Grow into an Emotionally Mature Adult, 29 May 2016
Grow into an Emotionally Mature Adult
Series: Go Deeper
Luke 10:25-37
Series Theme “Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea: The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult…to love.
Introduction
We’re nearing the end of our series Go Deeper. The purpose of the series is to get real—with God, others, and ourselves—in order to better love God and others. Many live in denial about their past, their struggles, their sins, and their pain.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero.
Two weeks ago we talked about the rhythms of the Daily Office and a weekly Sabbath. If you’ve been experimenting with praying throughout the day and/or a designated day of rest, I’d love to hear about it. If not, I challenge you to pursue God in fresh ways and prioritize one, “unproductive” day of the week to rest, recharge, and renew.
Today’s topic is growing into an emotionally mature adult. Many people confuse age with maturity. Just as the phrase “older and wiser” is not always true, so also “older and mature” is not necessarily reality. No matter how old you are, there is room for growth and maturity. Our ultimate goal is to look like Jesus.
Many people overestimate their maturity. Specifically, they believe because they’ve attended a lot of church services and Bible studies they’re mature. Most people I know are educated beyond their level of obedience—including me!
Maturity requires more than great faith, sacrificing your body, giving everything you have to the poor, having great knowledge, and speaking multiple languages (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
In the Church, many mistakenly believe that if they have spent decades attending a church gathering on Sundays, they will automatically become spiritual giants. Not long ago a local pastor mentioned how he is so frustrated by several senior citizens in his congregation that think they’re mature, yet they are mean-spirited, selfish, grumpy, and lack joy and the most important of all love.
Love
Few words are more misunderstood in our culture than love. Love is a feeling. I love ice cream and roller coasters. People say they fall into love and fall out of love.
Years ago I saw a group from the UK called The Waterboys. They have a song in which they declare love “lives in the girl in the swing.” Deep!
I remember a man telling me he had fallen in love with a woman, or so he thought. He wrestled with this question of defining love. He wisely turned to the Bible and discovered the answer in the book of 1 John.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1John 4:16)
God is love. Love is God. He is the definition of love!
Many of you know John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
1 John 3:16 is similar.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16)
The original Greek in the Bible uses three different words to describe three different types of love.
One of the most famous of Jesus’ stories is often called The Good Samarian.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:25-26)
Jesus loved to answer questions with questions!
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
These two commands were known by every Jew, found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
Love God. Love your neighbor. So simple. That’s it. That’s why we’re here. That’s what First Alliance is all about…just two things: love God, love your neighbor. Simple. But so challenging…especially if your neighbor is…uh, unlovable!
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
This man thought he was mature. He thought because he was an expert in the law he’d pass any morality exam with flying colors. He should’ve just walked away, but instead he tried to “justify himself.”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. (Luke 10:30)
The journey from Jerusalem to Jericho is about 17 miles long with a descent of about 3000 feet. It was a dangerous road, frequently filled with robbers who hid along the steep, winding path.
A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. (Luke 10:31-32)
These two respected, religious, supposedly loving men ignore the victim of violence. Most likely the victim, priest, and Levite were all Jews. They studied what is known as the Torah, the first part of our Bible. It would make sense to help a brother in the faith, yet the two men were too busy or proud to be inconvenienced.
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. (Luke 10:33)
It’s nearly impossible for us to understand the hatred of Samarians by the Jews. Samaritans were a mixed race of Jew and Gentile. The Jewish Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs, something so offensive I can’t come up with a modern-day equivalent!
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:34-35)
The Levite was religious. He had probably memorized the first five books of the Bible! He had likely given sermons on loving others.
Notice that this hated Samaritan loves, yet his love has appropriate boundaries. He doesn’t completely abandon his plans, but he seeks help, delegates to the innkeeper, and resumes his scheduled activities. He is generous. He loves.
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37)
The essence of true Christian spirituality is love. This is not the feeling of love. It’s the commitment to seek the best interest of another, regardless of who they are, the color of their skin, the accent in their language, the clothes on their body, their age, religion, or gender.
But love cannot just be in our head. It has to be in our heart and hands. One of Jesus’ three best friends said
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? (1 John 3:17)
John narrows his focus to brothers or sisters, but Jesus says to love one’s neighbor, which is essentially anyone and everyone.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Loving your neighbor may mean caring for their physical needs in a moment of crisis, but most often it has to do with our day-to-day relationships with those we encounter at home, work, school, or in the marketplace. Just as infants grow physically into adults, so also emotional infants can become children, adolescents, and adults. Look at these examples:
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding, appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult as Emotional Adult
-- Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
-- Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
-- Able to listen with empathy.
-- Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
-- Respects others without having to change them.
-- Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
-- Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
The problem is that we live with us in the center of our universe. The Good News is that we don’t have to stay there.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This is one of my favorite verses. Christ has the power to change and transform us. His sacrifice on the cross made it possible for us to reconnect with our Father, despite our sin.
Salvation does not mean we are instantly mature, however. Just as a Christian alcoholic must take steps to address their addiction and a Christian who never finished high school might want to work hard to get their GED, so also our emotions may need some deliberate, focused attention. Sure God could just miraculously heal the brokenness from your past, but more than likely He will work through your efforts at wholeness—not salvation, but wholeness.
This is one of the greatest challenges within the Church—denying our history and thinking that this verse means we’re instantly cured of every dysfunction in our lives when we encounter Jesus. We grow into maturity, it doesn’t just happen.
So What?
Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is obviously impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
You can’t just love God. You have to love people, too. Loving God is more than reading the Bible, prayer, and church attendance. To obey is better than any sacrifice, and Jesus repeatedly taught us to love one another. Let’s face it, it’s relatively easy to love a loving God, but loving our enemies and neighbors is far different, especially since they are not perfect like Jesus!
As a church family, we are beta-testing some discipleship strategies. Jesus said to make disciples and we are very serious about not only making spiritual disciples but holistic disciples that are vibrant, healthy, and contagious (yes, I used health and contagious in the same sentence!).
What does an emotionally mature adult ultimately look like?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Jesus is our perfect example.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Does that describe you? If not, there is room for growth!
Jesus was the ultimate human being. He was the ultimate example of love. He was the most emotionally mature person to enter our world.
The amazing thing is that His power is alive and well through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God is able to reside inside you, not to instantly make you perfect, but to help you grow in all aspects of your life. Growth takes time. It takes intentionality. It takes effort. It takes surrender to God.
Perhaps you’ve had the fire and passion for God but you’ve grown complacent and comfortable. Maybe your next step this morning is to recommit your life to Christ, invite the Holy Spirit to live inside you, and give you the courage to confront your past and the strength to create a healthier, whole future.
Maybe today is the day of salvation, the day you begin your journey, the day you learn how to love, knowing that you are loved…by God and by our faith family.
Regardless of where you find yourself in the spiritual journey, I want to encourage you to take the next step forward, to know God more, to know love more, and to love God and others more. John said
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
Arguably the best way we can love others is by first reflecting upon how much we are loved by God. This is why time with God is so valuable.
If you get nothing else out of this morning, know you are loved. You are precious to God. You were created in His image with value, dignity, and worth. We all have days when we are not all that lovable, yet God still loves us. In the same way we are to love the unlovable, sharing God’s love we have received with others.
The measure of our maturity is not how many sermons we’ve sat through or how many Bible verses we’ve memorized. The real measure of our maturity is how well we love…God…and others.
I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to love others. It truly requires effort, sacrifice, and intentionality. We love God because He first loved us. We love others because He loves them. We are able to love when desperately seek God and His love.
Credits and Stuff
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Series: Go Deeper
Luke 10:25-37
The Big Idea: The sixth pathway to emotionally healthy spirituality is to grow into an emotionally mature adult…to love.
Introduction
We’re nearing the end of our series Go Deeper. The purpose of the series is to get real—with God, others, and ourselves—in order to better love God and others. Many live in denial about their past, their struggles, their sins, and their pain.
“Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero.
Two weeks ago we talked about the rhythms of the Daily Office and a weekly Sabbath. If you’ve been experimenting with praying throughout the day and/or a designated day of rest, I’d love to hear about it. If not, I challenge you to pursue God in fresh ways and prioritize one, “unproductive” day of the week to rest, recharge, and renew.
Today’s topic is growing into an emotionally mature adult. Many people confuse age with maturity. Just as the phrase “older and wiser” is not always true, so also “older and mature” is not necessarily reality. No matter how old you are, there is room for growth and maturity. Our ultimate goal is to look like Jesus.
Many people overestimate their maturity. Specifically, they believe because they’ve attended a lot of church services and Bible studies they’re mature. Most people I know are educated beyond their level of obedience—including me!
Maturity requires more than great faith, sacrificing your body, giving everything you have to the poor, having great knowledge, and speaking multiple languages (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
In the Church, many mistakenly believe that if they have spent decades attending a church gathering on Sundays, they will automatically become spiritual giants. Not long ago a local pastor mentioned how he is so frustrated by several senior citizens in his congregation that think they’re mature, yet they are mean-spirited, selfish, grumpy, and lack joy and the most important of all love.
Love
Few words are more misunderstood in our culture than love. Love is a feeling. I love ice cream and roller coasters. People say they fall into love and fall out of love.
Years ago I saw a group from the UK called The Waterboys. They have a song in which they declare love “lives in the girl in the swing.” Deep!
I remember a man telling me he had fallen in love with a woman, or so he thought. He wrestled with this question of defining love. He wisely turned to the Bible and discovered the answer in the book of 1 John.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1John 4:16)
God is love. Love is God. He is the definition of love!
Many of you know John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
1 John 3:16 is similar.
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. (1 John 3:16)
The original Greek in the Bible uses three different words to describe three different types of love.
- - eros (ἔρως), passionate
- - philia (φιλία), friendship
- - agape (ἀγάπη), unconditional
One of the most famous of Jesus’ stories is often called The Good Samarian.
The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” (Luke 10:25-26)
Jesus loved to answer questions with questions!
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)
These two commands were known by every Jew, found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18.
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:28)
Love God. Love your neighbor. So simple. That’s it. That’s why we’re here. That’s what First Alliance is all about…just two things: love God, love your neighbor. Simple. But so challenging…especially if your neighbor is…uh, unlovable!
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29)
This man thought he was mature. He thought because he was an expert in the law he’d pass any morality exam with flying colors. He should’ve just walked away, but instead he tried to “justify himself.”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. (Luke 10:30)
The journey from Jerusalem to Jericho is about 17 miles long with a descent of about 3000 feet. It was a dangerous road, frequently filled with robbers who hid along the steep, winding path.
A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. (Luke 10:31-32)
These two respected, religious, supposedly loving men ignore the victim of violence. Most likely the victim, priest, and Levite were all Jews. They studied what is known as the Torah, the first part of our Bible. It would make sense to help a brother in the faith, yet the two men were too busy or proud to be inconvenienced.
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. (Luke 10:33)
It’s nearly impossible for us to understand the hatred of Samarians by the Jews. Samaritans were a mixed race of Jew and Gentile. The Jewish Talmud says that he who eats bread with a Samaritan is like the one who eats the flesh of pigs, something so offensive I can’t come up with a modern-day equivalent!
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:34-35)
The Levite was religious. He had probably memorized the first five books of the Bible! He had likely given sermons on loving others.
Notice that this hated Samaritan loves, yet his love has appropriate boundaries. He doesn’t completely abandon his plans, but he seeks help, delegates to the innkeeper, and resumes his scheduled activities. He is generous. He loves.
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37)
The essence of true Christian spirituality is love. This is not the feeling of love. It’s the commitment to seek the best interest of another, regardless of who they are, the color of their skin, the accent in their language, the clothes on their body, their age, religion, or gender.
But love cannot just be in our head. It has to be in our heart and hands. One of Jesus’ three best friends said
If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? (1 John 3:17)
John narrows his focus to brothers or sisters, but Jesus says to love one’s neighbor, which is essentially anyone and everyone.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity could be defined as loving well. Are you a good lover?
Loving your neighbor may mean caring for their physical needs in a moment of crisis, but most often it has to do with our day-to-day relationships with those we encounter at home, work, school, or in the marketplace. Just as infants grow physically into adults, so also emotional infants can become children, adolescents, and adults. Look at these examples:
Adult as Emotional Infant
-- treats others as “objects to meet my needs”
-- acts like tyrant and wins through intimidation
-- unable to empathize with others
Adult as Emotional Child
-- acts out resentment through distance, pouting, whining, clinging, lying, withholding, appeasing, lying.
-- does not openly and honestly express needs
Adult as Emotional Adolescent
-- cannot give without feeling controlled or resentful
-- capacity for mutual concern is missing
-- defensive, threatened by criticism
Adult as Emotional Adult
-- Able to ask for what they need, want, prefer – clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully.
-- Desire for relationships to win. Seeks win-win situations.
-- Able to listen with empathy.
-- Willing to risk saying what is needed without attacking.
-- Respects others without having to change them.
-- Able to resolve conflicts maturely and negotiate solutions.
-- Gives themselves and others room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
The problem is that we live with us in the center of our universe. The Good News is that we don’t have to stay there.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This is one of my favorite verses. Christ has the power to change and transform us. His sacrifice on the cross made it possible for us to reconnect with our Father, despite our sin.
Salvation does not mean we are instantly mature, however. Just as a Christian alcoholic must take steps to address their addiction and a Christian who never finished high school might want to work hard to get their GED, so also our emotions may need some deliberate, focused attention. Sure God could just miraculously heal the brokenness from your past, but more than likely He will work through your efforts at wholeness—not salvation, but wholeness.
This is one of the greatest challenges within the Church—denying our history and thinking that this verse means we’re instantly cured of every dysfunction in our lives when we encounter Jesus. We grow into maturity, it doesn’t just happen.
So What?
Take practical steps of discipleship to grow into an emotionally mature adult
It can be terrifying. Some of us do not even know how to feel. Where do we start?
We must follow the path of Abraham, leaving our pasts and families and cultures (the bad stuff) and turning to God. This is obviously impossible apart from God.
We must repent (turn away) from our past and then move forward.
If you want to run a marathon, you must train and build up to it over time. Becoming an emotionally healthy adult requires baby steps.
Discipleship is a lifelong journey. It is hard. It takes time. It is worth it!
The alternative is living your life as a prisoner of your past.
We should love the best because we are loved the best.
You can’t just love God. You have to love people, too. Loving God is more than reading the Bible, prayer, and church attendance. To obey is better than any sacrifice, and Jesus repeatedly taught us to love one another. Let’s face it, it’s relatively easy to love a loving God, but loving our enemies and neighbors is far different, especially since they are not perfect like Jesus!
As a church family, we are beta-testing some discipleship strategies. Jesus said to make disciples and we are very serious about not only making spiritual disciples but holistic disciples that are vibrant, healthy, and contagious (yes, I used health and contagious in the same sentence!).
What does an emotionally mature adult ultimately look like?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Jesus is our perfect example.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)
Does that describe you? If not, there is room for growth!
Jesus was the ultimate human being. He was the ultimate example of love. He was the most emotionally mature person to enter our world.
The amazing thing is that His power is alive and well through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God is able to reside inside you, not to instantly make you perfect, but to help you grow in all aspects of your life. Growth takes time. It takes intentionality. It takes effort. It takes surrender to God.
Perhaps you’ve had the fire and passion for God but you’ve grown complacent and comfortable. Maybe your next step this morning is to recommit your life to Christ, invite the Holy Spirit to live inside you, and give you the courage to confront your past and the strength to create a healthier, whole future.
Maybe today is the day of salvation, the day you begin your journey, the day you learn how to love, knowing that you are loved…by God and by our faith family.
Regardless of where you find yourself in the spiritual journey, I want to encourage you to take the next step forward, to know God more, to know love more, and to love God and others more. John said
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
Arguably the best way we can love others is by first reflecting upon how much we are loved by God. This is why time with God is so valuable.
If you get nothing else out of this morning, know you are loved. You are precious to God. You were created in His image with value, dignity, and worth. We all have days when we are not all that lovable, yet God still loves us. In the same way we are to love the unlovable, sharing God’s love we have received with others.
The measure of our maturity is not how many sermons we’ve sat through or how many Bible verses we’ve memorized. The real measure of our maturity is how well we love…God…and others.
I don’t know about you, but I often struggle to love others. It truly requires effort, sacrifice, and intentionality. We love God because He first loved us. We love others because He loves them. We are able to love when desperately seek God and His love.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).