Jesus on Divorce
Series—Mark: The Real Jesus
Mark 10:1-16

Series Big Idea: Mark’s gospel is the most concise biography of Jesus.

Big Idea: God designed marriage and family for our flourishing, not our frustration.

I guess I’m a glutton for punishment! It’s not enough to talk about politics, race, theological differences, and hell! Today we’re talking about divorce. Actually, Jesus is talking about divorce.

One of my professors told me years ago, “Always put the Bible between you and your audience so when they’re offended, they’re offended by the Bible, not by you and your opinions.” Great advice! You don’t have to always agree with me. In fact, I’d be worried if you did! There are many things in the Bible that simply aren’t clear. My boyhood pastor once said, “There are some things the Bible is silent about, and we should be, too.” Some things are debatable and others essential and indisputable.

If you didn’t know by now, my favorite biblical character is…Jesus! I love the book of Mark because it’s the shortest, most to-the-point of the four gospels, the good news of the Messiah. Many of your Bibles have words in the color red, indicating they are the words of Jesus, the teachings of Jesus, the challenging, counter-cultural wisdom of God.

Today we’re looking at what Jesus said about divorce in Mark chapter ten.

In the beginning, God created marriage. Well, first man was created. Then, …

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

A few verses later Genesis reads,

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:21-22)

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23)

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:25)

The two were one flesh, both physically and emotionally. They complemented one another. Loneliness was shattered. Community was established. And one of the most beautiful realities of their differences allowed them to reproduce and form a family…father, mother, child. This is God’s design. It makes perfect sense. For thousands of years, the biological family of father, mother, and child has been the foundation of societies from every nation, tribe, and tongue.

The family—biological and spiritual—is vital for everyone.

I wish the story ended there, a naked husband and wife experiencing paradise, free from shame, sin, and sorrow. Unfortunately, the very next verse in Genesis introduces the tragic event known as The Fall when Adam and Eve sinned, felt shame, were expelled from the Garden of Eden, and experienced punishment…not the least of which was marital conflict which leads us to today’s text in Mark 10.

Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. (Mark 10:1)   

Mark is giving us details which might seem trivial, but this district was under the rule of Herod Antipas, the one John the Baptist preached against due to his adulterous marriage—marrying his brother’s wife—which might be one reason for the question that follows.

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” (Mark 10:2)   

There are several reasons why we ask questions. Often, it’s out of genuine curiosity. Sometimes, we are seeking clarification or confirmation. In this instance, Mark tells us these religious leaders were testing Jesus. Divorce was a controversial subject, and the original Greek verbs convey the idea that they kept asking Jesus, trying to get him to say something incriminating. As is often the case, Jesus responds to a question with a question, knowing their impure hearts.

“What did Moses command you?” he replied. (Mark 10:3)

Rather than debating rabbinical schools of thought, Jesus went right to the scriptures. It is believed that the first five books of the Bible, known as the Pentateuch, were written by Moses. When he led the Jewish people out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, hundreds of laws were written to instruct the people on everything from diets and hygiene to murder and rest. One of the topics was divorce.
  
They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” (Mark 10:4)   

Moses never commanded divorce. He merely allowed it to protect the vulnerable women from exploitation. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 offers a provision for divorce when there is “some uncleanness.” Rabbi Hillel and his followers interpreted that to mean a man could divorce his wife for any reason, even burning his food! Rabbi Shimmai taught this only applied to premarital sin, such as discovering his new bride was not a virgin.

The provision for divorce was not to encourage it, but rather to protect the wife if her husband scorned her. Jewish women could not divorce their husbands. If a woman was rejected, she was often destitute. The certificate of divorce declared her free to remarry. Remarriage of the woman was expected for her survival. The question was, “What are the legal grounds for the man to divorce his bride?” Adultery was not grounds for divorce because it resulted in the stoning of both the adulterer and adulteress (Deut. 22:22; Lev. 20:10; John 8:1-11)!

“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. (Mark 10:5)   

Marriage is not a contract. A covenant is an unbreakable commitment. Obviously, some covenants are broken, causing great harm to everyone involved. Since marriage is a picture of God’s covenant with His people (Hebrews 9:15), divorce made a mockery of the covenant relationship. In fact, the relationship between Jesus and us—the Church—is used to illustrate that of a husband and wife in Ephesians 5.

Jesus continues…

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ (Mark 10:6)  

I never imagined the day when this would be a radical, controversial statement! This article speaks volumes! If we’re all just random accidents—blobs of tissue with no value—I suppose we can think and do whatever we want because we have no purpose, no destiny, no meaning. But if we were created, if we have value, if we are masterpieces, then we must submit to the Creator.

But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ (Romans 9:20)

I don’t want to get on a soapbox here, but the story of the Bible is so beautiful, so creative, so redemptive, so unbelievably good! If it’s true—and I’m betting my life on it—we are not God. We don’t write the rules.

I know the Bible isn’t politically correct, but if it is followed carefully, it results in human flourishing like nothing else. God made us male and female. He made us to complement one another. He made husband to become one with his wife for the purpose of pro-creation, the establishment of family, mutual submission, pleasure, love and respect, a reflection of Jesus and the Church.

Obviously when the Bible is not followed carefully, abuse emerges. Sin affects us all on a daily basis. We see signs of it all around us, yet it’s not God’s fault. The plan is perfect. It’s the poor execution that results in pain, injustice, hatred, violence, deceit, misogyny, corruption, and the like. God has given us free will, the ability to make choices. All of the brokenness in our world is the result of poor choices…sin.

Let me explain it this way: Heather and I have been watching a show called Nailed It. The baking show gives three contestants a cake to make in an hour or two. They are presented with the model cake and are asked to recreate it. The recipe and ingredients are provided. The results are usually hilarious!

I am no baker! I might be able to buy one of those tubes of cookie dough and make some simple cookies, but these Nailed It cakes are truly works of art. The baffling thing to me, though, is when the bakers ignore the recipe, make up their own measurements, or even substitute ingredients! One person decided baking a cake was too difficult and, instead, found a Rice Krispie treat and decorated it!

The Nailed It bakers are given the freedom to do whatever they want, but the winners are the ones who play by the rules and follow the recipe.

The same is true for life. You can argue about God’s rules—and He has given you the freedom to ignore them—but I promise you the results will never be as good as if you obey the Master, the Author of life.

Back to our text, Jesus echoes the words of Genesis when he says,

7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:7-9)   

I often think of marriage like super gluing two pieces of paper together. Don’t do it if you want to separate them! Use Post-It notes for that! If you super glue two papers together, it will be nearly impossible to separate them without damage to them both.

That’s a pathetic metaphor for marriage, I know, but hopefully you get the point. Marriage is intended to glue two people together…to become one…for life…’til death. Married people are not supposed to separate, but sometimes they do…and it is always painful and unfortunate.

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:10-12)   

Jewish women could not divorce their husbands, but Roman women could. Adultery was a pretty big deal. It’s in God’s top ten list, the Ten Commandments. It’s still a big deal today because it destroys trust, the foundation of any relationship.

Adultery—like all sin—hurts us and offends God.

All sin leads to death, whether it’s physical, relational, emotional, financial, spiritual, etc.

Can divorce be forgiven? Absolutely.
Can adultery be forgiven? Yes!
Does divorce solve every problem in a broken marriage? Of course not.
Is it sometimes unavoidable? Yes, in certain circumstances.

God hates divorce, but not divorcees.

I think everyone hates divorce…except, perhaps, for divorce attorneys! It’s not the way it’s supposed to be…like so much of life.

So What?

Marriage was God’s design, intended for life.

This is seen throughout the Bible, including Romans 7:2 and 1 Corinthians 7:39. Can people survive in “alternative lifestyles?” Sure. But living outside of God’s plan will never allow you to truly thrive. I didn’t write the book, but I’ve read it and I’ve experienced it. It works!

God designed marriage and family for our flourishing, not our frustration.

I know it’s cool and edgy and progressive to be into polygamy, polyamory, fornication, adultery, gay marriage, orgies, BDSM, pedophilia, and other forbidden arrangements often described under the heading of “sexual immorality” (mentioned more than twenty times throughout the Bible; e.g. Numbers 25:1; Matthew 15:19; Mark 7:21; Acts 15:20, 29; Ephesians 5:3; Jude 7; Revelation 9:21). But why settle when you can have the best? Daddy knows best, He loves you, and He wants the best for you.

Let me be clear: following Jesus is not always easy. It’s certainly not popular. God has given us the freedom to make choices, and with freedom comes responsibility and with actions comes consequences. You’ll get the best performance out of life if you follow the recipe, read the owner’s manual, obey God’s instructions in the Bible (which is also why it’s so important to read and study it to know what’s in there!).

If you’re involved in any form of sexual immorality, God doesn’t hate you. I don’t hate you. Quite the opposite. God’s love desires for you to experience the ultimate satisfaction and joy. I want the best for you. I’m not here to judge you or condemn you, but simply point you to Jesus where you can find forgiveness, freedom, and true peace.

If you’re struggling with any form of sexual issue, I urge you to seek help. Celebrate Recovery and Christian counseling are two things offered here on our campus. I’d love to talk with you or you can even talk to Karen Thompson, our office manager, in confidence. She attends another church so you need not worry about seeing her here on Sundays. I’ve given her resources to share with anyone seeking help.

In addition, if you are struggling in your marriage, help is available. Divorce will not fix everything. Again, contact the office and either ask for me or, if you prefer anonymity, get some resources from Karen our office manager. We are here to serve you…and our God is the God of miracles! Several years ago friends of ours came to Heather and I shared the dreadful news that their marriage had been violated by not only pornography and affairs, but prostitutes. This good Christian couple with the perfect family was on the verge of collapse. The woman had every right to seek a lawyer, but by God’s grace she chose forgiveness and a very long, very painful road of reconciliation and restoration. Today, they help other couples on the brink of divorce and have a beautiful marriage, a brilliant portrait of redemption and healing.

I said earlier,

God hates divorce, but not divorcees.

Some people picture God as this angry judge out to get us. Yes, Judgment Day is coming for all of us…and followers of Jesus have a wonderful ally to help us. But I think often the consequences of sin are enough on their own. Like a judge telling a parent who accidentally killed their child they have suffered enough, I wonder if the pain of divorce needs any additional penalty from God. I can’t prove that, but it’s just a thought. I’ve not been divorced, but I have yet to meet someone who enjoyed it. One person expressed this online: “That’s the horrific loss in divorce, it’s not losing your spouse - that’s just a breakup - it’s the loss of that new family you created, it’s devastating beyond words.” Sadly, many divorcees never had a say in the matter. Others were hasty in getting divorced and now live with regret.

Let me add,

God hates sin, but not sinners.

We’re all sinners. Every one of us has struggles, and the enemy wants to deceive us into thinking we’re the only ones. If you think you’re the only one listening to me struggling with porn, same-sex attraction, lust, fornication, divorce, adultery, or the like, you are mistaken! The first step in experiencing freedom is to admit it, confess it, get help. The reason our mission involves “restoring God’s masterpieces” is because you are a masterpiece, but a broken one. Me, too. God wants the best for us, but He has also given us freedom…and sometimes we don’t make the best use of that freedom.

If you want to get married, choose wisely.

Many single people don’t want to marry, and Paul says it’s better if you don’t marry (1 Corinthians 7:8). If you are seeking a spouse, remember it’s for life. Do your homework. Pray like crazy. Seek input from wise counsel. Don’t rush into it.

One more thing

Divorce is devastating for the husband and wife…and also the children, even adult children. Now they enter the picture…literally.

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. (Mark 10:13-16)   

Children are a blessing from God.

There’s nothing quite like kids! There is an innocence, a humility, a vulnerability that allows them to have precious faith. They have no filter, which is wonderful when it comes to intimacy with God. They are trusting and have the most incredible curiosity. We are to approach our Heavenly Father like a child, filled with awe and wonder, desperate and surrendered. We are not to be childish, but childlike!

May God bless all of our families, marriages, singles, and children.

The Christian & Missionary Alliance statement on divorce:

https://www.cmalliance.org/about/beliefs/perspectives/divorce

You can listen to this message and others at the First Alliance Church podcast here.

You can watch this video and others at the First Alliance Church Video Library here.