Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality, 3 April 2016
The Problem of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality
Series: Go Deeper
1 Samuel 15:20-24
Series Theme “Emotional health and contemplative spirituality, when interwoven together, offer nothing short of a spiritual revolution, transforming the hidden places deep beneath the surface of our lives,” says author and pastor Pete Scazzero in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This series is based upon the biblical themes of Scazzero’s book in an effort to help us better understand ourselves in order to better love God and others.
The Big Idea: The life of King Saul provides us with a portrait of an emotionally unhealthy man. His example can be a warning for us all, driving us to our knees and dependence upon God as we strip away the illusions in our lives and get real with ourselves, God, and others.
Introduction
I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the church in the USA is in trouble today. Have you noticed? Of course you have. The statistics of church attendance, identification as followers of Jesus, Bible literacy, and a host of other metrics is in decline. Worse, those who remain in the church are not experiencing the abundant life we talked about last week (John 10:10). Many have made the tragic mistake of thinking if we just go to church and learn enough about the Bible we’ll be different. We’ll be transformed. We’ll look like Jesus.
Perhaps you’re tired…tired of church activities, empty promises of change…perhaps tired of Christians who talk about Jesus but look nothing like Him. Perhaps you’ve been longing not only for personal transformation but change in others who are judgmental, narrow-minded, or outright mean. Perhaps you’re burned out, disillusioned, and frustrated at your spiritual journey and/or that of others.
Maybe you completely disagree. You are encouraged about the new momentum here at First Alliance. You’re excited about what God is doing in and through our congregation. You can’t stop talking about God and His work here…but you hope it lasts. You don’t want this to be temporary, but a sustainable growth for our church and its members.
No matter your perspective, I believe one thing is true for all of us: we want to go deeper. We want to go deeper in our spiritual journey, our walk with Jesus, our relationships with friends, our trust in God, our love for the poor and least of these, our generosity, our peace, and our joy. We want to experience genuine growth. Next Easter we want to celebrate not only Jesus’ resurrection but our own, new life, new purpose. If that’s true for you, fasten your seatbelts as we begin an adventure together that just might change your life.
Several years ago I heard about a book called Emotionally Healthy Church. I was a bit nervous at first, thinking it might be a touch-feely psychological book. Finally I picked it up and was blown away by the vision it cast for a healthy, whole community of faith. Pete Scazzero—a pastor in Queens, NYC with not only C&MA roots but is now a professor at Nyack College—beautifully described this dream community, but left me wondering how to guide people into it.
His next book was Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and it offered the “how” behind the “what” of a healthy church. It was fresh. It offered insights I had never before heard, yet truths imbedded in the pages of scripture. The more I read, the more I was challenged.
I generally like to preach through books of the Bible. Sometimes I will teach a topic such as Palm Sunday or Advent, looking at various texts. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality had such potent, Bible-based content I went about using it as a guide for a sermon series years ago and the response was overwhelmingly positive. In fact, quickly realized the longer someone has been a Christian, the greater the impact. I pray this series transforms your life as it continues to transform mine.
There are two primary ideas we’ll be unpacking:
- Emotional Health. This is our ability to be self-aware and love well.
- Contemplative Spirituality. This involves slowing down to cultivate our relationship with Jesus.
Alone, each is important. Together, however, these simple ideas can be revolutionary.
Perhaps this series is best understood with a picture of an iceberg. As those on the Titanic discovered, what is seen above is small compared to what lies beneath, hence the term “tip of the iceberg.” This is true for all of us. We don’t reveal everything about ourselves to others. There are things about me I am comfortable posting for the world to see on Facebook, other things reserved for my friends, still other things I only share with close friends and family, and things I guard carefully, exposing only to my wife. Tragically, many of us have things beneath the surface we fail or refuse to see and acknowledge…even when others know it.
The ultimate goal in this series isn’t to change other people, but rather to open up space to be with God, to study the scriptures together and open ourselves up to God, allowing Him to bring about the sanctification—the changes—only He to do. We want to become better lovers—of God and others. We also want to extend grace and encouragement to one another as we explore some arenas rarely discussed in church.
Today we will begin with the problem of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. The principle is this: “the degree to which we are willing to give Jesus access to what is deeply beneath the surface in our lives is the degree to which we will experience freedom in Him.” In a word, honesty. I believe it was Scott Peck who said the average person attending an AA meeting is more honest than many Christians because they cannot begin until the admit they have a problem.
I have a problem called sin. I am messed up. I am imperfect. I need help.
You do, too, whether you admit it or not, but until you do admit it, you can never grow. Let me declare again: No Perfect People Allowed (except Jesus!).
No matter your past—or even your present—you belong here! But please leave the masks at home. This series is about getting real, getting honest, and getting healthy.
1 Samuel 15:20-24
King Saul is an example of an emotionally unhealthy person. He was the first king of Israel, and although he had vast power, he was emotionally bankrupt. He started out great, but went awry. He was commanded by God to wipe out the Amalekites. He partially obeys but does not complete the mission. On the surface of Saul’s life, he looked great, but his life was out of order underneath the surface.
Here’s the scene: God wanted to punish the wicked Amalekites. He told Saul to totally destroy them and their livestock. I know, it’s a brutal command but they were a brutal people. Saul partly obeyed, but he spared the king and the livestock. God tells Samuel to confront the king. Samuel said
Why did you not obey the LORD? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the LORD?” (1 Samuel 15:19)
“But I did obey the LORD,” Saul said. “I went on the mission the LORD assigned me. I completely destroyed the Amalekites and brought back Agag their king. The soldiers took sheep and cattle from the plunder, the best of what was devoted to God, in order to sacrifice them to the LORD your God at Gilgal.” (1 Samuel 15:20-21)
But Samuel replied: “Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king.” (1 Samuel 15:22-23)
Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned. I violated the LORD’s command and your instructions. I was afraid of the people and so I gave in to them. (1 Samuel 15:24)
I often think it’s better to be fully devoted to God or fully against Him. There’s no partial credit for partially obeying God’s instructions. Saul dabbled in obedience and it got him into great trouble.
This is my fear for me and for you. I fear we do obey God when it’s comfortable and convenient but balk when it requires total surrender. I fear we get busy and want to be in control. It’s a dangerous bi-product of our consumer culture.
If you know anything about the next king, David, you know he was a man after God’s own heart. He was not perfect, but he was passionate. He was self-aware. He was devoted. In contrast, here are some symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality in Saul:
1. He refuses reflection and self-awareness
He is doing some of God’s will, but he is more concerned about the opinion of people. He is out of touch with his own fear. A few verses later he confesses again.
Saul replied, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel; come back with me, so that I may worship the LORD your God.” (1 Samuel 15:30)
There is jealousy in his life. He doesn’t want others to look better than he does, especially David. He tries six times to murder David, so threatened by him. He believes he is doing God’s will but he is unaware of how shallow his spirituality is and his own sins. He was unaware of why he did the things that he was doing.
Why do you do what you do?
So much of our lives are lived out of the layers beneath the surface. Reflection can be painful because we see our sin and feel guilty. It’s easier to deny our stuff and pretend.
Silence and solitude are required in order to examine our motives and feelings and thoughts on the inside. You can’t be in touch with God if you are not in touch with yourself.
Saul lived an illusion, presenting a false self to God, as if God could be tricked!
Many of us keep ourselves so busy and noisy that we cannot reflect.
Unlike David, Saul never spends time in silence and solitude. He never writes poems and songs, pouring out himself to God. David was aware of his own heart and expresses it to God.
2. He refuses to cultivate his own personal relationship with God
He began humble and blessed by God but never develops his relationship with God. He does not have a hidden life in God. He has a public one, but no personal relationship with God.
But Samuel replied: “Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king.” (1 Samuel 15:22-23)
The words “obey” and “listen” are the same in Hebrew.
Saul thought he was a pretty good guy but instead Samuel exposed the wickedness in his heart, calling him out on witchcraft and idolatry. He never asks, “What is God saying to me?”
Do you ever ask God what He is saying to you? Christianity is not meant to be merely intellectual, but experiential. What is God saying to you? He is speaking. Are you listening?
The late Dallas Willard told Pastor John Ortberg, “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry.” Ortberg said, “okay, what’s next?”!
Contemplation is about getting God from your head to your heart. Sermons are a good start, but they are not the end. You must digest this food through small groups and time alone with God.
The Pharisees knew all about God, but they never cultivated their relationship with God.
You must take responsibility for your relationship with God. Nobody else can do that for you. We can challenge you, provide you with tools and resources and opportunities for growth, but only you can cultivate your relationship with God.
It’s like marriage. People can give me books on marriage, I can attend marriage seminars, talk to people about marriage, and even decide in my head that I want a great marriage but if I don’t invest time and energy into my relationship with my bride, I will never have a good marriage.
3. He refuses to be broken by setbacks and difficulties
We all experience trials and testings. Scripture says they can be useful tools of God to grow us.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)
Trials draw us to God. Trials destroy our illusions about ourselves, others, life.
Trials build our character.
Trials bring about an authentic, mask-free life.
Even Jesus grew through suffering.
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered. (Hebrews 5:8)
Jesus learned obedience through suffering. There are no shortcuts.
God tried to humble Saul to make him great but Saul just wants to be great. Sound familiar?
So What?
Here are the Top Ten Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality
- Using God to run from God - Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness and fear - Dying to the wrong things - Denying the past’s impact on the present - Dividing life into “secular” and “sacred” compartments - Doing for God instead of being with God - Spiritualizing away conflict - Covering over brokenness, weakness and failure - Living without limits - Judging the spiritual journeys of others
Which one item is God bringing to your attention? Listen to Him. He delights when you listen to Him.
There is a Saul in each of us. God wants to take the Saul out of us. Our self-will and stubbornness must be removed.
Through reflection and honesty we can become aware of our sins and weaknesses. We can cultivate a relationship with God. We can allow God to use trials and discipline to shape us to become more like Jesus, surrendering everything to Him.
You are messed up, but Jesus offers forgiveness, grace, and mercy. Don’t run away from God but run to Him.
Questions for Discussion
- What factors probably contributed to Saul’s unwillingness to carry out God’s clear command (1 Samuel 15:7-12)?
- What might have been going on beneath the surface of Saul’s life (iceberg) that he was unaware of?
- How does Samuel describe Saul’s disobedience (22-23)?
- In what ways can you relate, or not relate, to Saul?
- What positive step(s) could Saul have taken to become aware of his own iceberg and hear God in his situation?
- If you were only concerned with seeking God’s glory and not your own, how would your life be different (at home, work, school)?
- When were you caught hiding sinful motivations behind a spiritual front?
- Who plays “Samuel” in your life today—instructing you in the ways of God, rebuking you when you fall short, crying out with God’s compassion for you?
- For whom can you be a gentle “Samuel” (without naming names or gossip)?
- Why is it so difficult to slow down our lives?
- Why is it so difficult to anchor in God’s love?
- Why is it so difficult to break free from illusions?
- What is your next step in your spiritual journey?
Credits and Stuff
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.
Series outline and ideas from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero (Thomas Nelson, 2006).
Some study questions from Lyman Coleman (The Serendipity Bible and The Serendipity Student Bible). Used with permission from the author.
Other study questions from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Workbook by Peter Scazzero (Center for Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, 2007).
You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.
Series: Go Deeper
1 Samuel 15:20-24
Introduction
I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the church in the USA is in trouble today. Have you noticed? Of course you have. The statistics of church attendance, identification as followers of Jesus, Bible literacy, and a host of other metrics is in decline. Worse, those who remain in the church are not experiencing the abundant life we talked about last week (John 10:10). Many have made the tragic mistake of thinking if we just go to church and learn enough about the Bible we’ll be different. We’ll be transformed. We’ll look like Jesus.
Perhaps you’re tired…tired of church activities, empty promises of change…perhaps tired of Christians who talk about Jesus but look nothing like Him. Perhaps you’ve been longing not only for personal transformation but change in others who are judgmental, narrow-minded, or outright mean. Perhaps you’re burned out, disillusioned, and frustrated at your spiritual journey and/or that of others.
Maybe you completely disagree. You are encouraged about the new momentum here at First Alliance. You’re excited about what God is doing in and through our congregation. You can’t stop talking about God and His work here…but you hope it lasts. You don’t want this to be temporary, but a sustainable growth for our church and its members.
No matter your perspective, I believe one thing is true for all of us: we want to go deeper. We want to go deeper in our spiritual journey, our walk with Jesus, our relationships with friends, our trust in God, our love for the poor and least of these, our generosity, our peace, and our joy. We want to experience genuine growth. Next Easter we want to celebrate not only Jesus’ resurrection but our own, new life, new purpose. If that’s true for you, fasten your seatbelts as we begin an adventure together that just might change your life.
Several years ago I heard about a book called Emotionally Healthy Church. I was a bit nervous at first, thinking it might be a touch-feely psychological book. Finally I picked it up and was blown away by the vision it cast for a healthy, whole community of faith. Pete Scazzero—a pastor in Queens, NYC with not only C&MA roots but is now a professor at Nyack College—beautifully described this dream community, but left me wondering how to guide people into it.
His next book was Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and it offered the “how” behind the “what” of a healthy church. It was fresh. It offered insights I had never before heard, yet truths imbedded in the pages of scripture. The more I read, the more I was challenged.
I generally like to preach through books of the Bible. Sometimes I will teach a topic such as Palm Sunday or Advent, looking at various texts. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality had such potent, Bible-based content I went about using it as a guide for a sermon series years ago and the response was overwhelmingly positive. In fact, quickly realized the longer someone has been a Christian, the greater the impact. I pray this series transforms your life as it continues to transform mine.
There are two primary ideas we’ll be unpacking:
- Emotional Health. This is our ability to be self-aware and love well.
- Contemplative Spirituality. This involves slowing down to cultivate our relationship with Jesus.
Alone, each is important. Together, however, these simple ideas can be revolutionary.
Perhaps this series is best understood with a picture of an iceberg. As those on the Titanic discovered, what is seen above is small compared to what lies beneath, hence the term “tip of the iceberg.” This is true for all of us. We don’t reveal everything about ourselves to others. There are things about me I am comfortable posting for the world to see on Facebook, other things reserved for my friends, still other things I only share with close friends and family, and things I guard carefully, exposing only to my wife. Tragically, many of us have things beneath the surface we fail or refuse to see and acknowledge…even when others know it.
The ultimate goal in this series isn’t to change other people, but rather to open up space to be with God, to study the scriptures together and open ourselves up to God, allowing Him to bring about the sanctification—the changes—only He to do. We want to become better lovers—of God and others. We also want to extend grace and encouragement to one another as we explore some arenas rarely discussed in church.
Today we will begin with the problem of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. The principle is this: “the degree to which we are willing to give Jesus access to what is deeply beneath the surface in our lives is the degree to which we will experience freedom in Him.” In a word, honesty. I believe it was Scott Peck who said the average person attending an AA meeting is more honest than many Christians because they cannot begin until the admit they have a problem.
I have a problem called sin. I am messed up. I am imperfect. I need help.
You do, too, whether you admit it or not, but until you do admit it, you can never grow. Let me declare again: No Perfect People Allowed (except Jesus!).
No matter your past—or even your present—you belong here! But please leave the masks at home. This series is about getting real, getting honest, and getting healthy.
King Saul is an example of an emotionally unhealthy person. He was the first king of Israel, and although he had vast power, he was emotionally bankrupt. He started out great, but went awry. He was commanded by God to wipe out the Amalekites. He partially obeys but does not complete the mission. On the surface of Saul’s life, he looked great, but his life was out of order underneath the surface.
Here’s the scene: God wanted to punish the wicked Amalekites. He told Saul to totally destroy them and their livestock. I know, it’s a brutal command but they were a brutal people. Saul partly obeyed, but he spared the king and the livestock. God tells Samuel to confront the king. Samuel said
Why did you not obey the LORD? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the LORD?” (1 Samuel 15:19)
I often think it’s better to be fully devoted to God or fully against Him. There’s no partial credit for partially obeying God’s instructions. Saul dabbled in obedience and it got him into great trouble.
This is my fear for me and for you. I fear we do obey God when it’s comfortable and convenient but balk when it requires total surrender. I fear we get busy and want to be in control. It’s a dangerous bi-product of our consumer culture.
If you know anything about the next king, David, you know he was a man after God’s own heart. He was not perfect, but he was passionate. He was self-aware. He was devoted. In contrast, here are some symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality in Saul:
1. He refuses reflection and self-awareness
He is doing some of God’s will, but he is more concerned about the opinion of people. He is out of touch with his own fear. A few verses later he confesses again.
Saul replied, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel; come back with me, so that I may worship the LORD your God.” (1 Samuel 15:30)
There is jealousy in his life. He doesn’t want others to look better than he does, especially David. He tries six times to murder David, so threatened by him. He believes he is doing God’s will but he is unaware of how shallow his spirituality is and his own sins. He was unaware of why he did the things that he was doing.
Why do you do what you do?
So much of our lives are lived out of the layers beneath the surface. Reflection can be painful because we see our sin and feel guilty. It’s easier to deny our stuff and pretend.
Silence and solitude are required in order to examine our motives and feelings and thoughts on the inside. You can’t be in touch with God if you are not in touch with yourself.
Saul lived an illusion, presenting a false self to God, as if God could be tricked!
Many of us keep ourselves so busy and noisy that we cannot reflect.
Unlike David, Saul never spends time in silence and solitude. He never writes poems and songs, pouring out himself to God. David was aware of his own heart and expresses it to God.
2. He refuses to cultivate his own personal relationship with God
He began humble and blessed by God but never develops his relationship with God. He does not have a hidden life in God. He has a public one, but no personal relationship with God.
But Samuel replied: “Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as king.” (1 Samuel 15:22-23)
The words “obey” and “listen” are the same in Hebrew.
Saul thought he was a pretty good guy but instead Samuel exposed the wickedness in his heart, calling him out on witchcraft and idolatry. He never asks, “What is God saying to me?”
Do you ever ask God what He is saying to you? Christianity is not meant to be merely intellectual, but experiential. What is God saying to you? He is speaking. Are you listening?
The late Dallas Willard told Pastor John Ortberg, “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry.” Ortberg said, “okay, what’s next?”!
Contemplation is about getting God from your head to your heart. Sermons are a good start, but they are not the end. You must digest this food through small groups and time alone with God.
The Pharisees knew all about God, but they never cultivated their relationship with God.
You must take responsibility for your relationship with God. Nobody else can do that for you. We can challenge you, provide you with tools and resources and opportunities for growth, but only you can cultivate your relationship with God.
It’s like marriage. People can give me books on marriage, I can attend marriage seminars, talk to people about marriage, and even decide in my head that I want a great marriage but if I don’t invest time and energy into my relationship with my bride, I will never have a good marriage.
Trials build our character.
Trials bring about an authentic, mask-free life.
Even Jesus grew through suffering.
Here are the Top Ten Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality
There is a Saul in each of us. God wants to take the Saul out of us. Our self-will and stubbornness must be removed.
Through reflection and honesty we can become aware of our sins and weaknesses. We can cultivate a relationship with God. We can allow God to use trials and discipline to shape us to become more like Jesus, surrendering everything to Him.
You are messed up, but Jesus offers forgiveness, grace, and mercy. Don’t run away from God but run to Him.
Questions for Discussion
- What factors probably contributed to Saul’s unwillingness to carry out God’s clear command (1 Samuel 15:7-12)?
- What might have been going on beneath the surface of Saul’s life (iceberg) that he was unaware of?
- How does Samuel describe Saul’s disobedience (22-23)?
- In what ways can you relate, or not relate, to Saul?
- What positive step(s) could Saul have taken to become aware of his own iceberg and hear God in his situation?
- If you were only concerned with seeking God’s glory and not your own, how would your life be different (at home, work, school)?
- When were you caught hiding sinful motivations behind a spiritual front?
- Who plays “Samuel” in your life today—instructing you in the ways of God, rebuking you when you fall short, crying out with God’s compassion for you?
- For whom can you be a gentle “Samuel” (without naming names or gossip)?
- Why is it so difficult to slow down our lives?
- Why is it so difficult to anchor in God’s love?
- Why is it so difficult to break free from illusions?
- What is your next step in your spiritual journey?