is to get real—with God, others, and ourselves—in order to better love God and others. Many live in denial about their past, their struggles, their sins, and their pain.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero.
Two weeks ago we talked about the rhythms of the Daily Office and a weekly Sabbath. If you’ve been experimenting with praying throughout the day and/or a designated day of rest, I’d love to hear about it. If not, I challenge you to pursue God in fresh ways and prioritize one, “unproductive” day of the week to rest, recharge, and renew.
Today’s topic is growing into an emotionally mature adult. Many people confuse age with maturity. Just as the phrase “older and wiser” is not always true, so also “older and mature” is not necessarily reality. No matter how old you are, there is room for growth and maturity. Our ultimate goal is to look like Jesus.
Many people overestimate their maturity. Specifically, they believe because they’ve attended a lot of church services and Bible studies they’re mature. Most people I know are educated beyond their level of obedience—including me!
Maturity requires more than great faith, sacrificing your body, giving everything you have to the poor, having great knowledge, and speaking multiple languages (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
In the Church, many mistakenly believe that if they have spent decades attending a church gathering on Sundays, they will automatically become spiritual giants. Not long ago a local pastor mentioned how he is so frustrated by several senior citizens in his congregation that think they’re mature, yet they are mean-spirited, selfish, grumpy, and lack joy and the most important of all love.
Love
Few words are more misunderstood in our culture than love. Love is a feeling. I love ice cream and roller coasters. People say they fall into love and fall out of love.
Years ago I saw a group from the UK called The Waterboys. They have a song in which they declare love “lives in the girl in the swing.” Deep!
I remember a man telling me he had fallen in love with a woman, or so he thought. He wrestled with this question of defining love. He wisely turned to the Bible and discovered the answer in the book of 1 John.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1John 4:16)
God is love. Love is God. He is the definition of love!
Many of you know John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
1 John 3:16 is similar.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16)
The original Greek in the Bible uses three different words to describe three different types of love.
One of the most famous of Jesus’ stories is often called The Good Samarian.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:25-26)
Jesus loved to answer questions with questions!
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
These two commands were known by every Jew, found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
Love God. Love your neighbor. So simple. That’s it. That’s why we’re here. That’s what First Alliance is all about…just two things: love God, love your neighbor. Simple. But so challenging…especially if your neighbor is…uh, unlovable!
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
This man thought he was mature. He thought because he was an expert in the law he’d pass any morality exam with flying colors. He should’ve just walked away, but instead he tried to “justify himself.”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. (Luke 10:30)
The journey from Jerusalem to Jericho is about 17 miles long with a descent of about 3000 feet. It was a dangerous road, frequently filled with robbers who hid along the steep, winding path.
A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. (Luke 10:31-32)
These two respected, religious, supposedly loving men ignore the victim of violence. Most likely the victim, priest, and Levite were all Jews. They studied what is known as the Torah, the first part of our Bible. It would make sense to help a brother in the faith, yet the two men were too busy or proud to be inconvenienced.
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. (Luke 10:33)
It’s nearly impossible for us to understand the hatred of Samarians by the Jews. Samaritans were a mixed race of Jew and Gentile. The Jewish Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs, something so offensive I can’t come up with a modern-day equivalent!
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:34-35)
The Levite was religious. He had probably memorized the first five books of the Bible! He had likely given sermons on loving others.
Notice that this hated Samaritan loves, yet his love has appropriate boundaries. He doesn’t completely abandon his plans, but he seeks help, delegates to the innkeeper, and resumes his scheduled activities. He is generous. He loves.
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37)
The essence of true Christian spirituality is love. This is not the feeling of love. It’s the commitment to seek the best interest of another, regardless of who they are, the color of their skin, the accent in their language, the clothes on their body, their age, religion, or gender.
But love cannot just be in our head. It has to be in our heart and hands. One of Jesus’ three best friends said
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? (1 John 3:17)
John narrows his focus to brothers or sisters, but Jesus says to love one’s neighbor, which is essentially anyone and everyone.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Loving your neighbor may mean caring for their physical needs in a moment of crisis, but most often it has to do with our day-to-day relationships with those we encounter at home, work, school, or in the marketplace. Just as infants grow physically into adults, so also emotional infants can become children, adolescents, and adults. Look at these examples:
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding, appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult as Emotional Adult
-- Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
-- Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
-- Able to listen with empathy.
-- Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
-- Respects others without having to change them.
-- Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
-- Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
The problem is that we live with us in the center of our universe. The Good News is that we don’t have to stay there.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This is one of my favorite verses. Christ has the power to change and transform us. His sacrifice on the cross made it possible for us to reconnect with our Father, despite our sin.
Salvation does not mean we are instantly mature, however. Just as a Christian alcoholic must take steps to address their addiction and a Christian who never finished high school might want to work hard to get their GED, so also our emotions may need some deliberate, focused attention. Sure God could just miraculously heal the brokenness from your past, but more than likely He will work through your efforts at wholeness—not salvation, but wholeness.
This is one of the greatest challenges within the Church—denying our history and thinking that this verse means we’re instantly cured of every dysfunction in our lives when we encounter Jesus. We grow into maturity, it doesn’t just happen.
So What?
Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is obviously impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
You can’t just love God. You have to love people, too. Loving God is more than reading the Bible, prayer, and church attendance. To obey is better than any sacrifice, and Jesus repeatedly taught us to love one another. Let’s face it, it’s relatively easy to love a loving God, but loving our enemies and neighbors is far different, especially since they are not perfect like Jesus!
As a church family, we are beta-testing some discipleship strategies. Jesus said to make disciples and we are very serious about not only making spiritual disciples but holistic disciples that are vibrant, healthy, and contagious (yes, I used health and contagious in the same sentence!).
What does an emotionally mature adult ultimately look like?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Jesus is our perfect example.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Does that describe you? If not, there is room for growth!
Jesus was the ultimate human being. He was the ultimate example of love. He was the most emotionally mature person to enter our world.
The amazing thing is that His power is alive and well through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God is able to reside inside you, not to instantly make you perfect, but to help you grow in all aspects of your life. Growth takes time. It takes intentionality. It takes effort. It takes surrender to God.
Perhaps you’ve had the fire and passion for God but you’ve grown complacent and comfortable. Maybe your next step this morning is to recommit your life to Christ, invite the Holy Spirit to live inside you, and give you the courage to confront your past and the strength to create a healthier, whole future.
Maybe today is the day of salvation, the day you begin your journey, the day you learn how to love, knowing that you are loved…by God and by our faith family.
Regardless of where you find yourself in the spiritual journey, I want to encourage you to take the next step forward, to know God more, to know love more, and to love God and others more. John said
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
Arguably the best way we can love others is by first reflecting upon how much we are loved by God. This is why time with God is so valuable.
If you get nothing else out of this morning, know you are loved. You are precious to God. You were created in His image with value, dignity, and worth. We all have days when we are not all that lovable, yet God still loves us. In the same way we are to love the unlovable, sharing God’s love we have received with others.
The measure of our maturity is not how many sermons we’ve sat through or how many Bible verses we’ve memorized. The real measure of our maturity is how well we love…God…and others.
I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to love others. It truly requires effort, sacrifice, and intentionality. We love God because He first loved us. We love others because He loves them. We are able to love when desperately seek God and His love.
Credits and Stuff
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Series: Go Deeper
Luke 10:25-37
The Big Idea: The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult…to love.
Introduction
We’re nearing the end of our series Go Deeper. The purpose of the series is to get real—with God, others, and ourselves—in order to better love God and others. Many live in denial about their past, their struggles, their sins, and their pain.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero.
Two weeks ago we talked about the rhythms of the Daily Office and a weekly Sabbath. If you’ve been experimenting with praying throughout the day and/or a designated day of rest, I’d love to hear about it. If not, I challenge you to pursue God in fresh ways and prioritize one, “unproductive” day of the week to rest, recharge, and renew.
Today’s topic is growing into an emotionally mature adult. Many people confuse age with maturity. Just as the phrase “older and wiser” is not always true, so also “older and mature” is not necessarily reality. No matter how old you are, there is room for growth and maturity. Our ultimate goal is to look like Jesus.
Many people overestimate their maturity. Specifically, they believe because they’ve attended a lot of church services and Bible studies they’re mature. Most people I know are educated beyond their level of obedience—including me!
Maturity requires more than great faith, sacrificing your body, giving everything you have to the poor, having great knowledge, and speaking multiple languages (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
In the Church, many mistakenly believe that if they have spent decades attending a church gathering on Sundays, they will automatically become spiritual giants. Not long ago a local pastor mentioned how he is so frustrated by several senior citizens in his congregation that think they’re mature, yet they are mean-spirited, selfish, grumpy, and lack joy and the most important of all love.
Love
Few words are more misunderstood in our culture than love. Love is a feeling. I love ice cream and roller coasters. People say they fall into love and fall out of love.
Years ago I saw a group from the UK called The Waterboys. They have a song in which they declare love “lives in the girl in the swing.” Deep!
I remember a man telling me he had fallen in love with a woman, or so he thought. He wrestled with this question of defining love. He wisely turned to the Bible and discovered the answer in the book of 1 John.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1John 4:16)
God is love. Love is God. He is the definition of love!
Many of you know John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
1 John 3:16 is similar.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16)
The original Greek in the Bible uses three different words to describe three different types of love.
- - eros (ἔρως), passionate
- - philia (φιλία), friendship
- - agape (ἀγάπη), unconditional
One of the most famous of Jesus’ stories is often called The Good Samarian.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:25-26)
Jesus loved to answer questions with questions!
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
These two commands were known by every Jew, found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
Love God. Love your neighbor. So simple. That’s it. That’s why we’re here. That’s what First Alliance is all about…just two things: love God, love your neighbor. Simple. But so challenging…especially if your neighbor is…uh, unlovable!
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
This man thought he was mature. He thought because he was an expert in the law he’d pass any morality exam with flying colors. He should’ve just walked away, but instead he tried to “justify himself.”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. (Luke 10:30)
The journey from Jerusalem to Jericho is about 17 miles long with a descent of about 3000 feet. It was a dangerous road, frequently filled with robbers who hid along the steep, winding path.
A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. (Luke 10:31-32)
These two respected, religious, supposedly loving men ignore the victim of violence. Most likely the victim, priest, and Levite were all Jews. They studied what is known as the Torah, the first part of our Bible. It would make sense to help a brother in the faith, yet the two men were too busy or proud to be inconvenienced.
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. (Luke 10:33)
It’s nearly impossible for us to understand the hatred of Samarians by the Jews. Samaritans were a mixed race of Jew and Gentile. The Jewish Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs, something so offensive I can’t come up with a modern-day equivalent!
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:34-35)
The Levite was religious. He had probably memorized the first five books of the Bible! He had likely given sermons on loving others.
Notice that this hated Samaritan loves, yet his love has appropriate boundaries. He doesn’t completely abandon his plans, but he seeks help, delegates to the innkeeper, and resumes his scheduled activities. He is generous. He loves.
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37)
The essence of true Christian spirituality is love. This is not the feeling of love. It’s the commitment to seek the best interest of another, regardless of who they are, the color of their skin, the accent in their language, the clothes on their body, their age, religion, or gender.
But love cannot just be in our head. It has to be in our heart and hands. One of Jesus’ three best friends said
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? (1 John 3:17)
John narrows his focus to brothers or sisters, but Jesus says to love one’s neighbor, which is essentially anyone and everyone.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Loving your neighbor may mean caring for their physical needs in a moment of crisis, but most often it has to do with our day-to-day relationships with those we encounter at home, work, school, or in the marketplace. Just as infants grow physically into adults, so also emotional infants can become children, adolescents, and adults. Look at these examples:
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding, appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult as Emotional Adult
-- Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
-- Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
-- Able to listen with empathy.
-- Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
-- Respects others without having to change them.
-- Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
-- Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
The problem is that we live with us in the center of our universe. The Good News is that we don’t have to stay there.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This is one of my favorite verses. Christ has the power to change and transform us. His sacrifice on the cross made it possible for us to reconnect with our Father, despite our sin.
Salvation does not mean we are instantly mature, however. Just as a Christian alcoholic must take steps to address their addiction and a Christian who never finished high school might want to work hard to get their GED, so also our emotions may need some deliberate, focused attention. Sure God could just miraculously heal the brokenness from your past, but more than likely He will work through your efforts at wholeness—not salvation, but wholeness.
This is one of the greatest challenges within the Church—denying our history and thinking that this verse means we’re instantly cured of every dysfunction in our lives when we encounter Jesus. We grow into maturity, it doesn’t just happen.
So What?
Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is obviously impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
You can’t just love God. You have to love people, too. Loving God is more than reading the Bible, prayer, and church attendance. To obey is better than any sacrifice, and Jesus repeatedly taught us to love one another. Let’s face it, it’s relatively easy to love a loving God, but loving our enemies and neighbors is far different, especially since they are not perfect like Jesus!
As a church family, we are beta-testing some discipleship strategies. Jesus said to make disciples and we are very serious about not only making spiritual disciples but holistic disciples that are vibrant, healthy, and contagious (yes, I used health and contagious in the same sentence!).
What does an emotionally mature adult ultimately look like?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Jesus is our perfect example.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Does that describe you? If not, there is room for growth!
Jesus was the ultimate human being. He was the ultimate example of love. He was the most emotionally mature person to enter our world.
The amazing thing is that His power is alive and well through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God is able to reside inside you, not to instantly make you perfect, but to help you grow in all aspects of your life. Growth takes time. It takes intentionality. It takes effort. It takes surrender to God.
Perhaps you’ve had the fire and passion for God but you’ve grown complacent and comfortable. Maybe your next step this morning is to recommit your life to Christ, invite the Holy Spirit to live inside you, and give you the courage to confront your past and the strength to create a healthier, whole future.
Maybe today is the day of salvation, the day you begin your journey, the day you learn how to love, knowing that you are loved…by God and by our faith family.
Regardless of where you find yourself in the spiritual journey, I want to encourage you to take the next step forward, to know God more, to know love more, and to love God and others more. John said
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
Arguably the best way we can love others is by first reflecting upon how much we are loved by God. This is why time with God is so valuable.
If you get nothing else out of this morning, know you are loved. You are precious to God. You were created in His image with value, dignity, and worth. We all have days when we are not all that lovable, yet God still loves us. In the same way we are to love the unlovable, sharing God’s love we have received with others.
The measure of our maturity is not how many sermons we’ve sat through or how many Bible verses we’ve memorized. The real measure of our maturity is how well we love…God…and others.
I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to love others. It truly requires effort, sacrifice, and intentionality. We love God because He first loved us. We love others because He loves them. We are able to love when desperately seek God and His love.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
Children, Youth, and Fathers, 1 John 2:12-14, 4 May 2015
Big Idea: Spiritually mature disciples reproduce.
Scripture: 1 John 2:12-14
Introduction
Communication is a fascinating aspect of humanity. We are social creatures with the primal need to convey our thoughts, needs, feelings, and ideas.
Once upon a time we had only verbal and body language.
Hieroglyphic drawings came next.
Written words followed.
The advent of the telephone was a tremendous way to connect with distant people.
Paging, e-mail, and texting introduced new technologies for instant communication.
Today FaceTime, Skype, and other video apps allow face-to-face teleconferencing.
What’s next? Hologram is one emerging tool.
An unsolicited bit of advice: choose the appropriate form of communication for the appropriate message. Texting is great for a short grocery list, but don’t use it to break up with your girlfriend! If you really want your message to get noticed, buy a pen, a card, and a stamp and…write a note!
Writing
Every writer has a message and an audience. They are both critically important. Have you ever texted the wrong person? It can be embarrassing, especially if the note is personal or private.
We are studying a letter, the first epistle written by John, one of Jesus’ three best friends. In this fourth week of our series, Love Illuminated, John reveals his audience (plural).
At first glance it seems odd to include details about his recipients in the middle of the letter, yet the details reveal much about them.
Scripture: 1 John 2:12-14
I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. (12)
This phrase “little” children literally means “born ones.” Perhaps we could call them born again ones. This refers to all believers who have been forgiven by the precious blood of Jesus shed for us on on the cross, by His broken body which was pierced for us.
John continues…
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
Fathers here refers to mature saints who have known Jesus for many years. They know Him who is from the beginning—Jesus.
John began his gospel with these words:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. (John 1:1-2)
Fathers know Jesus. They know Him well.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one. (13)
It seems young men are more mature than children but not as mature as the fathers. They have faced temptation and won. This is immensely important today. Though it could be said of every generation, the world is filled with lies from the evil one that wants to steal, kill, and destroy.
What are some?
You need money, sex and power…now.
The first shall be first.
He who dies with the most toys wins.
It’s all about you.
John is acknowledging a group of young men who have chosen to live radical, counter-cultural lives. They don’t care what’s politically correct, but instead they live what’s biblically correct.
Now John goes back to the children.
I write to you, dear children,
because you know the Father. (14a)
These immature believers know they are children of God. They know their Daddy!
Now John seems to repeat himself somewhat.
I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning. (14b)
It does not say they know about God. John says mature believers know God. Paul said it this way:
I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
These verses are loaded! Suffice it to say if you truly want to know someone, walk in their shoes. Last month featured “Take Your Child To Work” day. Thousands of children skipped school to be with their mom or dad, watching and sometimes experiencing life in the real world.
It’s one thing for my son to know intellectually I am his father.
It’s another thing for my son to have met me.
It’s yet another thing for him to be told I work very part-time as a DJ.
It’s still another thing for him to watch me play music at a wedding reception.
It’s an even greater thing for him to work alongside me, entertaining guests.
It’s perhaps the greatest thing for him to live with me, watching me every day.
At each level, my relationship with him grows. He may even decide someday to take over my DJ business, following in my footsteps.
Knowing Jesus does not end at a worship gathering or a Life Group. It’s only the beginning.
We need the Word of God. It’s food. It’s daily bread. Most of us don’t eat weekly. We don’t even eat daily. We eat several times a day.
You can’t expect on meal to nourish you for seven days!
Do you know Jesus? Do you live with Jesus? Do you do life with Jesus?
John continues…
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one. (14c)
The strong overcome the evil one by the word of God, it’s the only weapon of offense, the sword of the Spirit. Many aren’t in the word of God, but we need it if we are to grow strong.
Summary
John is writing to three groups of people.
I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. (12)
because you know the Father.
They know God the Father.
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
because you know him who is from the beginning.
They know God.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one. (13)
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one. (14)
They are strong, they have overcome the evil one, the word of God lives in them.
So What?
Are you a child, a young man, or a father? Many overestimate where they are on their journey, thinking because they have great biblical knowledge they are mature believers. The Pharisees were just such a people. Their minds were full but their heads were big. Their hands were idle. Their hearts were hard.
Jesus said we are to come to Him like little children…and grow…looking increasing like Him.
As we said previously, God’s love language is obedience. If we love Him, we will do what He commands. Most Christians—including myself—are educated far beyond our level of obedience.
There’s a great verse in the book of Ezra that describes a spiritual father. It says
For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the LORD, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel. (Ezra 7:10)
He studied God’s Word. That’s the first step. Children read books.
He observed or practiced the commands of God. That’s what young men do, they are strong and they obey God.
Finally, he taught God’s Word. Some of this may have been in a classroom, but likely it involved modeling…discipleship…reproduction.
Who Are You?
Are you a spiritual child, young adult, or parent? It has nothing to do with your physical age. In fact, it has nothing to do with your spiritual age. There are people who have called themselves Christians for decades who disobey God habitually. None of us is perfect, but we choose to repent or repeat our sins.
Maybe you feel pretty good about your life and actions. You have a heart for God, spend time in pray and studying God’s Word each day. Keep it up! I want to challenge you: who are your disciples? To whom are you a spiritual father or mother? Do they know?!
Parents have kids. We are all commanded to have spiritual kids, disciples.
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)
There’s only one verb in verse 19: make. Spiritual parents make disciples. They intentionally invest their lives in others. They do life together with them. By definition they parent them spiritually.
You don’t have to be old to be a spiritual parent; you simply need to help another grow, help them take their next steps.
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
Scripture: 1 John 2:12-14
Introduction
Communication is a fascinating aspect of humanity. We are social creatures with the primal need to convey our thoughts, needs, feelings, and ideas.
Once upon a time we had only verbal and body language.
Hieroglyphic drawings came next.
Written words followed.
The advent of the telephone was a tremendous way to connect with distant people.
Paging, e-mail, and texting introduced new technologies for instant communication.
Today FaceTime, Skype, and other video apps allow face-to-face teleconferencing.
What’s next? Hologram is one emerging tool.
An unsolicited bit of advice: choose the appropriate form of communication for the appropriate message. Texting is great for a short grocery list, but don’t use it to break up with your girlfriend! If you really want your message to get noticed, buy a pen, a card, and a stamp and…write a note!
Writing
Every writer has a message and an audience. They are both critically important. Have you ever texted the wrong person? It can be embarrassing, especially if the note is personal or private.
We are studying a letter, the first epistle written by John, one of Jesus’ three best friends. In this fourth week of our series, Love Illuminated, John reveals his audience (plural).
At first glance it seems odd to include details about his recipients in the middle of the letter, yet the details reveal much about them.
Scripture: 1 John 2:12-14
I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. (12)
This phrase “little” children literally means “born ones.” Perhaps we could call them born again ones. This refers to all believers who have been forgiven by the precious blood of Jesus shed for us on on the cross, by His broken body which was pierced for us.
John continues…
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
Fathers here refers to mature saints who have known Jesus for many years. They know Him who is from the beginning—Jesus.
John began his gospel with these words:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. (John 1:1-2)
Fathers know Jesus. They know Him well.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one. (13)
It seems young men are more mature than children but not as mature as the fathers. They have faced temptation and won. This is immensely important today. Though it could be said of every generation, the world is filled with lies from the evil one that wants to steal, kill, and destroy.
What are some?
You need money, sex and power…now.
The first shall be first.
He who dies with the most toys wins.
It’s all about you.
John is acknowledging a group of young men who have chosen to live radical, counter-cultural lives. They don’t care what’s politically correct, but instead they live what’s biblically correct.
Now John goes back to the children.
I write to you, dear children,
because you know the Father. (14a)
These immature believers know they are children of God. They know their Daddy!
Now John seems to repeat himself somewhat.
I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning. (14b)
It does not say they know about God. John says mature believers know God. Paul said it this way:
I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)
These verses are loaded! Suffice it to say if you truly want to know someone, walk in their shoes. Last month featured “Take Your Child To Work” day. Thousands of children skipped school to be with their mom or dad, watching and sometimes experiencing life in the real world.
It’s one thing for my son to know intellectually I am his father.
It’s another thing for my son to have met me.
It’s yet another thing for him to be told I work very part-time as a DJ.
It’s still another thing for him to watch me play music at a wedding reception.
It’s an even greater thing for him to work alongside me, entertaining guests.
It’s perhaps the greatest thing for him to live with me, watching me every day.
At each level, my relationship with him grows. He may even decide someday to take over my DJ business, following in my footsteps.
Knowing Jesus does not end at a worship gathering or a Life Group. It’s only the beginning.
We need the Word of God. It’s food. It’s daily bread. Most of us don’t eat weekly. We don’t even eat daily. We eat several times a day.
You can’t expect on meal to nourish you for seven days!
Do you know Jesus? Do you live with Jesus? Do you do life with Jesus?
John continues…
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one. (14c)
The strong overcome the evil one by the word of God, it’s the only weapon of offense, the sword of the Spirit. Many aren’t in the word of God, but we need it if we are to grow strong.
Summary
John is writing to three groups of people.
I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. (12)
because you know the Father.
They know God the Father.
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
because you know him who is from the beginning.
They know God.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one. (13)
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one. (14)
They are strong, they have overcome the evil one, the word of God lives in them.
So What?
Are you a child, a young man, or a father? Many overestimate where they are on their journey, thinking because they have great biblical knowledge they are mature believers. The Pharisees were just such a people. Their minds were full but their heads were big. Their hands were idle. Their hearts were hard.
Jesus said we are to come to Him like little children…and grow…looking increasing like Him.
As we said previously, God’s love language is obedience. If we love Him, we will do what He commands. Most Christians—including myself—are educated far beyond our level of obedience.
There’s a great verse in the book of Ezra that describes a spiritual father. It says
For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the LORD, and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel. (Ezra 7:10)
He studied God’s Word. That’s the first step. Children read books.
He observed or practiced the commands of God. That’s what young men do, they are strong and they obey God.
Finally, he taught God’s Word. Some of this may have been in a classroom, but likely it involved modeling…discipleship…reproduction.
Who Are You?
Are you a spiritual child, young adult, or parent? It has nothing to do with your physical age. In fact, it has nothing to do with your spiritual age. There are people who have called themselves Christians for decades who disobey God habitually. None of us is perfect, but we choose to repent or repeat our sins.
Maybe you feel pretty good about your life and actions. You have a heart for God, spend time in pray and studying God’s Word each day. Keep it up! I want to challenge you: who are your disciples? To whom are you a spiritual father or mother? Do they know?!
Parents have kids. We are all commanded to have spiritual kids, disciples.
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)
There’s only one verb in verse 19: make. Spiritual parents make disciples. They intentionally invest their lives in others. They do life together with them. By definition they parent them spiritually.
You don’t have to be old to be a spiritual parent; you simply need to help another grow, help them take their next steps.
You can listen to this message and others at the Scio podcast here. You can also subscribe to our podcast here.
Grow Into An Emotionally Mature Adult, 12 February 2012
12 02 12 Filed in: Sermons | Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Theme
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult.
Love
What is love?
Martin Buber has said that as we become emotionally mature, we experience each person as sacred (including ourselves), viewing them as a “Thou” and not “it.”
Loving well is the goal of the Christian life.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Luke 10:25)
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:26)
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:30-35)
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” (Luke 10:36)
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:37)
Different Parts/Components of Who We Are
Emotional
Physical
Intellectual
Social
Spiritual
Becoming a follower of Jesus does not instantly transform every area of our lives.
Two Myths
1. When I accept Christ and He comes to live inside me, growing into an emotionally mature adult is natural.
2. Christian’s ability to love those around them is qualitatively different than those outside the church.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Infant
-- feels a need, but can only cry
-- must wait for parents to figure it out
-- becomes angry if parent is inattentive
Child
-- can communicate but still dependent on others
-- acts out feelings of pain, fear and resentment
-- lacks skill to openly discuss and negotiate getting needs met
Adolescent
-- rebels against parental authority
-- defines self in reaction to others, fears being treated as “child”
-- “don’t tell me what to do”
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding,
appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult
1. Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
2. Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
3. Able to listen with empathy.
4. Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
5. Respects others without having to change them.
6. Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
7. Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
God’s Top Two
There are two primary commands in Scripture
a. love God
b. love others
Neighbor
The key question in the story involves the definition of one’s neighbor. Most people seek good neighbors when they move into a house. We want to be surrounded by people who are nice and safe. It obvious that the expert in the law had a narrow definition of neighbor. The biblical command was simple:
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:18)
The Hebrew word is “rea” which means neighbor, friend, companion, or associate.
Jesus blows his mind with His definition of neighbor, the central argument of the story.
The Good Samaritan
The road traveled in this story descends about 3300 feet over a seventeen-mile path through desert and rocky country. Jericho was home to many religious leaders. Why did the priest and Levite walk on the other side of the road? Have you ever done such a thing to another person, not literally, perhaps, but figuratively?
The priest and the Levite have disconnected loving God and loving others. They knew the Bible and paraded religion, but their hearts were hard. They passed by.
The Samaritan takes pity. He is moved. The real scandal of this story is that Samaritans were viewed as second-class citizens by the Jews. The Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs.
Who do you hate? Who do you know that is going to Hell?
The Samaritan is moved with deep compassion and he responds. Jesus tells us to “go and do likewise.”
Note that the Samaritan has enough self-awareness and self-respect to continue his own journey, yet still manages to serve the man in need. He delegates some of the care but provides the resources. We are all given many resources—time, talents, treasures, relationships—that can be leveraged to serve others.
Perspective
You and I are the person on the side of the road and Jesus is the One who had mercy on us, forgave us, gave His life for us, and rescued us. We are here by the grace of God.
Two Applications:
1. Become aware of your family of origin’s capability for emotional connection
Many families invested in our education, physical health, or even spiritual knowledge. Many fail to invest in our emotional maturity. Can you recall being comforted as a child after a time of emotional distress? Think of a time when one of your parents/caregivers comforted you when you were really upset, scared or sad for some reason?
The goal is not to find fault with our parents, but to ruthlessly face the truth of our upbringing in order to deal with issues from our past.
1. Did you learn to trust?
2. Did you learn to respect others?
3. Did you learn to wait and to take turns?
4. Did your parents/caregivers understand your behavior?
5. Were your feelings allowed?
6. Were you allowed to be the child?
7. Did you learn independence and dependence?
2. Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
“Being listened to is so close to feeling loved that for the average person they are indistinguishable.” -David Augsburger
We need to practice the presence of God (see book by Brother Lawrence) and practice the presence of people.
We are born sinful and selfish, but when we die to ourselves and allow Jesus Christ to live in and through us, we are able to love others the way Jesus loves us.
Paul said,
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Fill In The Blank
I really appreciate ______________.
I really hope _________________.
Questions for Discussion
What does this text tell us about God?
What does this text tell us about ourselves?
Who do you love? Who do you hate?
How is it possible that we can love God and not our neighbor? Or is it possible?
Do you use people to get things or use things to serve people?
What would it look like for you to treat every human being as a “Thou,” created in God’s image with dignity, value and worth?
How would our world be different if everyone loved their neighbor?
Do you treat people differently on their birthday? What if you treated everyone as if every day was their birthday?
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea
The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult.
Love
What is love?
Martin Buber has said that as we become emotionally mature, we experience each person as sacred (including ourselves), viewing them as a “Thou” and not “it.”
Loving well is the goal of the Christian life.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Luke 10:25)
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:26)
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:30-35)
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” (Luke 10:36)
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:37)
Different Parts/Components of Who We Are
Emotional
Physical
Intellectual
Social
Spiritual
Becoming a follower of Jesus does not instantly transform every area of our lives.
Two Myths
1. When I accept Christ and He comes to live inside me, growing into an emotionally mature adult is natural.
2. Christian’s ability to love those around them is qualitatively different than those outside the church.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Infant
-- feels a need, but can only cry
-- must wait for parents to figure it out
-- becomes angry if parent is inattentive
Child
-- can communicate but still dependent on others
-- acts out feelings of pain, fear and resentment
-- lacks skill to openly discuss and negotiate getting needs met
Adolescent
-- rebels against parental authority
-- defines self in reaction to others, fears being treated as “child”
-- “don’t tell me what to do”
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding,
appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult
1. Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
2. Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
3. Able to listen with empathy.
4. Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
5. Respects others without having to change them.
6. Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
7. Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
God’s Top Two
There are two primary commands in Scripture
a. love God
b. love others
Neighbor
The key question in the story involves the definition of one’s neighbor. Most people seek good neighbors when they move into a house. We want to be surrounded by people who are nice and safe. It obvious that the expert in the law had a narrow definition of neighbor. The biblical command was simple:
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:18)
The Hebrew word is “rea” which means neighbor, friend, companion, or associate.
Jesus blows his mind with His definition of neighbor, the central argument of the story.
The Good Samaritan
The road traveled in this story descends about 3300 feet over a seventeen-mile path through desert and rocky country. Jericho was home to many religious leaders. Why did the priest and Levite walk on the other side of the road? Have you ever done such a thing to another person, not literally, perhaps, but figuratively?
The priest and the Levite have disconnected loving God and loving others. They knew the Bible and paraded religion, but their hearts were hard. They passed by.
The Samaritan takes pity. He is moved. The real scandal of this story is that Samaritans were viewed as second-class citizens by the Jews. The Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs.
Who do you hate? Who do you know that is going to Hell?
The Samaritan is moved with deep compassion and he responds. Jesus tells us to “go and do likewise.”
Note that the Samaritan has enough self-awareness and self-respect to continue his own journey, yet still manages to serve the man in need. He delegates some of the care but provides the resources. We are all given many resources—time, talents, treasures, relationships—that can be leveraged to serve others.
Perspective
You and I are the person on the side of the road and Jesus is the One who had mercy on us, forgave us, gave His life for us, and rescued us. We are here by the grace of God.
Two Applications:
1. Become aware of your family of origin’s capability for emotional connection
Many families invested in our education, physical health, or even spiritual knowledge. Many fail to invest in our emotional maturity. Can you recall being comforted as a child after a time of emotional distress? Think of a time when one of your parents/caregivers comforted you when you were really upset, scared or sad for some reason?
The goal is not to find fault with our parents, but to ruthlessly face the truth of our upbringing in order to deal with issues from our past.
1. Did you learn to trust?
2. Did you learn to respect others?
3. Did you learn to wait and to take turns?
4. Did your parents/caregivers understand your behavior?
5. Were your feelings allowed?
6. Were you allowed to be the child?
7. Did you learn independence and dependence?
2. Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
“Being listened to is so close to feeling loved that for the average person they are indistinguishable.” -David Augsburger
We need to practice the presence of God (see book by Brother Lawrence) and practice the presence of people.
We are born sinful and selfish, but when we die to ourselves and allow Jesus Christ to live in and through us, we are able to love others the way Jesus loves us.
Paul said,
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Fill In The Blank
I really appreciate ______________.
I really hope _________________.
Questions for Discussion
What does this text tell us about God?
What does this text tell us about ourselves?
Who do you love? Who do you hate?
How is it possible that we can love God and not our neighbor? Or is it possible?
Do you use people to get things or use things to serve people?
What would it look like for you to treat every human being as a “Thou,” created in God’s image with dignity, value and worth?
How would our world be different if everyone loved their neighbor?
Do you treat people differently on their birthday? What if you treated everyone as if every day was their birthday?
You can listen to the podcast here.
Note: many ideas derived from Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituailty.
Trials, 10 July 2011
Big Idea: Trials are meant to help us grow, not harm us.
James
First, it was written by...James! That may seem obvious, but many New Testament books are named after their recipient, not their author. In fact, most of Paul’s writings such as Titus and Ephesians, were written to a man named Titus and a church in the city of Ephesus.
James is the author, believed by most to be Jesus’ half-brother. Imagine the sibling rivalry in that family! Actually, James was skeptical of the deity claims made by Jesus and later in life became a devoted follower.
James is probably the earliest of the New Testament writings. Where Paul wrote about inner saving faith from God’s perspective, James wrote about outward saving faith from the perspective of man.
I love the book of James because it is very practical and easy to understand, though challenging to completely obey. Many biblical books are written to a particular person or group in response to a particular situation. Therefore, we can’t just read and apply without understanding the context. James, however, begins with a very clear and broad audience.
The early church was the recipient, those Christians in churches around the world. In other words, James writes universal truths that are essentially for all people. It was clearly written for public reading as a sermon and authoritative. In fact, there is, on average, a call for action in every other verse in the book! It is both passionate and picturesque with rich metaphors, similes, and dozens of references to Nature.
He begins...
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings. (1:1)
Here we see that he is clearly a Christ-follower. He was a well-known, authoritative figure in the early Church. He actually led the church in Jerusalem (Acts 15). He calls himself simply a servant, the Greek word “doulos” meaning a bond-slave. He was God’s property.
He is writing to the twelve tribes, a reference to the Jews that were scattered from their homeland among the Gentiles.
He then writes, “Greetings.” He is obviously a friendly man!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, (1:2)
Wait a minute! Did we read that correctly?
Did he write joy and trials in the same sentence? Are you kidding me? If you’re like me, you do everything to avoid trials. My flesh wants life to safe, comfortable, and convenient. I want things to go smoothly. Any unexpected interruption to my life is not a joy but a pain in the rear end! Trials in my life are met with groans and complaints.
Do you know what I mean? Perhaps that is why James needed to write these words!
The Greek word for trial here is peirasmo/ß, peirasmos, It means trial or temptation or test.
How many of you like to take tests in school? If you’re like me, there have been one or two tests that you actually looked forward to taking, the ones you studied hard for and felt confident and prepared. The purpose of a test is not to be a hardship or reveal your stupidity, but to show what you know. A test is given to see if a student can pass, not pass out! Trials are not to be seen as tribulations but tests. Our attitude is critical in the midst of trials.
James does not say to be happy, but to be joyful. He doesn’t say to be joyful for the trials, but in the midst of trials.
How do we find joy in trials?
...because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (1:3-4)
Tests have a purpose. If you pass your third-grade tests, you demonstrate your readiness for fourth-grade. If you pass the bar exam, you prove that you can be an attorney. James reminds us that endurance is one product of trials. James’ readers know this (notice “because you know”) but I’m afraid we’re not so quick to think about the benefits of trials in our culture. Athletes might be the exception.
No pain, no gain.
In this case, the testing is not done to prove our faith but to approve it. We develop endurance, but the goal is to be mature and complete. I think we all want to be complete, but it doesn’t just happen. Even physical maturity requires growing pains. It’s all part of God’s plan for our lives. He wants us to grow and mature and becoming complete in Him so He allows trials and testing to accomplish His purposes.
“But wait,” you might say, “I thought God loves me.” He absolutely does. Love is looking out for the best interest of another. He wants you to grow, become strong, and be a blessing to others.
Five years ago if you told me about your trials, I would’ve done my best to be kind and understanding, but I had no idea what real testing was all about. Through several events in the past few years, I have a completely different perspective. I know suffering. I know testing. It has changed me. It has transformed me. I’d like to think that I’m done, but I know there are more trials ahead.
Friends, you are either in a trial, coming out of a trial, or about to experience one. Don’t face that as bad news. It’s all part of God’s plan to make you more like Jesus, the One who faced the ultimate trials and testing.
Gold
The testing of our faith produces patience and perseverance. Faith is like gold. Gold endures no matter how hot the fire. Peter—who understood trials as did all of the early church leaders, most of whom died as martyrs, wrote
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:6-7)
When gold is heated, the impurities rise to the surface. The metal worker cannot take their eyes off of the gold, knowing that it is pure when they can see their face reflected in it. That’s what God does. He refines us through trials until all that is seen in us is Jesus.
Let me pause for a moment and say that there are two types of trials—those that come to us and those that are self-inflicted. I’m always amazed when I hear of teenage girls that say, “God, how could you allow me to get pregnant” or the person angry at God because they got caught speeding or stealing. Our actions have consequences. There are other things, however, like tsunamis, diseases, and the drunk driving of others over which we have no control.
We can face trials with joy because it will mature us and our faith to the point where we lack nothing.
But that’s easier said than done, right? How?! Fortunately, James continues….
Wisdom
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (1:5)
Wisdom is not merely knowledge but the application of knowledge. Do you seek wisdom?
King Solomon had an Aladdin experience. He was given one wish from God.
That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.” (2 Chronicles 1:7)
Solomon said
Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?”
God said to Solomon, “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have.” (2 Chronicles 1:10-12)
What does this verse promise us about asking for wisdom? God gives it generously to those who ask.
My greatest prayer is for wisdom. I pray daily for God to give me wisdom as I seek to lead my family, Scio, and most of all myself!
Keep in mind that the context of this request is in the midst of trials. If you’ve ever asked “why?” you have sought Godly wisdom to understand your situation. God loves it when we ask for wisdom. He loves to hear us pour out our hearts. He loves honest, authentic prayers.
Perhaps you’ve been told that there are certain things that appropriate to tell God. He knows it all! Keep it real! He can handle the truth!
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. (1:6-8)
We must seek God and His wisdom in faith. One writer says that our answer from God depends upon our assurance in God.
I can tell you from experience that God can be trusted. He is love. Following Jesus doesn’t mean life will always be easy, but it will be satisfying. It will be filled with purpose. It will contain hope and meaning.
If you’re in the midst of a trial right now, I want to remind you that God is real. God cares. It might not feel like it, but I promise you that He does. I often think about a child at the doctor’s getting immunizations. Love is the last thing that they feel, yet the shots are actually the most loving thing a parent to can allow, providing endurance and strength to avoid devastating diseases.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
We may experience hurt that God allows to shape us but never harm. There is one that wants to harm us, though.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)
The Rich
How many of you are rich? Compared to the rest of the world, the poorest in this room are filthy rich.
If you make $25,000/year, you are in the top 10% richest on the planet!
If you make $50,000/year, you are in the top 1% richest on the planet!
Of course, rich does not always refer to finances. We can be rich in health, friends, or spirit. James continues…
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. (1:9-11)
Most of the Jewish converts were poor and perhaps considered their lowly position a hindrance in enduring trials. James reminds them that God honors the persistence of even the lowliest of people. The rich, on the other hand, are trusting in their riches which will whither and fade away. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (1:12)
And everybody said…amen!
To summarize,
James
First, it was written by...James! That may seem obvious, but many New Testament books are named after their recipient, not their author. In fact, most of Paul’s writings such as Titus and Ephesians, were written to a man named Titus and a church in the city of Ephesus.
James is the author, believed by most to be Jesus’ half-brother. Imagine the sibling rivalry in that family! Actually, James was skeptical of the deity claims made by Jesus and later in life became a devoted follower.
James is probably the earliest of the New Testament writings. Where Paul wrote about inner saving faith from God’s perspective, James wrote about outward saving faith from the perspective of man.
I love the book of James because it is very practical and easy to understand, though challenging to completely obey. Many biblical books are written to a particular person or group in response to a particular situation. Therefore, we can’t just read and apply without understanding the context. James, however, begins with a very clear and broad audience.
The early church was the recipient, those Christians in churches around the world. In other words, James writes universal truths that are essentially for all people. It was clearly written for public reading as a sermon and authoritative. In fact, there is, on average, a call for action in every other verse in the book! It is both passionate and picturesque with rich metaphors, similes, and dozens of references to Nature.
He begins...
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings. (1:1)
Here we see that he is clearly a Christ-follower. He was a well-known, authoritative figure in the early Church. He actually led the church in Jerusalem (Acts 15). He calls himself simply a servant, the Greek word “doulos” meaning a bond-slave. He was God’s property.
He is writing to the twelve tribes, a reference to the Jews that were scattered from their homeland among the Gentiles.
He then writes, “Greetings.” He is obviously a friendly man!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, (1:2)
Wait a minute! Did we read that correctly?
Did he write joy and trials in the same sentence? Are you kidding me? If you’re like me, you do everything to avoid trials. My flesh wants life to safe, comfortable, and convenient. I want things to go smoothly. Any unexpected interruption to my life is not a joy but a pain in the rear end! Trials in my life are met with groans and complaints.
Do you know what I mean? Perhaps that is why James needed to write these words!
The Greek word for trial here is peirasmo/ß, peirasmos, It means trial or temptation or test.
How many of you like to take tests in school? If you’re like me, there have been one or two tests that you actually looked forward to taking, the ones you studied hard for and felt confident and prepared. The purpose of a test is not to be a hardship or reveal your stupidity, but to show what you know. A test is given to see if a student can pass, not pass out! Trials are not to be seen as tribulations but tests. Our attitude is critical in the midst of trials.
James does not say to be happy, but to be joyful. He doesn’t say to be joyful for the trials, but in the midst of trials.
How do we find joy in trials?
...because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (1:3-4)
Tests have a purpose. If you pass your third-grade tests, you demonstrate your readiness for fourth-grade. If you pass the bar exam, you prove that you can be an attorney. James reminds us that endurance is one product of trials. James’ readers know this (notice “because you know”) but I’m afraid we’re not so quick to think about the benefits of trials in our culture. Athletes might be the exception.
No pain, no gain.
In this case, the testing is not done to prove our faith but to approve it. We develop endurance, but the goal is to be mature and complete. I think we all want to be complete, but it doesn’t just happen. Even physical maturity requires growing pains. It’s all part of God’s plan for our lives. He wants us to grow and mature and becoming complete in Him so He allows trials and testing to accomplish His purposes.
“But wait,” you might say, “I thought God loves me.” He absolutely does. Love is looking out for the best interest of another. He wants you to grow, become strong, and be a blessing to others.
Five years ago if you told me about your trials, I would’ve done my best to be kind and understanding, but I had no idea what real testing was all about. Through several events in the past few years, I have a completely different perspective. I know suffering. I know testing. It has changed me. It has transformed me. I’d like to think that I’m done, but I know there are more trials ahead.
Friends, you are either in a trial, coming out of a trial, or about to experience one. Don’t face that as bad news. It’s all part of God’s plan to make you more like Jesus, the One who faced the ultimate trials and testing.
Gold
The testing of our faith produces patience and perseverance. Faith is like gold. Gold endures no matter how hot the fire. Peter—who understood trials as did all of the early church leaders, most of whom died as martyrs, wrote
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:6-7)
When gold is heated, the impurities rise to the surface. The metal worker cannot take their eyes off of the gold, knowing that it is pure when they can see their face reflected in it. That’s what God does. He refines us through trials until all that is seen in us is Jesus.
Let me pause for a moment and say that there are two types of trials—those that come to us and those that are self-inflicted. I’m always amazed when I hear of teenage girls that say, “God, how could you allow me to get pregnant” or the person angry at God because they got caught speeding or stealing. Our actions have consequences. There are other things, however, like tsunamis, diseases, and the drunk driving of others over which we have no control.
We can face trials with joy because it will mature us and our faith to the point where we lack nothing.
But that’s easier said than done, right? How?! Fortunately, James continues….
Wisdom
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (1:5)
Wisdom is not merely knowledge but the application of knowledge. Do you seek wisdom?
King Solomon had an Aladdin experience. He was given one wish from God.
That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.” (2 Chronicles 1:7)
Solomon said
Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?”
God said to Solomon, “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have.” (2 Chronicles 1:10-12)
What does this verse promise us about asking for wisdom? God gives it generously to those who ask.
My greatest prayer is for wisdom. I pray daily for God to give me wisdom as I seek to lead my family, Scio, and most of all myself!
Keep in mind that the context of this request is in the midst of trials. If you’ve ever asked “why?” you have sought Godly wisdom to understand your situation. God loves it when we ask for wisdom. He loves to hear us pour out our hearts. He loves honest, authentic prayers.
Perhaps you’ve been told that there are certain things that appropriate to tell God. He knows it all! Keep it real! He can handle the truth!
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. (1:6-8)
We must seek God and His wisdom in faith. One writer says that our answer from God depends upon our assurance in God.
I can tell you from experience that God can be trusted. He is love. Following Jesus doesn’t mean life will always be easy, but it will be satisfying. It will be filled with purpose. It will contain hope and meaning.
If you’re in the midst of a trial right now, I want to remind you that God is real. God cares. It might not feel like it, but I promise you that He does. I often think about a child at the doctor’s getting immunizations. Love is the last thing that they feel, yet the shots are actually the most loving thing a parent to can allow, providing endurance and strength to avoid devastating diseases.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
We may experience hurt that God allows to shape us but never harm. There is one that wants to harm us, though.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)
The Rich
How many of you are rich? Compared to the rest of the world, the poorest in this room are filthy rich.
If you make $25,000/year, you are in the top 10% richest on the planet!
If you make $50,000/year, you are in the top 1% richest on the planet!
Of course, rich does not always refer to finances. We can be rich in health, friends, or spirit. James continues…
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. (1:9-11)
Most of the Jewish converts were poor and perhaps considered their lowly position a hindrance in enduring trials. James reminds them that God honors the persistence of even the lowliest of people. The rich, on the other hand, are trusting in their riches which will whither and fade away. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (1:12)
And everybody said…amen!
To summarize,
- - trials DO arrive in our lives
- - our attitude is critical, seeking joy and God
- - God is not out to harm us, though we may hurt
- - we can ask for wisdom when we ask “why?” during trials
- - we will be blessed by enduring trials and transformed through them